Lost in this plastic life

Ready For The World - How to Dress Well
Lost In The World (No Tags) - Kanye West Feat. Bon Iver
our get - White Denim
Fade to White (Feat. Emily Reo) - Blackbird Blackbird
Helicopter (Diplo & Lunice mix) - Deerhunter
Heart is Strange (Active Child Remix) - School Of Seven Bells
Bombay - El Guincho
Who Knows Who Cares - Local Natives

View from my run

I got up to run in time to watch the sunrise for a change, here's a few pics of what I saw running on the lake today.

Come to the dark side, we have cookies.

Freak Love - Toro Y Moi
Helicopter - Deerhunter
Bluish - Animal Collective
03 I Cant Wait - Twin Shadow
Fifth Ave - Gold Panda
Heavenward Grand Prix - Japandroids
Long Distance Call (25 Hours A Day Remix) - Phoenix
Little People (Black City) - Matthew Dear

Quickly

I did 20 miles on Sunday, which would be the second time I've run that distance. I was completely exhausted the rest of the day but I did it around 2:55. I'm glad I've entered the 3 week taper until the marathon on 10/10. I'm glad the marathon is coming up, I've been training for/anticipating/dreading it for so long. It was a really fun running on Sunday - all the marathon runners were out, I ran for a stretch with a nice group of people who invited me to join their running group, which I may look into after the race.

A lot of stuff has happened - M's party, L. and N. were there, I haven't seen those guys in like 5 years. I said to K. it was like they were trying to hold a wild college party, except they're over 40. C's party on Sunday, which was a baby shower for J. and V., was pretty fun, everyone got a kick out of Nina. Mom in law was in town, which helped a lot as I didn't have to look after Nina while I studied for my exams and did my songwriting homework. I haven't written in a while - a lot of stuff like this has gone down, I just haven't had time to write about it.

Marriage is going fine, there's a lot of love between us, and the baby just adds even more love. I've been studying for the scjp and it's going very slowly, I may need another month which is not good because I thought I'd be done by the end of this month. Have been going to 'career coaching', the lady is very nice, I may not have to go back until I've finished a few certification exams.

My big thing these days is songwriting class. I feel bad because we had a small class to begin with and everyone else dropped out so now it's just me and the teacher. She's a great teacher, I feel bad that it's just me, I'm sure that has to be a little disappointing as a teacher - or maybe not. So I feel obligated to show up every week and do all my assignments - it's difficult because this is a really busy time for me, I have to carve out time to do this stuff, I guess it will always be a really busy time for me, as long as I care about stuff like my career and spending time with my family. Anyways, she had me start a written journal for lyric writing, brainstorming musical arrangements, freeform writing, etc. Stuff that doesn't belong on this blog as I see this blog as mainly for autobiographical writing. Mom's leaving for Israel and Venice today, we're going to hang out at her house tonight to see her off.

Covers

7 elliott smith covers
between the bars
angeles
son of sam
thirteen
alameda
independence day
tomorrow tomorrow

14 nick drake covers
pink moon
place to be
things behind the sun
parasite
road
fruit tree
clothes of sand
things behind the sun
which will
harvest breed
day is done
from the morning
three hours
hazy jane i

5 miscelleneous blues and folk covers
been smoking too long
black mountain
if you leave me pretty mama
my baby so sweet
blues run the game

