NLP Phobia Cure

From http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lady/archive/phobia-2.html

Newsgroups: alt.hypnosis,sci.psychology
From: Lee Lady
Subject: Re: Quick Phobia Cures (was: Request for Info on NLP)
Summary: The classic NLP phobia cure is basically just desensitization.
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 1993 22:34:00 GMT

In article <1993feb11.052037.487@netcom.com> friday@netcom.com (Carol Anne Ogdin) writes:
>In <1lbcrtinnrdj@usenet.pa.dec.com> stark@dwovax.enet.dec.com (Todd I. Stark) writes:
>>friday@netcom.com (Carol Anne Ogdin) writes...
>>> ...
>>>IMO, it seems to work best on specific phobias that have a specific
>>>stimulant (e.g., arachnophobia), but not as easily with non-specific
>>>stimuli (e.g., agoraphobia).

>>I'd be very surprised if it were otherwise, because most of the
>>techniques I've seen involve something akin to 'classical conditioning,'
>>under the name of anchoring, which has long been established as a
>>mechanism for instilling specific fear responses, or modifying them.

Although anchoring is usually not recommended as an approach to curing phobias, what is true is that the NLP phobia techniques are refinements of known approaches in behavioral therapy.

The first half of the Fast Phobia/Trauma Cure is basically just classic desensitization, with two important twists (see below). NLP claims -- and my own experience confirms -- that this sort of desensitization is also the best approach for neutralizing traumatic memories -- in the extreme form, Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome.

NLPers do not believe that the behavioral technique called Implosion or Flooding is the best approach for phobias, but they use a refinement of it (the Compulsion Blow-out) to break obsessions and compulsions.

>The most common NLP Phobia Cure relies on establishing a dissociation
>from the event (e.g., running a movie in the mind being watched by
>the Subject in an imaginary theater), then changing that movie by
>running it backward, chopping it up into random order, adding calliope
>music, etc.

There are two important differences between the approach used by NLP in the first half of the Fast Phobia/Trauma Cure and classic desensitization. First, and most important, in the mental movie the subject watches himself confronting the phobic stimulus. For instance, the subject does not make a mental movie showing spiders, but rather watches a movie showing himself encountering spiders. This seems to make a great deal of difference and is part of what Carol Anne is referring to by the term dissociation. (NLPers use the term dissociation in something close to its original meaning, rather than as reference to what psychiatrists call Dissociative Disorder.)

Second, since behavioral therapists think in terms of extinction (whereas NLP most often thinks in terms of replacement), the behavioral approach first trains the subject in relaxation before beginning the desensitization. Since relaxation is one of the least powerful of all internal states, it takes quite a bit of work to train a subject to be relaxed while imagining something he has a mortal terror of.

Instead of relaxation, NLP asks the subject to further dissociate by imagining floating up out of his body and watching himself watch the movie. (I like to have the subject imagine floating up into the projection booth so that he can be in control of the imaginary experience.) In this way, the subject has been taken several levels away from reality: He is imagining being in a movie theatre rather than the therapist's office. He imagines having not having an experience there in the movie theatre, but watching a movie of himself having the experience. Except that instead of imagining that he himself is watching the movie, he imagines that his consciousness is having an out-of-body experience watching himself watch the movie. Furthermore, the movie should be silent, in black and white, and perhaps grainy, jerky, and flickering. As Carol Anne suggests, one can also have the subject supply an incongruous musical accompaniment.

In the second half of the Fast Phobia/Trauma Cure the subject ``associates into'' the movie at then end, after the horrible experience is over and the subject in the movie is safe. In other words, he imagines himself actually being there, seeing everything three dimensionally and in color through his own eyes as a participant. Then he runs the whole experience backwards several times very very fast (in only a second or two). Like a VCR backspacing. Speed is essential here.

This approach requires only a single session with the subject. Or at least so NLP claims, and my own experience confirms. The process itself usually takes less than fifteen minutes. When neutralizing a memory, the subject does not need to actually tell the therapist the details of the traumatic event.

