Reflections by nonchalant

It is raining when I leave my parent's house. I run into my cousin Manny on the way out the door, he tells me they are going for bloody mary's at some bar Sunday morning to watch football. I'm sick to death of football. The rain on my car is a baptism, or something like that. Well, not really. My state is just fucked. Being around my family always brings my feelings of inner conflict and inadequacy into sharp relief. I don't know how many times my mom needs to tell me she loves me until I actually believe it, maybe I never will. That's just not right. Of course my family loves me, they just don't understand me. I don't understand myself.

I listen to the radio on the ride home and I miss my stolen iPod. I call Effect and JayDog, both are indisposed. JCB calls, he's going to do something in Naperville tonight. I turn on the radio and listen to some rap music for a little while, then I turn it off. I would play this death metal mix Effect made me, but that would just be too brutal.

I'm in turmoil all the time these days, my moods fluctuate wildly. One minute I am filled with hope for the future, another minute I think of the past and I am plunged into a deep despair. I run some affirmations: Brave courageous noble beautiful brilliant Red, I believe in you. It is like I am talking to a friend who has just lost a loved one or something, trying to cheer him up.

It is Saturday night, I don't feel like going out tonight but I also don't particularly want to stay home. I tell myself all the time that maybe I am concentrating too hard on sarging, and that I am neglecting my other responsibilities - but when I finally have some free time to get things done, I just sit there totally unmotivated to do anything. It's like I can't handle being alone with myself and having to face my life. If I look at my life for too long, I start feeling intimidated. There is such a huge discrepency between the person I am now and the person I eventually want to be. I don't even have a clear idea really of the kind of person I eventually want to become, but he is definitely much better off than how I am right now. There are like a million little things to be done, and they all seem so vague and immense.

I think about Sophia again until I push these melancholy and nostalgic thoughts out of my head. I wonder briefly what she is doing and I wish her the best. I hope she is with someone who treats her better than I did. I wonder what is to become of me, now that she is gone and I'm faced with this uncertain future. There is the game that I am so obsessed about, sometimes it seems like a lot of effort just to meet some superficial women who ultimately are not worth it. Not that it hasn't been a lot of fun, learning to be more confident, having fun with new friends and such. I have always been searching for something that will save me, or bring me back to that sense of serene happiness that I've only glimpsed for a short time. Maybe that thing does not exist in other people, maybe it is to be found in mastering these chaotic voices inside of me, and this idea that time is always slipping away irrevocably. I am not exactly a young man anymore, but I've felt these things since as far back as I can remember.

My building is tall and white, with tinted windows, and an American flag outside that is being blown about in the rain. The doorman holds the door open for me and I say hello to him and the two ladies in the elevator when I arrive at my building. I've lived here for four years. I haven't grown very much in those four years, other than the fact that I've had some more life experience and I've obtained a Masters degree. I've seen people get married and have kids in that time, settle down, buy a house together and start a family, and I'm still out there trying to figure out a way to get the phone number of the cute girl at the end of the bar.

JCB tells me not to worry, that I'm on a path and more and more good things will come my way if I stay on this path. I tell him how I'm tired of being just an ordinary guy, and how I want so much more for myself. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping it together, this process of change seems so traumatic. Last week I messed up really badly at work, just some stupid typo error that got blown out of proportion and seen by the wrong people, I won't go into details - I thought very briefly about asking my therapist maybe I should take some meds to regulate my wildly fluctuating moods. But now I think that's just not necessary, I just have to stay focused on the future, develop an observing ego, and not be so hard on myself.

