A Tale of Two Concerts

HBLacunaCoil is fading. And I gave her a cool name and everything! The reason I call her that was she was supposed to go to the Lacuna Coil concert with me last week, but she never returned the call when I called her to confirm. It was alright I guess, since I couldn't get her a ticket anyway and just needed some type of a time bridge. Turns out that bridge was burned. The Lacuna Coil show was pretty fun, though, even though I didn't really like Shadows Fall and I absolutely hated Stone Sour. What a shitty band. Me and my friends went out to eat at this pretty average Mexican restaurant beforehand. There were a lot of cute girls at this concert, seems like Stone Sour is getting pretty popular with the college crowd. I really wanted to make some approaches that night but I didn't because: a. the music was really loud, and b. I'm a huge pussy.


I'm really tired of dating bitches. Every time I think I meet someone nice, she turns out to be another flakey bitch who thinks her shit don't stink. I honestly walked away from the McDonalds date thinking that was my best date yet. Imagine my surprise when she doesn't return my call.


HBYooper, on the other hand, is totally hooked. It is getting really hot and heavy, I'm doing some really porno shit with her. I guess you win some, you lose some. I really like this girl, as I told JCB she may be gf material. More on her later...

Last weekend I went out with JCB and Uncle Meat, along with JCB's friends from work, to see this band the Gufs play the Double Door in Wicker Park. The bands were ok, I liked the second band a lot better than the headliners. We made some approaches, I had 7 I think that night. Not my best night of sarging, I felt a bit rusty. Me and JCB pretty much sarged the place clean between the two of us, we both admitted it was not our best night. Uncle Meat is a bad PUA. He cuts in on people's sets, I saw him trying to cut into JCB's friend's set. Some other weirdness that night: JCB's friend was hitting on some plain jane looking chick, we found out later he went home with her - then I found out later the dude is married with kids. Haha what a scumbag. We joke about him a lot now when we go out. This one girl JCB works with was there with her husband, and he was trying to get her to pick up a girl for a threesome. Freaks! There was this one bitchy fat girl who kept fucking me up all night, I kept trying to hit on her friend but I think she was talking shit about me.

Once you open your first set, the room becomes smaller, people seem more human and less intimidating than when you first enter the room. The problem that night was too much alcohol, too many people cutting into my sets, premature ejectulation rearing its ugly head once again.

266 approaches

Trump: Bush is the Worst President in the History of the United States.

Yes, goddamnit. I haven't really been that political on here, but I totally agree with this.

MacDonalds date, pure class

I am a big believer in intention manifestation. Look what happened. I wanted new girls in my life, I kept thinking about it - and I got some. I got at least one, maybe more than one depending on how stuff plays out. I may have some new stories soon.

3 girls emailed me online. HBStumpy, HBLacunaCoil, and HBYooper. Actually, HBStumpy just winked. I emailed HBStumpy and asked for her IM name. After about half hour of chatting, I asked for her phone number. We talked for a while on the phone last week. I asked her to hang out with me over the weekend, she said yes. I called her on Thursday, but she didn't answer. I thought ok, well that's that. But she still keeps IM'ing me when I'm not home - every day for the past few days. I haven't responded or called her back yet. Stumpy isn't that great, so I don't really care all that much.

HBLacunaCoil is my 'type'. Blonde Eastern European, complete with sexy accent. She is even a Capricorn. I have been talking to her a lot on the phone, today we met for the first time. She is cute, first impression is that she is the type of girl that I could easily develop very serious oneitis for if I'm not careful. She is young, and - remarkably - she doesn't have any kids or an ex husband! Halleluhiah! Actually all 3 of these girls I'm writing about are single with no kids as far as I know. HBLacunaCoil is a Phi Beta Kappa business student, which is very nice. Being the class guy that I am, I take her to MacDonalds and don't even offer to buy her anything. We sit there for a few hours in between her classes, and shoot the bull as she nibbles on her Filet o Fish. HBLacunaCoil is my favorite HB at the moment, it would be cool if things worked out with her, but I'm not expecting anything. I go into these situations with a lot less ego these days. I feel like we have a good rapport, but who am I to judge? Every time I think I am doing good, the situation blows up in my face. I feel pretty comfortable around her, more comfortable than when I'm with HBFrenchGirl or HBRussianGirl - but less comfortable than when I'm with HBPhoneSex. I think she is generally a nice person, but I've been wrong about that type of thing before.