If a subject says to me aftewards, ``Is this something that I should practice when I'm alone?'' I take this as in indication that the process has not been completely successful. When the technique works, the subject simply loses interest in the traumatic memory or phobic stimulus. (One subject I treated for a memory of childhood abuse was reluctant to go through the process with me at first because ``If I think about what happened, I'll cry.'' Two weeks later she told me ``I still know what happened, but it's as if I read it in a book.'')

--
It is a poor sort of skepticism which merely delights in challenging those claims which conflict with one's own belief system. --Bogus quote

Regarding Affirmations

So I'm going to work on 3 affirmations per week from now on as well.

From Tommy W on mASF:

If you want to learn how to do them correctly, check out my archive. Humbly speaking, i've mastered affirmations. The shit that everyone has to say about them is OFF. Being in a 1 person apartment and listening to affirmations, experimenting with them, and creating new ones 15 hours a day for a few months (last year) will teach you a lot. Here's some QUICK advice; i suggest you take it to better your life:

-Don't use a long list of generalized statements. Use several SHORT statements that are SPECIFIC.

-Record your affirmations. Use the same tonality when you record them. Why spend time typing them or writing them or saying them, when all you have to do is put on earphones and YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONCENTRATE ON THEM to have an effect. Your subconscious picks up the message. Anything besides recording them and using playbacks is a waste of time.

-Use your own language. The way you talk to yourself is best. Everyone talks to themselves differently. Most people's definitions of words that they use differs. Use your own words... if you like the idea/concept of someone else's affirmations, then use your words to convey that message.

-When you record/say your affirmations (once again, record them), use the proper tonality. Lets say you want to use "life is fantastic". You would say "Life is FANTASTIC!!".

-There are 2 main categories to affirmations (although they can blend). Experience and Perception. Perception is what you are using: "i am confident", and it alters the frame of mind that you think in. Experience is used to create motivation "i am talkative", and it makes you want to BE just that.

----

Why affirmations work.
We are affirming things to ourselves all the time. Some positive some negative. If we had a bad month were a bunch of shit happened that was bad, then we'd be in a slump. Also you might gain a belief of "bad things happen to me". Similarly the opposite: "good things happen to me". When you use affirmations, they work whether you want them to or not. If you use "i am really confident", you MAY think, "wait... no i'm not... these aren't working!". <--- this is where a lot of people stop using affirmations, which is a mistake. Instead, keep using them. What happens is that you begin to think along the lines of "wait... no i'm not... but i should be... i mean, it's easy to be confident... maybe i'll hold my head high today... hell, i have a lot of things going for me... HOW CAN I BE MORE CONFIDENT?" Basically after you have affirmed something long enough, your mind says "this isn't true, but how can i make it true?". And your mind takes the quickest route (that it knows) to getting it done. Perception affirmations alters/reframes your mind. Experience affirmations creates motivation for something to happen: example "i am very talkative" --> your mind might start thinking "i should be talkative... how about today i speak out more... just to see what it's like". Sometimes you'll just start being more talkative without making up your mind to be talkative.

Here's my newest affirmation. Notice it's specific and short and in my own words.
"I am realistically very very VERY optimistic"


There's a ton of other shit, but i've brought enough to the community on this... and it's very repetitive.

Getting Things Done + todotxt

I'm going to start a .txt archive of all the todo lists I create, as well as a 'weekly review' of my progress of life goals. I'm also going to use a command line app called todo.txt

I got this concept from Getting Things Done by David Allen, recommended by Style. Every week review your purpose, top 5 priorities, and the current status of these areas of your life. It's a really great book, I intend to put a lot of it into practice in my life.

07/30/06
My purpose:
To continue growing in all areas of my life so that I eventually become a self actualized individual. Develop this.

My top 5 priorities in order:
1. My career, education and finances
I want to be a rich, professionally fulfilled CIO. I want to be an expert in my field. I want to have all of my material desires fulfilled, and the financial resources to pursue anything I set my mind to. I want to have a side project programming multimedia applications in objective c. I want to be a well educated, cultured individual who can talk intelligently about any subject.

Career is holding steady but not exactly spectacular at the moment. I am doing an adequate job at work, need to turn it up a notch. I am improving, just have to stay focused in terms of performance on the job.
Education is lousy at the moment. I have to get nu straightened out. Action should be taken on this in the next two weeks.
Finances are the area I need the most improvement in. I will spend a lot of time focusing on finances this week.