I saw this cool movie on Tuesday with Effect and Diva - The Science of Sleep. It was about guy who had trouble distinguishing dreams from reality. We went to Rodan that night and I talked to this cute emo girl who was eating there with her friends. We all hung out at McGearty's this week, but I didn't feel like approaching that night because I was worrying so much about money. Last night I went out with JCB, Effect and JayDog in Wicker Park. This one dude Dapper and some random guy from the lair I think were hanging out at Nick's with us, as well. The melding of the two groups - Effect and JayDog + JCB and lair guys, did not seem to go very well. Everyone was being less than sociable amongst each other. To be honest, my relationship with the lair guys just seems really superficial. We're just warm bodies to be seen with to each other. I really hate that. I guess other people have a higher tolerance for for this sort of thing, but I much prefer having a deeper rapport with a few people that I sarge with regularly vs. constantly being exposed to new people I have no connection with. Or maybe this is my problem and I'm just being unsociable. I had a thought today about such things: maybe the reason treat you stand offishly is not because they are writing you off as a nerd or an inconsequential person. Maybe the reason people treat you stand offishly is because they feel intimidated around you because you have certain things going for you that they don't have. I probably would care more about this if I didn't have so many other things on my mind.

I made some ridiculous approaches, I was basically practicing my disqualification. I told these girls I was gay but didn't bother to un-disqualify myself. You had to be there, it was actually pretty funny. God I had such a hangover this morning, and I only drank like five or six beers. I did one set at Nick's (stupid fat chick just for practice), Rodans (these girls who kept telling me to go to the Manhole), these Indian chicks waiting at the valet for their cat, and these two really drunk chicks on the street. I wasn't very serious, it was probably good that I was out at all considering this shitty state that I was in. Money is always on my mind these days, I really hate that. I have to get out of this shitty financial situation, and I have to make sure I never get this way again. And now I have these nameless anxieties about my performance at work. I don't know what else to do but keep doing what I should, keep trying to get my life together, believe in myself. Even if things seem bleak right now and there doesn't seem to be a way out. Ask yourself, when everything seems to be going wrong, will you give up? or will you keep trying? It's as simple as that, and what you decide, decides your future.

225 approaches

Warrior

So, I guess I'm a 'warrior', according to this - probably non scientific - test of the 4 Jungian personality archetypes. This is probably bullshit.


Warrior
I'm not telling your actual score. Hmph!
Warriors, like Kings, are often leaders because they possess the necessary mental abilities to hold such positions. Warriors see something they want and go for it. They don't hold back. They speak their mind. They don't sugarcoat. They don't fear. Like Lovers, they often have bad reps because they are misunderstood. They may come across as harsh, unforgiving, uncaring, or insensitive, but it is only because they are realistic and drive right to the core of the situation rather than beat around the bush.

The Warrior's complement is the thoughtful, artistic Lover.


My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Confidence

You scored higher than 99% on Creativity

If you liked my test, send it to your friends!
The Medieval Archetype Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=5333684000587585060

ESTJ

I am still unclear how to interpret this, but here are the results of this Jungian personality test I just took

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Ode to Laura's Sister

I am totally exhausted. It's one in the morning and I just got home, I probably could fall asleep right now but of course I am anal retentively documenting the past two days of sarging activities. I shouldn't have gone out tonight, I could've used a day off. So far I've gone out last Friday, Saturday, a day off last Sunday when I slept practically all day, day/early night game on Monday, last night at Rodan, and then tonight. The game never sleeps.

I got an email close off of some girl I met at Rodan last night. Some HB redhead experimental filmmaker. This HB I met last Saturday tipped me off that the guys from Tortoise played free jazz at Rodan every Tuesday night, and me and Effect decided to check it out. We met up last night and sat there drinking for a little while, watching the guys from Tortoise play their jazz. Rodan is such a cool bar, it's probably my favorite sarging venue at this point.

Effect makes this comment that everyone there is in 'the business' - meaning, that they are in the video editing and film industry. I found this to be a ridiculous statement, and decided to use it as my opener for the night. I ask this HB whatever with some dude if she was in the video editing industry, she wasn't. I segue into some other opener, I forget which one, and ask her about clubs in the area. I also open up the blonde HB whatever with some ultra skinny dude on the other side of me. I ask her - what do you think of a man who has five cats? Would you consider this weird or even effeminite? She viciously blows me out, gives me a harsh look and tells me that cats are disgusting, then freezes me out. Me and Effect sort of look at each funny and basically laugh at her. I hate it when mediocre biatches have all sorts of attitude. Brick. Palace.