There is a third HB - HBYooper, who emailed me yesterday. I email her back and say 'Listen, I don't like playing 'email tag'. Give me your number', so she does. I called her in the car on the way to meet HBLacunaCoil. She tells me she is on her way out the door to hang out with her friends, and will call me later. Maybe she will call. Yooper is also sexy, from her pics she has a great body too. It would be cool if something happens with this one too.

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. Winter was not that bad, either.
Things are looking up.

This guy is awesome :)

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

from a craigslist post that will probably be taken down sometime, via digg:

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
Date: 2007-02-15, 9:08AM PST


Advice to Young Men from an Old Man
1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.
2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time
3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.
6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.
7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.
8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.
9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.
10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.
11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.
12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.
13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.
14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
16. Keep fit.
17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.
18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.
20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older.
25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.
26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.
27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.
28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.
29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

vicioustwist
san francisco
02-15-07

* Location: SoMa
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 279126743

Random thoughts as I drift off to sleep

My plates are dropping. I feel like letting them drop and starting over. They were never really solid, except for HBPhoneSex, who's like in love with me or something, and HBRussianGirl when we first met. I felt like such a stud last Sunday, waking up from sex with HBPhoneSex in my bed, I go to check my email and there's this total HB9 who wrote to me on the online personals. So I write her back and ... nothing. That's happened to me a lot lately. I call that the 'email flake'. I don't understand what I wrote that could have caused the email flake. Honestly I've given up trying to figure it out. Women are spinning plates too, and as much as I hate to admit it, they oftentimes let my plate drop because they feel others are more important.

So I'm having a string of bad luck online lately. In person is not that great either, except for last weekend. HBRussianGirl keeps texting me. Last night I told her that I will hang out with her again if she pays for dinner. So far I have not heard from her. Right now I have no expectations, I have to remind myself to be positive all the time because honestly being out there in the dating world is pretty tough. One thing that is good is that I'm demanding better treatment in relationships these days, and I'm finding it easier to recognize when something isn't working out or someone is giving me second class treatment.

HBFrenchGirl used me. I don't know why she used me. I feel angry when I think about these women. I go into dating situations with an open heart, and a sincere desire to be a decent human being and friend. What do I get? Rejection, lies, evasiveness, manipulation. Maybe this is just standard behavior with women. In all honesty I haven't known any good women in my life. Every single woman has let me down, even Sophia eventually, and in the worst way possible.

I don't know what I'm going to do about HBPhoneSex. Last weekend shouldn't have happened, honestly. I just want somebody new in my life. I feel like I'm trying really hard to keep these quasi relationships going in the face of low interest level. One thing that is good is that it is spring again, and I will be going out more often. I'm much better at approaching than I used to be, maybe some good things will happen at the bars. God I feel kind of old to be bar hopping, especially at some of these places I usually go to.


I have been doing very well career-wise, and have been making strides financially, I've had a lot of successes outside of sarging. I'm having a lot of fun when I go out, even despite my women problems, and I'm getting along well with my family. I'm starting this really hardcore diet and exercise regimen - it should last two months, just in time for summer. Maybe it's time to not think about where love is going to come from next. Maybe it's time to let go of any expectations. I said before that my other priorities are more important than girls, it's much better in the long run if you are a balanced person with a variety of interests. I've been focused for so long on - what, sarging, partying, going out, figuring myself out, cheating the slow onset of time, chasing the illusion of beauty. I feel like my whole life I've been trying to recapture a past that never was. Maybe it's time to think about other things for a while.

I'm a careless employee, how to be more conscientious?

I used to make up for it by turning in brilliant work, now I'm merely getting by. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. This goes back to what my first boss used to tell me during my yearly evaluations - I'm a hard worker, very bright. But I'm a careless worker and I tend to be sloppy. This trait is biting me in the ass these days at work. I came home today and sat in the house and mentally berated myself for being so careless. The question is - how am I going to change? I can't go on this way, it will not help me advance in my career. I have to meditate on this, and figure out how to go about changing. Oftentimes stupid mistakes just happen, because I do things without thinking them through or forgetting to review everything and dot my i's and cross my t's before I turn something in.

From now on, treat everything you 'turn in' - as in, do something that other people, users, will be affected by - like a school assignment, and go over it carefully before it gets released to the public. Do this even if it slows you down more than you are comfortable with. Remember, once something is released you cannot take it back.