2. Dating attractive women
I want to have beautiful, loving women in my life, and regular sex.

I am doing as much as I can in this area, as previously this area needed more work than my finances. I am making a lot of progress, this week I was only held back by finances. Continue with sarging, research, and inner game work.

3. Friends and family
I want to have a vibrant social life filled with fascinating friends who treat me with love and respect. I want to be able to be treated with love and respect by my family.

I have been making a lot of friends lately. Social life is really improving. Looking forward to future growth in this area.
Some contact with family this week, this is adequate for now.

4. Guitar playing, writing music
I want to be a skilled, creative and competent musician. I want to eventually record beautiful music for posterity and perform for people.

This is in bad shape. No action on music/guitar playing in many months. I have lost my chops. Instigated a regular program of at least a couple hours of guitar practice a day, no lessons yet until you are in good shape. Check out zen guitar dojo this week.

5. Health
I want to be a healthy and attractive individual.

Health is fine. I am 160 22 bmi. I could be more cut. I start metamucil/glutamine/whey again this week, start up with fitday again.
Some things I want to do in the next month: clean teeth/start teeth whiteners

Day Game, Street Festival

Date: July 29, 2006

Location: Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 1 wing

Lincoln Park Street Fest with my wing, the pornographer.

APPROACH 1:
3 set of HB8+ blondes. Village People. Premature ejectulation.

APPROACH 2:
2 set of HB8 hipsters. Village People. This was a good set - dhv's, disqualifications, negs, - then the dreaded premature ejectulation.

APPROACH 3:
Another one that I'll regret. Beautiful HB9+ redhead with the most awesome legs. I negged her silver shoes. See my post below about ejecting too soon - this was the one. I love this woman, I know it's crazy. First time I ever ejected because the girl was just too damn beautiful. Great set too. Myspace opener, then google opener, then disqualifier, tc, then dhv, then the neg. First time using the neg about how I saw a few people wearing the same shoes - yeah right, the same silver shoes. This set will forever haunt me. Same with the HB texan from last night. I am going to push past my comfort zone from now on.

APPROACH 4:
3 set of mediocre HB's with major attitude. What's up with mediocre HB's with major attitude?


97/250

The Scene at Rodan

Date: July 28, 2006

Location: Wicker Park bars, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 1 wing


Night out with my wing, the pornographer. 3 approaches, one of them was a really good approach and re-approach with an HB8 blonde from out of town who was here for p4k fest. I eject early due to my debilitating fear of rejection/success - see post below. The other was a really crappy martini bar + 'thug lovin' approach of a table of bitchy UGs. I approached someone else, honestly this night was a blur. I have to remember to document this crap when I get home. I'm approaching at such a fast rate these days. AA is definitely gone. This premature ejectulation thing is really gnawing at me, that blonde was ready to party.

93/250

The Chicago Lair + Wrigleyville Approach Festival

Date: July 27, 2006

Location: Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 2 wings

On Thursday I met two members of the Chicago lair at a cafe in Wrigleyville. We had coffee outside and discussed the game. These people were very different but already seem to me like they will become significant in some way in the future. It was a really great night. The month of July, and the Stylelife Challenge has really changed my life in a very positive way.

One guy had to go to a previous social engagement, and couldn't hang out with us the rest of the night. He and I made plans to sarge together the following night. The other guy and I walked around Wrigleyville for the next 4 hours and proceeded to sarge the town clean. It was a really fun time, especially after four days off and not approaching anything. I feel positive about being in the game again, like my efforts are paying off - I'm really changing my life for the better, my game is getting better, I'm making new friends, and I'm enjoying myself for a change.

Everything from the last couple of days is a blur. I'll try to remember the 14 approaches we did this night.

APPROACH 1:
Street set, 3 girls 1 guy, girls were 6's at best, hipsters. We were using Lance's idea of opening people on the street before you get to the bar to get warmed up. Situational opener, I ask them if they know where a good martini bar is because we had a friend coming into town that night who liked martinis. Some vibing, etc.