On the way back from the bathroom I open a 2 set from out of town - Colorado or something like that. Nice set, cats and dogs opener, club talk, a lot of fluff talk and banter. Long. Kino. I eject, I should have stayed in but they were sitting next to us and I thought I could easily reopen them. Then some people they were with tell them they are going to switch venues. They say bye as they are leaving and I let them go, I don't decide to close because they are from out of town and they are not very attractive.

I then open a 2 set at the end of the bar. A good set, they are already making moves to leave when I open them, so I get as much of my set in as possible - ask for a cigarette, dogs vs. cats, effeminite guy with six cats?, masculing girl with a huge pit bull?, banter and fluff talk about youtube and the girl's website, I am pretty much on with these two but I know they are leaving soon, so I email close the redhead one as they are making for the door. I have emailed her and called the other one from Friday, but so far noone has responded. Effect mentioned that I didn't stay with the set after the close last Friday, which most probably has led to a flake/buyer's remorse. I blame it on damn Emperor for being in such a hurry to leave last Friday. I have emailed this redhead chick but so far no response. Maybe she is just playing games. I hate the waiting game after the initial contact. Mental note to read TD's article on phone game that JCB suggested.

The redhead is hot, I hope she calls. Today after work I meet up with JayDog and Effect at McGearty's. JayDog gives me huge props for closing so much recently. We have dinner at a falafel place. We go back to Mcgearty's tonight, where they are having this party with free booze and cigarettes. It is pretty happening. I open a 2 set of HB blonde marketing chicks with the usual - cats vs. dogs, what are the cool bars etc. I open a 2 set of chicks from Oak Park, long set with a lot of banter about how I rescue stray animals. Unfortunately, they are there with their bf's.

Effect sees this one chick that he apparently had a huge case of one itis for in college - name is Laura. He is like a deer in headlights and really wants to leave, he is avoiding her at McGearty's like the plague, he must have really got shot down hard by her. He tells me the full story about that particular dating debacle. It is not pretty and I won't repeat it here, suffice to say he would like to keep it in the past and would prefer to avoid her. I open this really cute hipsterish chick with short hair in a derby cap. This chick turns out to be Laura's sister. She is young, a sophomore at UIC. I reopen her a couple of times - what are the cool bars, do you work here, dogs vs. cats, did you go to Columbia?, how long you been smoking?, etc. My plan as I told JayDog was to keep reopening this hottie all night, but by this time Effect really wants to leave as he keeps bumping into this girl Laura he used to have one itis for who I guess completely dogged him back in the day. TFAF. We walk around a little, and decide not go to into Rodan, we go to Subterrenean, where Effect approaches these two indie chicks who are dressed like hobos.

We go back to Effect's place and hang out with Diva, who is acting like a diva. We head out again - to this place called the Underground Lounge, which is dead, then to Estelle's in Wicker, which is dead. I'm dead at this point. I need to go home as I haven't been getting a lot of rest and I'm not in the mood to approach anymore. The conversational themes of the evening were: how much of worthless AFC JayDog is, how bullshit it is that he keeps bragging about this myspace chick he has been blowing us off to webcam with, how I am going through hell waiting for these two chicks to call or email me, and how hot Laura's sister is and how Effect is a puss for not talking to this Laura chick and possibly hooking me up with her sister. It would be cool if we ran into Laura or her hot hot sister again, as I'd really like the chance to try gaming her again. Ok, going to bed. TFAF, children.

220 approaches

Sophia aka Shmoopie

Effect asked me why I am still hung up on my ex. I told him I don't know why, it has been about 8 months since we broke up and I am pretty much over her now. It's not like I am calling her or that I want her back or anything. Honestly, I think about her every day - but it's not like I'm plotting ways to get her back or I'm still in love with her. I just wish her the best and hope that she finds whatever it is that she is looking for in life.

We went back to Evanston today, walking to my car I took a quick walk around downtown and saw a lot of the familiar landmarks that were so part of my daily life back when we were together. I guess that, and the fact that it is fall again and people are starting school, brought on a lot of melancholy. I will always associate her with grad school and the city of Evanston. If I think about my ex these days it is only for a minute, until I push the thought of her out of my head - if I think of her at all, I mainly feel nostalgic for the past and I wind up missing someone that I shared so much of my life with over the past five years. Someone who doesn't exist anymore, at least not as she once was.

