I eject during a perfectly good set

I eject during a perfectly good set. This is my sticking point.

Looking back on my approaches from the past week, I have wasted perfectly good sets that were going well by walking away due to some emotional problem of mine. My wings have noticed this too.

Case in point: Last night, HB9 blonde at the bar. I approached, laid an opener, time constraint, disqualifier, neg, dhv story, then a lot of vibing. This was at least a 10 minute set during which I got such IOI's as 'what's your name', 'where are you from', 'come over and talk to us', ec, kino etc. I ejected for no reason better than 'I started to feel weird because I ran out of things to say'. I should have just kept vibing, kept my head together, went into Attract 3 phase, kept my nervousness in check. My nervousness was not even evident to anyone present. The target did not notice it, my wing did not notice it. I just left because deep down inside I did not want to face the rejection of trying to close and getting denied - even though the set was going well at the time.

The same thing happened today: HB9 redhead. Opener, disqualifier, root, time constraint, neg. The neg felt forced to me because it was the first time I used it. I was previously feeling comfortable in the set, now I was nervous - so what do I do, instead of staying in the set, vibing, getting myself together and pushing it to close, I eject because deep down inside I did not want to face getting rejected if I try to close.

I notice this happens especially if I am talking to a girl that I am really attracted to, and am having a good rapport with.

I have done close to 100 approaches so far. I don't have AA, I know my technique and routines. This is a block for me for some reason, and I know it is preventing me from closing great sets with girls that I really like.

I don't know what to do about this except keep approaching and hoping that I will eventually just click and stay in the set even when my head is telling me to leave.

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This reply from DonDiegoGarcia of the stylelife forums was awesome:

* What is the value of rejection? *

Talk about counterintuitive.

If this piece is missing from your game, you are going to be missing out:

* Fear of Rejection *

The solution is quite simple:

*

* Rationally Crave Rejection *

*

BUT HOW? I can hear you saying. "How?" questions are great questions.

Because we are dealing with invisible demons of the mind "How?" can be different for different people. Some people will listen to rational reasons. Others rely on faith. Some people just need a shove. Others rely on positive dialog or pictures or body feelings.

At some point you have to "Know Thyself" and learn what works best for you.

I'm not saying you should emotionally CRAVE REJECTION permanently. That might make your mind sick if you get emotionally invested in it. It's better would be CRAVE REJECTION RATIONALLY just for a short while to get out of your slump.

You see, if you are FEARING REJECTION, and you want to

get to the ideal state of NEUTRAL TO REJECTION, it might be a good exercise to first

go through a period of CRAVING REJECTION.

*

* Straighten Crooked Metal by Bending it the Other Way *

*

Let's look at a piece of metal.

If you have a piece of bent metal that is crooked, and you want to straighten it, you must first bend it a little bit the other way. Then, when you let go... Voila! The metal will be straight?

Magic right?

Same with training, if you practice swinging three bats to train your muscles, then when you swing with just one bat you will score a Home Run!

If you are Fearing Rejection, you might first need to go through a short training period of Rationally Craving Rejection.

*

* It's a Numbers Game *

*

Let's look at a corollary: SALES

A good sales person rationally craves rejection. Why? Because he knows if he makes 100 approaches, then he will get 10 appointments, and out of those 10 appointments, he will close one sale. (For example.) Now, of course, he isn't EMOTIONALLY craving those 99 rejections. That would be kind of backwards. But he KNOWS, that those 99 rejections are what he MUST GO THROUGH to get to that ONE SALE.

With improvements in skill, our fine sales person may be able to better his ratio to one sale for every 10 approaches, or maybe even one-for-two! But we'll leave that for another topic. Whatever your skill level is right now, it's best to accept it and use BRUTE FORCE to get to where you want to go.

*

* You are Not the Spoon *

*

What is rejection, anyway? Rejection is the declination of an offer.

ME: "Want a spoon?"

THEM: "No thanks."

No emotional sting here, right? OK, Now how about this:

ME: "I'm going to this Hip Party Saturday Night, wanna tag along?"