APPROACH 2:
3 set of HB college girls in workout clothes. I give them the 'thug lovin' opener. Their moms come out of nowhere and pull them away. The girls have amused looks on their faces, their moms are looking at me like I'm a crazy man.

APPROACH 3:
3 set of HB8 hipster girls outside of movie festival where there's a film festival. I use a pre-opener of 'how much is it to get in to the festival', 'is it going to be cool?' etc. Then me and wing go into Village People opener. Some tc, dq, then wing pulls me away. He tells me they are really young, frosh year in college max. I can't tell anymore.

APPROACH 4:
6-7 set, mixed ages, maybe there were a couple of HB's in there. I ask them where a good martini bar is for our friend from out of town. They direct us to a bar down the street, we go wandering in that direction.

APPROACH 5:
We hit the bar. I open up a table of 4 HB's, best one was a 9 blonde. I hit them with Village People. This was a good set but I eject due to my debilitating fear of rejection/success/whatever.

APPROACH 6:
I think I stopped a couple of HB's walking by and hit them with Village People, I can't remember.

APPROACH 7:
I stop a couple of Latinas.With.Attitude. and hit them with Village People. This is a lousy opener, I tend to break into it when I can't think of what to say. I have to remember not to use this opener, it's just horrible. Learned an important lesson about latinas: way too much attitude relative to hotness.

APPROACH 8:
I hit up a really really drunk asian chica and ask her about my friend's romantic predicament - my wing just told his gf he loved her and now she won't return his calls. This chick is vibing with us for a minute them gets engrossed in a convo with her friends. Bar is crowded, we eject.

APPROACH 9 - 13:
A blur to me. I can't remember these.

APPROACH 14:
We sit at a table, 3 mediocre HB's sit down and give us all kinds of attitude. I get into a disagreement with the 'birthday girl'. Total bitches, disgruntled aging mediocre chicks. God I am really sick of mediocre chicks with attitude.

90/250

Crap night @ Wicker Park

Date: July 21, 2006

Location: Wicker Park, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 1 wing

Well the best thing that has come out of the challenge for me is that AA is now totally gone. Last night I went out to the hottest clubs in town and opened up total HB10s. I did not succeed in getting a number close though - in fact, I encountered major bitch shields for the first time in my approaching career (I now have about 75 approaches under my belt). These women were vicious. I forced myself to open six sets in 2 hrs - when we left I felt like I had just left a war zone.

Me and my wing critiqued our approaches that night. He told me that I knew my material cold, that I am fearless in approaching, but my voice is monotone and my delivery lacks energy.

He's right. Night game is still relatively new to me. I have done night game a total of 4 times since I started counting my approaches. I am still getting used to the higher bitch shields, all the dudes, and adjusting my voice projection to the loud club environment.

More than anything I think I am just emotionally drained from approaching. I don't even care anymore what they think of me or if I even succeed in closing, it's just a blur at this point - I just want to finish the day's assignments. The past few days it has started to seem a little bit like a chore to approach. I hope the enjoyment comes back because that is the only way I'm going to be in the positive, energetic state necessary to have a successful approach.



APPROACH 1:
3 set of HB10s - brunette and 2 asians - they cut me off right at the opener with 'um sorry we're lesbians' then they laughed. I thanked them and ejected. Probably not as bad as some people have experienced, but so far the most brutal blow out I've yet to encounter.

APPROACH 2:
I approach a 5 set of HB6/7/8 blondes/brunette whatever sorostitute types at another bar. I wind up focusing in on this one with wavy hair. I go into Village People - which was not working for me last night at all. I try to neg her about her hair or something, I seed, but she is just rolling her eyes and trying to pass me off to her friend. I eject.

APPROACH 3:
I approach an HB8 brunette cutie at a tequila bar. Village People opener, neg about her bag, seed, try to segue into dhv, but she cuts me of and literally flees to the other side of the room. Village People really came off like a canned line last night, especially with my energy level so low - it's just not congruent. I found out that this girl was a bartender that just got off work, maybe she was just tired and was sick of guys hitting on her.

APPROACH 4:
I approach some chick in glasses - HB6 at best. Huge bitch shield and patronizing attitude especially for someone I wasn't even that attracted to. Village People - again, not working for me - neg about glasses, try to segue into dhv but I get the 'I've gotta go' attitude.