I'm a different person too these days. For a while I was really lost without her, and I was just drifting through life not caring about myself or what happened to me. I still feel this way sometimes and I have to constantly check myself when I get this way. Those days are gone, I have to get myself together and think about the future and what is to become of me. Those dreams I had of becoming a great man so that she would be proud of me, those are good dreams and I should want that for myself even if we are not together anymore. I was telling my therapist that it was weird how I felt so driven and productive when we were together - she made me believe in myself, and she made me feel unconditionally accepted. I'm learning to do these things for myself now, minus the baggage of the 'relationship' :P - so in the end it will be all for the best. I just hope she's happy out there, I don't answer the phone anymore when she calls but I hope she knows that I'll always be her friend.

JayDog = Huge Pussy + Some Random Approaches

This was Style Life Day 21 for me. The date was Saturday, Sept. 16th. I spent the afternoon laying around the house, playing guitar. JayDog calls me from this coffee shop in Wicker Park and tells me he wants to hang out that night. JayDog has been cancelling out on our sarging expeditions lately, and I found out why - he has met a girl on myspace, and he has been spending a lot of time at home, talking to her on webcam. This is unacceptable to me, if sarging girls on the internet is your thing then more power to you, but to me it is a lazy man's way out, and you are taking anything you can get instead of gathering the skill to be able to choose who you want to date.

Anyway, me and Effect meet up with JayDog in Wicker Park. We hang out at the coffee shop for an hour or so, we catch JayDog talking to the girl on webcam and give him a lot of shit about it. Afterwards, we go to Trevia, which has been renamed Debonair or something like that. There is an art show there, a bunch of painters are painting stuff that they will sell later on, and there is a hip hop dj spinning some crunk ass jams.

I open 2 sets at Trevia. They are once again really good sets full of a lot of unscripted bantering. I open this brunette HB8 with a pink beret on. Her name was Jen and she owned an indie hip hop label. She is hanging out with this guy but I manage to banter with the two of them and eventually isolate her. I have a long set with her but I eject and rejoin my friends. I reopen her later on, and I try to merge her with Effect, thinking that they may strike up some type of business relationship, since he directs music videos. I felt really good about this set, I tried to reopen her later on and try for a close but she is surrounded by too many people and it is hard to get her attention. She seemed to know everyone at the bar. What I think went wrong with this set: I should have tried to close earlier, I ejected for no reason, I should have stayed in there and went for a close before going back to my friends, I had gone far enough in the set to do so. I also didn't neg or disqualify. Me and my friends also spent too long standing against the wall, looking like wallflowers, demonstrating lower value instead of going around and acting social, and building social value.

I had realized that we were standing along the wall for too long and walked up to a cute blonde HB sitting alone at the bar. This girl was really cool, it was also a really long set where I was able to get through the majority of my routine and work in a lot of joking and banter. I felt like this would have been closeable too, if she hadn't mentioned that she was dating the bartender - who, I noticed, had been staring at me the whole time.

On the way to the car I open a 2 set on the street. Just a random street approach, mediocre chicks. JayDog says I screwed up when I asked them where they lived, this just came out of my mouth, I guess I can see where girl would think this was a little creepy. Live and learn. So anyway, we go to Clarkes for some greasy diner food, and call it a night.

Today I had the day off. I slept til noon, then hooked up with Effect for some day game. We went to the Old Orchard mall in Skokie, where I did a couple of random sets. I also did 4 set of sorostitutes at the Barnes and Nobles in Evanston, where we went later on. None were anything to write home about - day game is a lot harder than night game, I just look at it as practice, working on your confidence and so forth in preparation for the real game at the bars on the weekends. We were walking around the mall when this girl comes up to us and asks us if we would like to take a test drive in a new Lexus in exchange for a 15 dollar gift certificate, so we take a ten minute test drive in a Lexus, then use our 15 dollar gift certificate to go out to lunch at Mangiannos Little Italy. I love Mangiannos, I'm glad we stumbled onto the the Lexus test drive, it was like the universe taking us out to lunch.

213 approaches

Style Life Day 20

Better late than never.

