My life is made of patterns that can scarcely be controlled

We were moving and painting the past two weeks - there's still stuff at the old apartment, I have to go there today to pick up most of it, then return at the end of the week to pick up the vacuum after the maid service finishes cleaning in preparation for the new owners. Closing is tomorrow, although we won't be there - I think K. is signing papers today related to closing. I'm really liking our new neighborhood, it's just a beautiful place, nice neighbors, nice shops, I think K. and N. will be very happy living here. We just finished up taking most of the books out of boxes last night, everything still needs to be organized.

I feel like everything's changing again - the past couple years have really been a whirlwind of change, my life is really different than what it was like even two years ago. And now I'm living in a different place. All I want is for my girls to be happy, and to save money for the future. I don't care about living up to somebody else's standards of materialism or what constitutes success. I feel like I'm entering another chapter in my life - let's make it a good one full of happiness.

Lord knows there's been so much turmoil with my dad's death last month. I'm still processing that, also still making sure my mom's ok. I feel like there's not much I can do for her besides visit her as much as I can, it's difficult with the baby and K's schedule. Honestly I think for a few weeks I was really out of control. I don't want to get into my various struggles with addictions, but I think I just gave up for a while. After leaving my therapist's office last week I just decided to get back on track with everything - my job, my sobriety, my relationships. Driving to the UP last week gave me a lot of time to think, I'm just so grateful for my beautiful family and life, I feel like I've been making so much progress it would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize it.

I'm looking forward to fixing our house nice, and making it a nice place for us to hang out at home with the baby. She also has a birthday party coming up which will also serve as a housewarming party - we've invited a lot of people, I'm starting to worry about setting up for the party. Some other new developments - I've been jogging with K. and N. in the mornings these days. I don't get as good of a workout but it's nice to share that part of my life with them. I also corresponded last week with a guy who lives in my neighborhood who's interested in playing together. I don't know what will come of it - some recording, maybe performing or getting a band together, maybe just making a new friend.

God my birthday is tomorrow, I'm getting old. I still get insecure sometimes about my life. I guess moreso about my career and my financial situation than about my life, as I'm really grateful for my little family. I feel like I've been making very slow progress, and that I haven't been paying as much attention to my career as I should with all of the stuff going on in my personal life this year. I still wonder how it is that some people get rich, and I feel that connections and nepotism has to play into it. I've still yet to really apply myself in a focused manner for an extended period of time. Maybe once things settle down I can get myself on some kind of program to improve my career, I think if I really try there's no way I can fail - but you know, time is short and I'm not getting any younger.

quote

The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good.
- Bertrand Russell

Don't you have a word to show what may be done . Have you never heard a way to find the sun

Still feeling out of it. Had a really shaky week last week, I basically had a meltdown at my therapist session last week. I think that was the second of two times that I really let myself cry about my dad dying. Did well on the half marathon, that was a really great experience. What an awesome running course too, I'm looking forward to doing it again next year. I've actually decided to train for Chicago Marathon 2010. There's enough time for me to get in shape for it I think, and it'll motivate me to train during the winter. We're busy these days, went to Ikea last night, books in boxes all around our apartment. Thinking about buying a bed for Nina's room next week.I'm practicing guitar again - I haven't played on a consistent basis in many weeks so it feels like I suck again. I also bought a new guitar so it feels even more awkward. Finally decided to get serious about recording an 'album' so I do something characteristic and spend a lot of money on a copy of Logic Studio. J. tells me it takes 24 hours to install. I'm going to install today and practice guitar. Have been listening to Nick Drake a *lot* lately, after several tries he really clicked with me. You know I'm really into a big musical 'phase' when K. complains I'm playing too much of one artist in the car.

Marathon race training schedule

Well I finished the half marathon, had a pretty good time - I felt good that I didn't stop at all and I kept pace behind a pretty fast girl the whole time. What an awesome course - you run through parts of the loop that are usually off limits to runners, like running over bridges over the Chicago river - there's this cool part where you run in a dark tunnel for like a half mile, then the end is going north on the lake. It's really nice, I'm going to run it again next year.

Been thinking about what I'm going to do next with running, now that I've done a half marathon. I'd like to do Pumpkins in the Park in October just for fun (and to dress up Nina), then Shamrock Shuffle (because I heard it's fun and I haven't done it yet, you have to do some races just to keep the excitement for racing I think), then Rock and Roll Half Marathon again next summer, then the Chicago Marathon in the fall of 2010! I have to remember to register for this stuff ahead of time because they sell out.

Here's the Advanced Beginner marathon training schedule I'm going to use to train for this marathon (I'm basically just going to train for the marathon and do the little races just to keep my energy up along the way)

dvanced Beginner Marathon Training Schedule

Week Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
1 Rest 3 mi Rest 3 mi Rest 4 mi 3 mi EZ
2 Rest 3 miles 2 mi 3 mi CT or Rest 5 mi 3 mi EZ
3 Rest 3 mi 2 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 6 mi 3 mi EZ
4 Rest 3 mi 2 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 7 mi 3 mi EZ
5 Rest 4 mi 2.5 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 6 mi 3 mi EZ
6 Rest 4 mil 2.5 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 8 mi 3 mi EZ
7 Rest 4 mi 3 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 10 mi 3 mi EZ
8 Rest 4 mi 3 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 8 mi 3 mi EZ
9 Rest 4 mi 3 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 12 mi Rest
10 Rest 4 mi 3 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 14 mi 3 mi EZ
11 Rest 4 mi 3.5 mi RP 4 mi CT or Rest 16 mi 3 mi EZ
12 Rest 5 mi 4 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 10 mi 3 mi EZ
13 Rest 5 mi 4 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 18 mi 3 mi EZ
14 Rest 4 mi 4 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 12 mi 3 mi EZ
15 Rest 4 mi 4.5 mi RP 5 mi CT or Rest 18 mi Rest
16 3 mi EZ 5 mi 4.5 mi RP 6 mi CT or Rest 14 mi 3 mi EZ
17 Rest 4 mi 5 mi RP 6 mi CT or Rest 20 mi 3 mi EZ
18 Rest 4 mi CT 4 mi CT or Rest 12 mi 3 mi EZ
19 Rest 3 mi 30 minutes RP 3 mi CT or Rest 8 mi 3 mi EZ
20 Rest 2 mi 20 minutes Rest Day 20 minutes Race Day! Rest Day!