Moonlapse Vertigo

I woke up at 5am today, kissed K. and drove to the gym from K's house, then worked out and did yoga before work. I'm at work an hour early today. Feels good to have extra time to get caught up. Life feels busy, healthy, and balanced - not as balanced as I'd like it to be but it's not bad, I should've spent a little more time this month with my financial stuff but I was so caught up with my business class. I'm thinking that I was blessed with a superior intellect, youthful good looks, and health - but my downfall has always been a tendency towards melancholy, depression, and laziness.

So I take it a day at a time, a week at a time - if I work overtime on a consistent basis, it is pretty much inevitable that I will do well in my career. That thought keeps me satisfied and focused despite the fact that I'm dissatisfied about many aspects of my job. I always remind myself that the past does not determine the future and that we are living with the repercussions of past karma, and that your current situation is not indicative of who you are right now.

My birthday was last weekend. I got some underwear, a gift certificate to Bloomingdales, and a designer tea set. I took K. over to my parents for lunch. I think my parents liked her, I could tell it made J. a little uncomfortable. A year ago I was going out all the time, and my life was totally out of control. I was surrounded by negative people. I can feel that the environment at work is changing again, now that certain people are leaving. It's weird how I almost hated certain people but now that they're gone I kind of miss them.

All I'm trying to do is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.

That exam was ridiculous, the prof pulled a 5 year old exam out of his archives. At least 45 percent of the exam weren't part of my study notes. The programming examples were in C++, not Java. I complained about the exam but I guess there's not much I can do. I shmoozed him a little before I left. I'm really glad that class is over though. I'm excited about being able to spend more time on my personal projects and getting ahead at work. Last night I crashed the minute my head hit the pillow, K. kept nudging me going 'hey let's do it!', but I wouldn't wake up according to her. Oh yeah I bought a new guitar on eBay btw - I sold my Jackson and bought an Ibanez S470. Can't wait til it arrives in the mail. My boss also tells me I'm getting a new Macbook Pro, I should be rocking when that arrives in the mail in a couple weeks.

I don't know why I'm including this dialogue from Trainspotting, probably the recurrent thoughts of mortality that keep running through my head.

Sick Boy: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
Renton: What do you mean?
Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you've got it... and then you lose it... and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed...
Renton: Some of his solo stuff's not bad.
Sick Boy: No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just... shite.
Renton: So who else?
Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley...
Renton: OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?
Sick Boy: All I'm trying to do is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.
Renton: What about The Untouchables?
Sick Boy: I don't rate that at all.
Renton: Despite the Academy Award?
Sick Boy: That means fuck all. It's a sympathy vote.
Renton: Right. So we all get old and then we can't hack it anymore. Is that it?
Sick Boy: Yeah.
Renton: That's your theory?
Sick Boy: Yeah. Beautifully fucking illustrated.

Talking to myself as usual

Almost time for my final for my business class.

You are doing good, despite many things in your life that still need work I'm proud of how hard you have been working lately. Keep this up and it is inevitable that you will have a successful, happy, life. You spent a lot of time studying for os, that is as it should be. Make sure that when it is over that you keepthis level of energy up and channel it into other career and financial projects.

Girl with big tits doing Tenacious D

this video is addictive for some reason.

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The wolf is loose

K.'s gone for 2 weeks. I've been preoccupying myself with cramming for the final exam and paper for this business class I'm taking over the summer. It's weird how I go back to my slob ways once my girlfriend's gone - the house is pretty messy at this point. I sit around and play guitar when I'm not studying. I went out with JCB one night last week - my first night back at Wicker Park in a long time. The place seemed pretty dead. I took JCB to the karaoke place K. took me to. He loved it, we just entertained ourselves fucking around with all the drunk people there. I'm back to my correct weight again after gaining so much weight in DC. Work is busy, but things are changing - certain people are leaving, I'll have to take on more responsibility. I'm actually looking forward to it. When this class is over, I plan to really devote myself to being excellent at my job. That's the way to live. Anyone who puts in between 50-60 hrs a week of solid work is sure to get ahead, it's just a given.