So day 20 is all about attempting to close, and guess what - I closed.

This was Friday night. I was actually in really bad spirits too. Just work and family and me thinking about my ex and my financial situation and everything - it's not a horrible existence, I just have trouble appreciating all the good things in my life sometimes. This was definitely the case Friday night. I was close to calling Effect and telling him I didn't feel like going out but I changed my mind because, as they say

"However old you may live to be, you will never have any other joy in the world than these few hours. Savour them to the very dregs, because, after this, there is nothing left for you. This first spring on which you have stumbled is also the last. Quench your thirst, once and for all; you shall not drink again."

another thing that get me down sometimes - the sense of time slipping away irretreivably, regret over so much time wasted wallowing in apathy. I am determined to not waste any more time and really make something of myself.

The night starts out badly. We are supposed to meet Effect's friend, Emperor, at this house party. He doesn't really know the people who are having the party, he has only gotten an invitation via email. The address he tells us to go to is in a bad neighborhood on the South Side, it is obviously the wrong address because nobody is home. We are driving up and down the block when we call Emperor and he tells us he must have gotten the wrong address. We meet up with him and all 3 of us go to Wicker Park to hit some bars instead.

We sit at McGearty's for an hour, drinking coffee, and talking about bullshit. After a while we head over to Rodan. I open a set at the bar but she is there with her boyfriend, it turns out. Wasn't a bad set, I always get thrown off by the boyfriend.

I open a 3 set - 2 brunettes and a blonde with streaks in her hair. Target is the blonde. This was a really long set, half hour or so, which I leave and reopen periodically. I had her ROFL with my stupid DHV routine - a story about how I gave CPR to a cat. I think the sequence of events went like this - ask her about this bar we are thinking of going to, opener of cats vs. dogs, part two of opener - do you think it's feminine for a man to have a lot of cats and masculine for a woman to have a large dog like a pit bull or a great dane?, then I start talking about pets, how I had a hard time housebreaking this cat I used to have, how horrible the sound of 2 cats fucking is, I'm really lucky she is a cat person and owns 2 persians.

Her friends come back and she makes me tell them the story about how I gave CPR to a cat. They are also ROFL. I am in there for a long time, she and her friends meet up with other people - there is this guy in the group who seems to be all over her, so I excuse myself and rejoin my friends. Later I reopen her by showing her pictures of Effect's cat. Then I attempt to merge Effect into it. I think I screwed it up a little at this point by talking about how JayDog got his ass whipped by some dominatrixes at Exit.

Emperor wants to leave, so I go for a close with her before I leave - I say, we're having a party to celebrate my friend's oral surgery in a couple of weeks, give me your number and I'll invite you. So I get the number and the email. We drop Emperor off, then me and Effect go to Clarke's for some greasy diner food. I order the chicken salad and fries.

I am improving. My sets are getting longer and longer, I am more relaxed, attempting to close seems natural to me now. Most of all, it is fun now. I may have started with crappier inner game than most people - but now I really believe that if you stay on the path and don't give up you will keep getting better.

A couple of thoughts - Style talks about how he got good by 'chunking' his knowledge, meaning he focused on adding one piece of his game at a time - first opening, then negs, then disqualifying, then DHV's, then bait and release, etc. I am still forgetting to neg and disqualify half the time. Mental note to myself to focus on this one thing until I always do it, just like I always open and root and time constraint now.


208 approaches

On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful april morning

probably my favorite short story

http://www.blueblanket.net/Steph/Make/Visual/Perfect/

by Haruki Murakami

So now we fly ever free We're free before the thunderstorm On towards the wilderness our quest carries on

I never wrote about last Saturday, but it was pretty cool. One of my best sarging nights in the last few weeks actually.

I went out with JCB to Hooters, where we met up with his two buddies Tom and Frank, then we all went to check out his martial arts tournament, which was brutal as hell and actually pretty entertaining. I made plans via text message to go out sarging with JayDog after the tournament, Effect had to work and was not feeling up for going out that night. JCB got lost on the way home so I was way late by the time I met up with JayDog at Salud. It was already like 1 am by the time we got there.