APPROACH 5:
Approach HB10s on the street. I say hi loud enough to hear, but they just keep on walking

APPROACH 6:
Approach redhead HB7 and brunette HB7 at bar. Village People, this actually hooks, it turns into a 20 min conversation with a few other people joining in. My original target was the redhead - who was playing some video trivia game. I try to open her and she gets mad at me - 'you have to ask me that while I'm playing this game?' then she walks away. So I continue my game on the brunette. Turns out that some quiet dude that was sitting closeby was her boyfriend. When we find this out, me and my wing eject.

76/250

I eject during a perfectly good set

I eject during a perfectly good set. This is my sticking point.

Looking back on my approaches from the past week, I have wasted perfectly good sets that were going well by walking away due to some emotional problem of mine. My wings have noticed this too.

Case in point: Last night, HB9 blonde at the bar. I approached, laid an opener, time constraint, disqualifier, neg, dhv story, then a lot of vibing. This was at least a 10 minute set during which I got such IOI's as 'what's your name', 'where are you from', 'come over and talk to us', ec, kino etc. I ejected for no reason better than 'I started to feel weird because I ran out of things to say'. I should have just kept vibing, kept my head together, went into Attract 3 phase, kept my nervousness in check. My nervousness was not even evident to anyone present. The target did not notice it, my wing did not notice it. I just left because deep down inside I did not want to face the rejection of trying to close and getting denied - even though the set was going well at the time.

The same thing happened today: HB9 redhead. Opener, disqualifier, root, time constraint, neg. The neg felt forced to me because it was the first time I used it. I was previously feeling comfortable in the set, now I was nervous - so what do I do, instead of staying in the set, vibing, getting myself together and pushing it to close, I eject because deep down inside I did not want to face getting rejected if I try to close.

I notice this happens especially if I am talking to a girl that I am really attracted to, and am having a good rapport with.

I have done close to 100 approaches so far. I don't have AA, I know my technique and routines. This is a block for me for some reason, and I know it is preventing me from closing great sets with girls that I really like.

I don't know what to do about this except keep approaching and hoping that I will eventually just click and stay in the set even when my head is telling me to leave.

-------

This reply from DonDiegoGarcia of the stylelife forums was awesome:

* What is the value of rejection? *

Talk about counterintuitive.

If this piece is missing from your game, you are going to be missing out:

* Fear of Rejection *

The solution is quite simple:

*

* Rationally Crave Rejection *

*

BUT HOW? I can hear you saying. "How?" questions are great questions.

Because we are dealing with invisible demons of the mind "How?" can be different for different people. Some people will listen to rational reasons. Others rely on faith. Some people just need a shove. Others rely on positive dialog or pictures or body feelings.

At some point you have to "Know Thyself" and learn what works best for you.

I'm not saying you should emotionally CRAVE REJECTION permanently. That might make your mind sick if you get emotionally invested in it. It's better would be CRAVE REJECTION RATIONALLY just for a short while to get out of your slump.

You see, if you are FEARING REJECTION, and you want to

get to the ideal state of NEUTRAL TO REJECTION, it might be a good exercise to first

go through a period of CRAVING REJECTION.

*

* Straighten Crooked Metal by Bending it the Other Way *

*

Let's look at a piece of metal.

If you have a piece of bent metal that is crooked, and you want to straighten it, you must first bend it a little bit the other way. Then, when you let go... Voila! The metal will be straight?

Magic right?

Same with training, if you practice swinging three bats to train your muscles, then when you swing with just one bat you will score a Home Run!

If you are Fearing Rejection, you might first need to go through a short training period of Rationally Craving Rejection.

*

* It's a Numbers Game *

*

Let's look at a corollary: SALES

A good sales person rationally craves rejection. Why? Because he knows if he makes 100 approaches, then he will get 10 appointments, and out of those 10 appointments, he will close one sale. (For example.) Now, of course, he isn't EMOTIONALLY craving those 99 rejections. That would be kind of backwards. But he KNOWS, that those 99 rejections are what he MUST GO THROUGH to get to that ONE SALE.