Rockabilly, bisexuals, text messages

I went out with Linux1 and the Opthamologist and their friends to see the Reverend Horton Heat at the Metro. Apparently there is an underground subculture of people who are into swing dancing and rockabilly music with a punk rock edge. I think you know the look - sort of the tattooed greaser look for guys, and the gothic betty page look with a lot of make up and the retro mini skirt dress look for girls. I actually really dig that look on girls. I read in a magazine somewhere that this scene is still fairly big in California - I had never seen it here in Chicago before.

Anyways, it was cool. I had hung out with Linux1 and the Opthamologist before, and believe me - I had noticed that the Opthamologist was an attractive woman. It was just that Linux1 - or was it Linux2 - had told me that she was a lesbian. Well, she's no lesbian. She is probably bisexual, but Friday night she brought her boytoy guy along, as well as her hot friend. Before the concert, we all went to Uncommon Grounds to hang out. I spend like 50 bucks on dinner, that place is a total rip. 50 bucks for macaroni and cheese and two glasses of beer. There were babes there, I should have approached someone. I feel sort of self conscious about doing approaches around Linux1, since he is so quiet and reserved. I haven't really analyzed this phenomenon before - I guess it is a combination of being preoccupied with talking with him, and me not wanting him to think that I am some sleazy guy who hits on girls all of the time. This is probably stupid, since he has mentioned hitting on girls before around me. Linux1 is a strange case - at first I thought he was gay, but he occasionally talks about hitting on girls. And he lives with the Opthamologist, who's sexual preference seems to be equally ambiguous.

The girls were a half hour late because they were still 'getting ready' - but when they showed up (accompanied by the Opthamologist's dude) - I realized it was worth it. They were smoking hot in their retro hairdos and makeup. I couldn't stop hitting on the Opthamologist's hot friend. I kept opening her the entire night. The Opthamologist's dude didn't seem to like me. He didn't say or do anything really overt, this was just a general vibe I got from him. Maybe I'm just imagining this and it's just a cognitive distortion like emotional reasoning. I remember the dude deliberately sat between me and the hot friend at one point so I couldn't talk to her, so I just got up and started doing approaches. I also made sure they saw me.

I did one approach - a bunch of girls up at the front of the balcony. They were frankly pretty average. I just approached them because they were closeby. They were pretty cold - they pulled over some bald tattooed gearhead looking guy that they had come there with - 'hey this guy is looking for the Darkroom? can you tell him how to get there?' so I just played along and kept making some goofy conversation with them.

I walked down to Smart Bar and did 2 approaches. Both were pretty much the same - lone wolves, brunettes, pretty average in looks, proximity, etc. I started asking them about swing dancing (remarkably, they were both into swing dancing and had arrived with swing dancing friends), the Reverend Horton Heat (who rocked by the way, the dude is a seriously awesome guitarist and a kickass showman), college, how they have totally redone the interior of the Smart Bar and how they have outlawed smoking at the Metro. Stupid chit chat.

The Opthamologist was hanging on me towards the end of the night, I think this pissed off her dude. He seemed pretty rude to me after all that. I asked her to give me some mp3 recommendations for good Rockabilly bands. I told her that I really liked the Reverend, but I wasn't really into bands like Brian Setzer Orchestra and Cherry Poppin Daddies, because I don't really dig the horns. She told me that I have to go with them to Martyr's for this monthly Rockabilly hoe down that they go to. Sounds cool, maybe I'll get a second shot at the Opthamologist's hot friend, I don't really care. Maybe I'll meet a cute Rockabilly chick with cat eye glasses and tattoos. I'm down with that.

This is just another night in the life of me. I'm just trying to stay positive, have fun, and experience everything that I can while there is still time. It's really hard sometimes to stay positive. I have to force myself at times when I don't really feel it. Dating is just fucked up, I hate it. At the same time I'm not going to settle down with just anyone - so I have to deal with the world of dating - which is negativity thrown in your face all day long by stupid bitches. And you have to swallow it up and smile and try to stay positive so that the next girl who comes along doesn't think you are a morose bitter asshole. Sometimes I just can't help but laugh at everything. HBRussianGirl has been texting me again. This shit is fucked up:

hey how have you been doing? you haven't called me. guess what? i quit my job! [This is significant since her ex works at the same place that she apparently just quit. I have always felt that she was still hung up on her ex and it fucked up our relationship.] We should get together sometime! HBRussianGirl

I text her back

let me know when you want to hang out --cheers

She is bored and/or lonely, and looking to fuck with me again. I don't know why I can't leave this girl alone. Oh yeah, because she's hot and she is really good in bed. I'll never learn.