We're standing at the bar when two really hot blonde chicks come up to me - and one of them kisses me! I was shocked. Of course, I open her. Turns out it is a bachelorette party and she's getting married in a couple of weeks. You really can't beat that for a situational opener. Maybe if I was smoother - or if she had more to drink - I could have escalated.

We are walking around when we meet up with my brothers and my brother Lloyd's friends from out of town at the other end of the bar. It was just a really weird night, I couldn't believe I ran into them at Salud of all places. We're sitting around with the guys, just being rowdy drinking dudes, when jayDog decides to start opening the 3 set at the table next to us. He actually has a really good night, but that's his story and I'll leave it to him to tell the tale if he ever decides to do so.

There is a really hot but large set - a 7 set - at the other side of the room and I decide to approach. I open the whole group but wind up talking to a group of about 3-4 of them - I run my whole game, I even seed the fact we're going to this cool club called PJ Clarke's later on. I wind up hitting it off with this tall blonde chick. Talk about a weird night - turns out this 7 set is also a bachelorette party. I bullshit with them for a long time - about, guess what, cookie cake and jealous girlfriends. These girls are wasted and I'm getting all kinds of IOI's from this blonde chick. I wind up walking away and then coming back and reopening her a couple of times that night.

My mistake was going for the venue change and not the number close. Or not going for the number close first before going for the venue change. If I had more experience closing I would have known this, and how it's hard to get a consensus of 7 drunk girls to follow a strange guy to a bar on the other side of town. She tells me she'll meet me there but I never make it there to find out. Boched close, I'm going to totally regret this. I remember how this girl was like, massaging my back and shit.

Later on, I reopen the girl who kissed me, and I hang with her and her bachelorette party for a while. My bros and their friends are amazed, they've never seen me do this type of crap before. I was telling JayDog over late night food at Clarke's that, out of all the dudes there, we had the most game. JayDog had an awesome night and really impressed my bro's friends - one of them even came up to me and told me my friend has a lot of balls to approach girls like that. I felt pretty proud. We had a great night. We sat around bullshitting until like 5 or 6 in the morning about how we love the game, and how much better we're getting. I was really excited, and I had so much coffee to drink that night, that I couldn't fall asleep that night. I just lay in bed thinking about girls and all the fun we're going to have when we get really good at this.

Ever onward. I keep thinking about those blonde girls, but there will be more where they came from. I am counting this day as the day 19 seeding exercise from the Style Life challenge round 2. I've decided to finish it (again), even if it takes me longer than 11 days.

206 approaches

This guy I know is fond of quoting this

"However old you may live to be, you will never have any other joy in the world than these few hours. Savour them to the very dregs, because, after this, there is nothing left for you. This first spring on which you have stumbled is also the last. Quench your thirst, once and for all; you shall not drink again."

Summary of stephen covey's seven habits of highly effective people

stephen covey's seven habits of highly effective people®
habit 1 - be proactive®

This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®

Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
habit 3 - put first things first®

Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation. (See the section on time management.)
habit 4 - think win-win®

Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood®

One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window.)
habit 6 - synergize®

Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
habit 7 - sharpen the saw®

This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.

Another quote

Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.
Jules Renard

Beau's Sig on the Board

Another great quote.

'All game is inner game.' - someone, I forget

'Clean the inside of the cup, and the outside of the cup will be clean also.' - Matthew 23:26

Definition of a man

A man only concerns himself with his future and present quality of life, and not the Lack of quality in his past.

-this is from a post on some message board. It's semi incoherent, but the general sentiment is correct.

Everyone's BAPping

Friday night, everyone BAPped except JCB, who at least stuck it out in the field. After work I met up with Effect and we hit some galleries. There were some sets at the galleries, but we BAPped. JayDog was an enormous pussy and decided to stay home, we tore him a new asshole every half hour via text message and voice mail. We went out to eat at this vegan biker restaurant in Bucktown, Handlebar. Handlebar was filled with hot indie biatches, but of course we BAPped.

We had to meet JCB and some lair guys at Wrigleyville at 10, on the way over we stopped at a Barnes and Noble. I did a set there, some cute blonde trixie biatch. Lousy set, I bail after the opener. She got a kick out of it though.