THEM: "No thanks."

ME THINKING: OH MY GOD! THEY REJECTED ME! I'M SUCH A SCHMUCK! (Just kidding.)

A social rejection is not a knife into your heart, although it might feel like it at first.

She doesn't know you from Adam. She doesn't know what a wonderful, sweet, kind, loving soul you are like your family and friends do. So get it out of your head and MOVE ON.

It might be her. And it might be you.

You could be great, and she's got the problem. She could be busy, or she has to work or study, or she's just not comfortable yet.

OR it could be that you need to improve your game. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. We are all at different levels in our game development and that is just the way the world is.

This is not a competition. This is a cooperation.

It's called "The Community", not "The Great Race".

*

* The Pain of Not Knowing is greater than the Pain Of Rejection *

*

The title says it all.

I believe this to my core.

This was probably the single idea that got me to a place where rejection is just mechanics to me now, and it has very little emotional sting. Like someone is flicking their finger against my shoulder. I know it's there, but it doesn't really hurt.

If you don't believe this, you just gotta meditate on it and see that it is true. Type it out, print it, and tape it to your bathroom mirror in big letters. Make that your new mantra.

*

* Rejection is a Valuable Status Indicator *

*

It is a report card. It tells you what you have to work on.

If you walk up on a cold approach, and you get dirty looks,

then you might need to work on your appearance or attitude.

If you can open well, but they always dismiss you quickly,

then you might need to work on your energy level and memorizing routines or flow skills.

If you can start a conversation, but they are consistently resistant to exchanging contact information,

then you may need to deepen your rapport skills and Intrigue Loops.

If they go on a date with you, but they are not feeling that "spark",

then maybe you should work on Kino Escalation and sexually flavored language and innuendo.

If you can start a sexual relationship, but they always end up dumping you,

then maybe you need to work on revamping your core values.

If you never get a rejection, you won't know what level you are at, and you won't be able to

fully explore the possibility that you really kick ass!

Muster courage, bravery, and rationalization to face the fear of rejection

to make it an objective status indicator, not a subjective disapproval of your inner being.

It's OK to play with silence. Silence can be your friend.

Think of pauses and extended pauses as part of your game repertoire.

Enjoy the silence. Experiment.

Try smiling and laughing like you are getting a private joke that no one else gets.

They might ask you why you are laughing.

Then relate your funny dream or a joke or a story or whatever, and get the ball rolling again!

*

* Get the Rejections you Need to Up Your Skill Level *

*

I can usually tell how an interaction is going without an explicit rejection. But I will almost ALWAYS test to make sure if I'm right.

Consider your offer a TEST. It's a test of your skill level. Will she say "Yes."? Will she say "No."? or will she say "Maybe." ? How often are you right?

With more practice, you will be better able to read people, and your predictions will be more accurate. Make it all a like a scientific laboratory experiment with NO emotional attachment. The world is one bi g Social Laboratory. And you are the DOC!

This may not be Approach Anxiety, but it is a correlate: Offer Anxiety. You are anxious about the result of your offer for an exchange of contact information, for a date, to hold hands, like that. The cure is the same. Get off the emotional attachments to the results. Turn outcome dependence into outcome independence. Tune out your Limiting Mind (LM) and tune in your Freedom Mind (FM):

LM: "I'm scared to make an offer for a date because I might get rejected." FM: "The Pain of Not Knowing is greater than the Pain Of Rejection! Let's do it!"

Do what you gotta do to get the result you gotta get.

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* Visually Beautiful People are People Too *

*

As for acting differently around really attractive people, get over it. They can look crappy in the morning or in a police mug shot just like the rest of the population. They might be mean or crabby or superficial or selfish or not into having a good time with you, so don't get all excited about a cover girl, until there is a reason to get excited. (Wry smile.)

Try Forward and Backward Visualizations to get over this one. When you are talking to people you are OK with, visualize they are REALLY PRETTY.

When you are with people you are nervous with (TYPICALLY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) visualize they are ugly Joe or Jane down the street.

Helpful?

;Don Diego Garcia;

;D;