Nothing more than this

I'm always out of balance in my life.  The only way I know to accomplish anything in life is to focus all my attention on something, eventually some other area of my life breaks down.  I'm still reacting to situations that happened years ago, and I still think about people who I've long since lost touch with.  Life keeps getting stranger every day, and I'm more afraid of the world than I've ever been.  One thing has changed however, and that nothing is more important to me than what's happening to me in my life right now.  I feel like that's all I need to be happy.

First day

So I was really nervous at my first day at work.  Met my new team - some were in another state.  They sent us home early.  Here's some pics of the beautiful campus.

The long commute

Took the metra for my trial run of the commute to my new job.  Right now K. drops me off at the train station in the morning then I take the metra an hour into the suburbs, then a bus or shuttle (or cab if I miss the shuttle) to work.  Here's the view from the train station waiting for the shuttle.  When we move I'll be able to walk to the train station from our house.  It's about a 2 hr commute right now but after we move it'll be about an hour and a half.

5 year Career Development Plan

5 year Career Development Plan 03/07/11

I’m making this career plan after leaving UC, where I’ve worked for five years. I have 11 years experience in IT, mainly as a software developer. As of now I have XXX and XXX on my resume, soon I will have a stint at XXX as a contractor. My career development plan for the next five years involves developing my technical skills to an elite level in a focused range of marketable technologies, starting my own business and developing business management expertise, obtaining experience working with Fortune 500 corporate clients, and increasing my financial compensation level so that I can comfortably provide for my family.

Name:
Goal: Elite consultant/owner of consulting company --or-- IT manager or architect at a great company that I respect
Current education and experience: BA, MS, 11 years experience as a developer
Current skills: Various programming languages, open source softwares, and operating systems (see resume) - mainly database driven J2EE development on Linux

Objective 1:
Maintain employment as a contractor for 5 years, focus on working with Fortune 500 corporate clients and gaining experience in a focused range of marketable technologies. Develop a supportive network of contacts and references.
Target completion: 03/16

Objective 2:
Research phasing out of contracting through and agency and contracting through your own LLC or an umbrella company. Become familiar with the tax structuring implications of starting your own business and working as a contractor. Start LLC or sign with umbrella company and start soliciting work.
Target completion: 03/12

Objective 3:
Obtain a series of professional certifications that would position you as an expert software developer and architect.

1. Set of sun java certifications - SCJP, SCWCD, SCBCD
Target completion: 03/13

2. Oracle database certiciation - 11g database certified associate
Target completion: 03/14

3. CISSP
Target completion: 03/15

4. Project manager cert, this should be last one - PMP
Target completion: 03/15

5. TOGAF or SCEA
Target completion: 03/16

Objective 4:
Gain professional experience in a variety of marketable technologies for which I do not plan obtaining industry certification or for which there are non available - while making money. Do this by monitoring short term development projects posted on sites like scriptlance and elance that correspond to what you are currently studying. Do these projects and eventually start profile/company and bid on new projects.
Target completion: 03/18


Objective 5:
Raise industry profile by continuing to develop technical blog and attending users group meetings and networking.
Target completion: 03/18

More word vomit about major life changes

So work is not paying for my phone anymore, and I had to sign on to K's plan. I decided to get an Android phone this time. K. and I walked in the rain to the Verizon store while her parents watched the kids. Later we got dinner at Garcias and brought it home for everyone to eat.

K. set up appointments with realtors to look at new rental properties. We are interested in 3 bedroom places within walking distance of the Metra. She is anticipating the long commute to my new job starting this week, and anyways we wanted to move to a bigger place with an extra room for J. We almost wound up renting a place in Bucktown close to C. and J. - but someone beat us to it, it was small anyways. On Sat., we found a place that is as perfect as it gets - a 3br/2bath place in Old Irving within walking distance of my mom's - all new gut rehab, great kitchen, in unit laundry, first floor, whirlpool, ample space for our various strollers, virtually across the street from the Metra, etc. The only problem with this one is no parking spot - but our neighbors assured us that street parking is no problem.