I get a fifteen dollar parking spot and we meet JCB at Bar Louie. JCB is ready to game. Me and Effect are feeling crappy - Effect is mentally ready to go but he has been battling a case of the flu or something, I had to drive him over to Costco earlier to pick up some prescription antibiotics. After about maybe a half hour of standing around Moe's Cantina with the lair guys, Effect starts feeling sick and we bail. I was in a crappy state due to some personal shit with my ex anyways.

We decide to try one last time and head over to Long Room in Lakeview. We get in a situational set each using this one dorky girl as a prop - she had toilet paper hanging out of her pants after coming out of the ladies room. Effect said my set wasn't going well but I eject early due to my crappy state. What a night. I go home and pass out.

Tonight I'm checking out JCB's martial arts tournament on the South Side, I doubt I'll get any gaming in. I have Monday off, I plan to use the rest of the weekend to take care of some business shit. My dad's birthday is on Tuesday, I still don't know what I'm going to get him.

204 approaches

Appetite for TFAF

I wanted to get all of this crap done over the weekend and I wound up sitting around the house, playing guitar, and going out at night. At least I got the Sweet Child O' Mine solo down. I went to this cookout at my parent's crib on Sunday and ate a lot stuff that will make me fat. No cleaning, reading, or financial organizing got done this weekend.

On Thursday I met up with the JayDog meister in Wicker, where he had been doing his homework at McGearty's. We drove over to Evanston and picked up Effect and Diva from work. While we were waiting at the bookstore for them to get off work, we got a few sets in - cute blonde chick in the cafe, Japanese chick on the stairs, some chick with curly hair and glasses at the magazines who I hit with the Style Life Cosmopolitan routine. They kicked us out of the store at the end of the night and me and JayDog went looking for an ATM - I got an approach in with this blonde chick at the movie theater across the street.

We went to Exit where the below video was filmed. Holy crap is all I have to say. There were some stripper looking biatches getting whipped by the doms. Wow. I got in 5 sets, most of them inconsequential. But that's not the point! The point is, well, check out that video. Haha JayDog is a freak! Then, retreat to Clarkes where we showed off JayDog's back to a bunch of mortified people on the street. TFAF.

Friday night I got out really late from my fantasy football draft, I met up with Effect at Longroom and we went to Darkroom. We were both exhausted from going out all the time last week and decided to call it a night early - 2am, early for us. No approaches.

Saturday night I met up with JCB, we went over to Lincoln Station to watch the Notre Dame game - then we met up with a bunch of dudes - Masterpiece, Hostile, Hostile's friend, this dude Pablo and his friend, at MaxBar. I got in a lot of sets that night at the bar, some on the street - the best one was this short chick, a high school Spanish teacher, long set, I really thought I was in. Then she bails, I find her later but this one dude is all over her. Not a great night for me, I really should be closing for Style Life part deux - man, JCB was in a bad state that night. He was really out of it for some reason. I told him how I really admired his game but it didn't seem to help at all. We also went to this one really cool club called the Apartment, sort of this hip hop place. I ran into my cousin Jason Bryan of all people, he was wearing a shirt that said 'fuck me'.

9 approaches in all on Saturday night. On Sunday I got rejected at the door at Neo, where I was supposed to meet JayDog and Effect, due to my crappy ID. TFAF. It is Labor Day, Monday. I woke up late today, played more guitar, went back to bed. When I got up Effect called, and we went down to Wicker Park for some gaming. I got one set in on the street so far, I might get more in later tonight but that brings my total up to ...


202 approaches

Time is flying. The world turns and I am still the same person, only a little different. A little more confident, some new friends, a little bit of game, a cleaner apartment, some extra money in the bank. I'm not changing fast enough, I have to keep reminding myself to be process oriented and not results oriented, but I'm so impatient. Soon it will be fall, the days are growing colder. My bed is growing colder, I feel so alone sometimes and I just need the warmth of a sympathetic female next to me at night. Just to feel the closeness, and feel connected to somebody again. But then I think, you know, TFAF.

Another Thursday Night Starring JayDog

You ready for this?