259 approaches

I F close again - say what?

I F closed HBPhoneSex. It was like taking candy from a baby, actually. I made her buy me dinner, then I kept pulling her hair and calling her my bitch while we were doing it. Holy crap that was dirty. HBPhoneSex is a dirty dirty girl. This was probably my lowest moment, or my best, I can't decide.

What a wild and crazy ride this life is turning out to be. You know, I wasn't always a superstar. I used to be a boring old AFC. Why would anyone want to be with a boring old guy like me? But things change, my friend. Puzzy rolls in like waves lapping on the shore. And if you've got talent, well - they'll find you.

30 Days to Success - The Aftermath + A New Beginning

About a month ago, I decided to try Steve Pavlina's 30 Days to Success plan. This was my 30 day resolution:

Starting 2/12/07, I will spend at least an hour a day taking some action related to improving my financial situation. This action cannot be reading or planning.

And now that it's over, I can honestly say that I've changed my life for the better. I'm not going into all of the positive things I accomplished in the past month, but here are just a few:

-I'm in the process of negotiating a change in my credit rating that will eventually enable me to refinance my mortgage
-I bought a new car and dealt with the lease on my old car
-I have my finances fully organized in financial software
-I have dealt with probably the most pressing issue that has been causing me so much anxiety for the past two years, I won't go into details, but here's something I wrote myself this morning during a journaling/brainstorming session

I am at the point where I have faced my worst fear. There are loose ends to take care of, but the worst is over, and it is now a matter of organizing and prioritizing things I have to do. One thing I have realized is that you will never have a stress free life full of problems, but the very act of acknowledging and taking action on your problems greatly minimizes the amount of stress. For instance - as a result of spending so much time organizing my financial situation, I've discovered about 3-4 potential projects that I now have to deal with, such as fixing a mistake on my credit report that will screw me up later on when I want to apply to refinance my house, or realizing that I have a month to take care of my taxes. I don't know how much personal development work I've done. I even skipped weekly reviews for a couple of weeks. And I had one bad weekend where I was so nervous about talking with XXX that I didn't do anything. I also have been eating, let my workouts slide, and have not been practicing guitar. All in all, I *still* think that I accomplished more in the past couple of weeks than I have in the past couple of years. Keep going, Red. I believe in you, can't you feel your life getting better all the time?

I'm glad I did this. As you can tell, less stress in the one area of my life where I feel I have the least amount of control has led to greater confidence/self acceptance, etc in other areas of my life. I'm going to do it again, the way I work is really sporadic, which is something I need to work on - instead of working an hour a day for a week, I will work 7 hours a day for 3 days in a row, then take two days off. This is wrong, and this behavior will inevitably lead to burnout - I've seen it do so in the past. Another thing I've learned, and it really took this experience to teach me the value of this idea - is that, if you always keep your priorities in mind, and decide what to do at any given moment based on your values and priorities, then you can never go wrong.

Anyways, as I said - today I'm starting another 30 Days to Success cycle - this time my assignment is a little more wide ranging and ambitious:

According to the theory of free time - you have about 4 hours free time on weekdays, 14 hours freetime on weekends max - so, 48 hours free time a week total if you are not wasting any time. Starting 03/10/07, I will make sure that I spend at least 40 hours outside of work per week working on projects related to: Career, Finances, Personal Relationships, Guitar, Physical Health, Psychological Health, and Home. I will document the time spent on various projects weekly, and I will make sure to not spend more than 20 or so hours on guitar, which I tend to get obsessive about.

This guy is my hero

Homemade white lion wait video. It's fucking classic how he walks away at the end leaving the rose in the snow.

here's the thing. I made this because I was totally in love with this girl Heidi, and I was going to send it too her. after finishing it, I regained my sanity and this went into my "skeleton" closet never to be seen again. Recently, I started to think, what the hell? It's totally embarrassing but so f'ing what? If you can't laugh at stuff like this then you might as well be dead. dead I say!