So we are packing again, preparing to move from this place we spent almost two years at, where my son was born and where my daughter spent most of her life. Really the best time in my life was spent here, we have been so happy here - I'd love to stay if it weren't for the fact that we need an extra room for J. It's crazy to think that in less than a month we'll be undertaking another major life change. We've decided to sell off all our books (this task will be a huge undertaking), and give away clothes we don't need to make the move easier. Oh yeah, one thing that's cool about the place we're moving to is I get to use the spare bedroom as a guitar room. We spent all day yesterday packing and looking up how much we can get for used books online, we'll probably be busy with that type of stuff all month until we have to move on the 27th, and then we'll be unpacking and setting up the new place. It will be a very busy time and it will cost a lot of money to move.

Not to mention on Wednesday I start my new job. I have two days off, during which time I'll probably worry about making a good impression. Feel frustrated with this agency I'm working with, they have not given me much logistical information about the first day on the job, and have been very impersonal after I signed the work contract. K. tells me that she felt the same way a few years back when she worked as a contractor. Feel nervous, as this is totally new to me, feeling like I may have jumped into something without doing the proper research, dragging my family along with me. There's really nothing to research though - you can't tell corporate culture from a google search, there's really nothing to do but show up to the job and do my best.

So that's 3-4 major life changes all at once. We went to a party on Saturday at K's friends house - we talked to some girl there about how we've been hit pretty regularly with life changes every couple of months ever since we met 3 years ago - kids, moving in, marriage, my dad, new jobs, layoffs, moving, etc. I remember when my life seemed to move very slowly and nothing changed for many years. So many things going through my mind right now. Felt overwhelmed last weekend and didn't do anything productive, gave myself a little bit of a vacation since I won't be eligible for vacation days as an independent contractor. Feeling guilty about my family's living situation, and putting them through the uncertainty of this career change, feeling guilty about this tax mixup situation that I haven't written about. Trying to stay positive and put these things out of my mind, it's not productive to dwell on negativity. Thinking about what lies ahead in my career, it hasn't been remarkable so far, I'm really grateful for this opportunity to start fresh. I'm thinking about how on Friday I was talking with D. about how I haven't learned anything on the job in 2 years and am basically leaving to put myself in challenging situations where I can learn new things. As a contractor, my job security, career development, and financial opportunities are no longer determined by managers or office politics. I always felt if I were ever in a situation where my livelihood was directly tied to my hard work and technical skills, that I'd be able to rise to the challenge.

Last day at my old job

The company threw a party for me on my last day, I got to invite around 20 of the people I worked with most closely at XX, and even more people I had forgotten came to wish me good luck. They bought an ice cream cake. I didn't do anything on my last day except clean out my desk, attend my party and BS for the last time with old colleagues. Not surprisingly, everyone seemed disgruntled at the current administration and a little jealous that I was (supposedly) moving on to bigger and better things at another organization. T. seemed shocked that I was leaving so abruptly, R. seemed shocked that it only took me less than a week to find a new job. I was surprised at the amount of people who attended my going away lunch and the amount of support - I didn't know I was that well liked. When I left the building on my last day at work, the permanence of the life change that was happening suddenly dawned on me, and I had to catch my breath for a minute. I'm not going to miss that job, but I'll miss that time in my life despite all of its inherent problems. I'll never be that person again.

Last day of my old life

In the morning the alarm on my iPhone rings at about 5am, I usually hit snooze once or twice. Sometime later N. starts calling 'daddy' and I go to her room, pick her up, and sit with her in front of the tv to watch cartoons a little bit. K. wakes up and takes a shower while I feed J. a bottle. When K. gets out of the shower, I take a shower myself quickly, then change N., then do N's hair, and play with her a little more while her mom and brother get ready. I also make coffee, and fill up our little thermoses with pictures of ourselves on them, in preparation for the ride to work.