I didn't notice

I didn't notice at first but she had the most piercing laugh. Not that it mattered, because by that point I was totally smitten in the infantile manner in which I used to develop crushes on women in college. It didn't matter that she had a piercing laugh, or a nasally voice, or that she didn't seem very interesting other than she seemed to like generally the same type of music that I did at the time - this was the early 90's so that would be, grunge bands, 'alternative' bands, some indie bands that I namechecked more than I actually listened to. She was very pretty though, in a pale petite exotic way that was appealing to me because I always pictured the girl that I eventually fall in love with to be pale and petite, with long dark hair. I will admit that she had the greatest head of hair I've ever seen on any human being, ever. I also wound up spending junior and senior year in college trying to hook up with women that vaguely resembled her, because I couldn't have her. So I decided I liked this girl, but really I just liked the idea of this girl. Our relationship wasn't anything at all. We went out a few times and talked about life. I didn't really care about her life, and I'm sure I made a terrific impression at the time, as my life was a complete and utter disaster. Practically everything about me was completely destroyed and blown to bits. Family relationships, school career, employment prospects, personal hygiene, substance abuse problems, no money to speak of, no friends, obsessive compulsive disorder, narcissistic personality, severe depression, addiction problems. I could just go on and on. I had dropped out of school and I was not doing much more than daydreaming about sex with her and being a rock star. I don't know what made me think I was qualified to do either of those things, other than I really wanted to badly.

Free Ride

At the end of the block there was a cul de sac that led to a series of dirt lots where new houses were being developed. There was a small lake dug out at the center of the neighborhood being built. Kids I went to school with rode around on new bmx bikes, I remember Randy had an Ashtabula bike, Chris K. had a Redline that I envied the hell out of. I felt ugly and insecure sometimes, sometimes I would look in the mirror and think that I had a handsome face. I always felt fat, even when I was playing a lot of sports and was a skinny kid. I always felt this pressure to stay at home, practice piano, stick the routine of swimming and karate practice, and at the same time maintain straight A's so that I could eventually get into a prestigious college and go to medical school - and at the same time be a 'cool guy'. All the cool guys at my school were stupid good looking kids that were probably smoking by the age of 12. Nowadays kids are fucking and doing heroin by age 10, I'm kind of scared for N. I remember daydreaming about being a famous celebrity - I was always a famous singer, my daydreams played out like music videos in which I was the star. There was always a pretty girl around whom the dramatic action revolved. Sometimes she resembled girls from my life, pretty girls who were just starting to develop breasts and gossip about making out. In some alternate reality right next to mine other boys were already 'going out' with these girls, which amounted to nothing but talking shyly, passing notes, gossip among mutual friends. Maybe kids these days have moved onto S&M and porno shoots, again I shudder for N. My hair was long and greasy and I wore the same pair of ill fitting jeans and red t Adidas t shirt every day, my style was always copied off of kids at my school who I wasn't exactly friends with but knew socially and whom I admired because I thought they were better looking, cooler, more popular and more sexually advanced than me. I used to make an effort to make these kids my friends. And they weren't necessarily 'jock' kids, they were actually borderline burnout kids, kids whose parents had divorced, who in a few years would probably start smoking pot. My parents never approved of my friends, they made an effort to isolate me as much as possible from the people I was friends with. I remember when B. moved to California, it was like I didn't know him anymore. I couldn't even call him when we went out there for vacation. I always had trouble asserting my need to hang out with my friends around my parents, while my brother L. would always bring his friends to the house. He had more wholesome friends than I, kids that would go on to be all state in something or other. I always loved people that were surly, rebellious, alienated to a certain extent, outsiders - but they had to be beautiful people. These were all guys by the way. Women were always a mystery to me, they still are. Even my wife, whom I know better than any woman, cotinues to do things that baffle me. She is the sun that warms my life, brings me happiness, when she wakes up I'm alive.

Give us something to live up to.

Like the Wheel - The Tallest Man On Earth
Blessa - Toro Y Moi
Deadbeat Summer - Neon Indian
Mr Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra
Fifth Ave - Gold Panda
Monster (feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver & Nicki Minaj) - Kanye West
We Used To Wait - Arcade Fire
Write About Love - Belle & Sebastian

Quote

The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.
- Alfred North Whitehead

evoking a memory/ongoing attempt at seduction

You're So Gangsta - Chromeo
Psychic Chasms (Anoraak Remix) - Neon Indian
Slow - Twin Shadow
Faxing Berlin (Grifta Dubstep Remix) - Deadmau5
Airplanes - Local Natives
Aminals - Baths
Heirloom - Sufjan Stevens
Ecstasy With Jojo - How to Dress Well