We bundle N. into her jacket and J. in his car seat and lug everything to the car. I buckle N. into her car seat and they drive me a few blocks to the train station. I kiss everyone goodbye and I ride the train to work, while sipping my coffee, listening to my mixes on my iPhone and reviewing my notes for this certification I've been studying for. It's taking way too long to clear this thing, but life always gets in the way - I've had a marriage, and two kids, moved to two different houses, and buried my dad along the way. We'll be moving again in a month or two, we don't even know where yet. And I start my new job next week.

I work, you know, 8 hours a day. It has not been a productive 5 years, my career has basically stagnated, and I've become lazy and unambitious. I hate that, and every time I try to break out of that mold at the job I'm told to keep doing things that are not interesting to me and that I'm doing fine (or not fine, as of late). Regardless, things have not changed at this job in a long time, and I was content to just let the situation be because I was too caught up in all the events of my personal life. This new job could be the best thing that's happened to my career in a long time. At least I'll break out of this rut that I've been in. I always believed that if I put myself in a situation where I'm forced to survive on my hard work and initiative, and I'm forced to learn and grow in order to adapt to new situations, that I would do well. Now's the time to show the world what I'm made of.

Work ends, I take the train home usually most days, while listening to my iPhone and reviewing my notes. I will be commuting even longer to my new job, it will be difficult. I'll have even more time on the train to study. Oh yeah I've been writing Android apps lately too. More on that at some other time, maybe. I walk home from the train station and my wife and kids are usually there. I play with N., watch Disney movies, push the stroller around the neighborhood, go out to eat sometimes, make dinner at home most nights. Some nights I go for a quick run, it's difficult nowadays since the weather is so cold. Around 8 we give N. and J. a bath, then I tuck N. into bed with a sippy cup of milk while I read her books until she dozes off. Then K. and I sip tea in bed and watch Hulu or a movie I downloaded, K. eventually dozes off too around 10-10:30. Then I sneak off to the living room and watch tv while I practice guitar and work on my music until I get too tired to keep my eyes open, usually around midnight, then I crawl back into bed with K. until the alarm wakes us up in the morning again.

This chapter is ending, this routine is gone, another one will take its place. We won't be living in this house in a couple of months, and life will feel different again. J. will grow up and will take more of our time. I have the opportunity now to get my career back on track. I told K. about my five year plan, she told me she thinks it's a great plan - take this contract job at XXX, take a different contract job at other fortune 500 companies every year for the next 5 years, continue to develop my skills and credentials and references - so that at the end of 5 years I'm either one of those highly paid contractor guys who works at home and makes so much money that he only has to work 6 months out of the year, or else I land my dream job at some corporation. We'll see where life takes me. If there was ever a moment to follow my passion and do something that matters to me, that moment is now. I'm going to let my love of life and learning, and my love for my family radiate in everything I do.

An unlikely success

Heirloom - Memoryhouse
Wilhelms Scream - James Blake
She Wants - Metronomy
Will Do - TV On The Radio
Mind Drips - Neon Indian
Heartbeat - Blackbird Blackbird
Need You Now - Cut Copy
W o r d - Star Slinger
I Want You - Summer Camp
I Follow Rivers (The Magician Remix) - Lykke Li
He Gets Me High - Dum Dum Girls

Preparing for departure

A Case Of You (Joni Mitchell Cover) - James Blake
West Coast Bird - Dirty Beaches
Lotus Flower - Radiohead
New Beat - Toro Y Moi
Killin' The Vibe (feat Panda Bear) - Ducktails
Do What You Will - Papercuts
Tip Of Your Tongue (Keep Shelly In Athens Remix) - Porcelain Raft
Forget That You're Young - The Raveonettes
When I'm Small - Phantogram
Take 'em Up (John Talabot Remix) - Shit Robot