With improvements in skill, our fine sales person may be able to better his ratio to one sale for every 10 approaches, or maybe even one-for-two! But we'll leave that for another topic. Whatever your skill level is right now, it's best to accept it and use BRUTE FORCE to get to where you want to go.

*

* You are Not the Spoon *

*

What is rejection, anyway? Rejection is the declination of an offer.

ME: "Want a spoon?"

THEM: "No thanks."

No emotional sting here, right? OK, Now how about this:

ME: "I'm going to this Hip Party Saturday Night, wanna tag along?"

THEM: "No thanks."

ME THINKING: OH MY GOD! THEY REJECTED ME! I'M SUCH A SCHMUCK! (Just kidding.)

A social rejection is not a knife into your heart, although it might feel like it at first.

She doesn't know you from Adam. She doesn't know what a wonderful, sweet, kind, loving soul you are like your family and friends do. So get it out of your head and MOVE ON.

It might be her. And it might be you.

You could be great, and she's got the problem. She could be busy, or she has to work or study, or she's just not comfortable yet.

OR it could be that you need to improve your game. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. We are all at different levels in our game development and that is just the way the world is.

This is not a competition. This is a cooperation.

It's called "The Community", not "The Great Race".

*

* The Pain of Not Knowing is greater than the Pain Of Rejection *

*

The title says it all.

I believe this to my core.

This was probably the single idea that got me to a place where rejection is just mechanics to me now, and it has very little emotional sting. Like someone is flicking their finger against my shoulder. I know it's there, but it doesn't really hurt.

If you don't believe this, you just gotta meditate on it and see that it is true. Type it out, print it, and tape it to your bathroom mirror in big letters. Make that your new mantra.

*

* Rejection is a Valuable Status Indicator *

*

It is a report card. It tells you what you have to work on.

If you walk up on a cold approach, and you get dirty looks,

then you might need to work on your appearance or attitude.

If you can open well, but they always dismiss you quickly,

then you might need to work on your energy level and memorizing routines or flow skills.

If you can start a conversation, but they are consistently resistant to exchanging contact information,

then you may need to deepen your rapport skills and Intrigue Loops.

If they go on a date with you, but they are not feeling that "spark",

then maybe you should work on Kino Escalation and sexually flavored language and innuendo.

If you can start a sexual relationship, but they always end up dumping you,

then maybe you need to work on revamping your core values.

If you never get a rejection, you won't know what level you are at, and you won't be able to

fully explore the possibility that you really kick ass!

Muster courage, bravery, and rationalization to face the fear of rejection

to make it an objective status indicator, not a subjective disapproval of your inner being.

It's OK to play with silence. Silence can be your friend.

Think of pauses and extended pauses as part of your game repertoire.

Enjoy the silence. Experiment.

Try smiling and laughing like you are getting a private joke that no one else gets.

They might ask you why you are laughing.

Then relate your funny dream or a joke or a story or whatever, and get the ball rolling again!

*

* Get the Rejections you Need to Up Your Skill Level *

*

I can usually tell how an interaction is going without an explicit rejection. But I will almost ALWAYS test to make sure if I'm right.

Consider your offer a TEST. It's a test of your skill level. Will she say "Yes."? Will she say "No."? or will she say "Maybe." ? How often are you right?

With more practice, you will be better able to read people, and your predictions will be more accurate. Make it all a like a scientific laboratory experiment with NO emotional attachment. The world is one bi g Social Laboratory. And you are the DOC!

This may not be Approach Anxiety, but it is a correlate: Offer Anxiety. You are anxious about the result of your offer for an exchange of contact information, for a date, to hold hands, like that. The cure is the same. Get off the emotional attachments to the results. Turn outcome dependence into outcome independence. Tune out your Limiting Mind (LM) and tune in your Freedom Mind (FM):

LM: "I'm scared to make an offer for a date because I might get rejected." FM: "The Pain of Not Knowing is greater than the Pain Of Rejection! Let's do it!"

Do what you gotta do to get the result you gotta get.

*

* Visually Beautiful People are People Too *

*

As for acting differently around really attractive people, get over it. They can look crappy in the morning or in a police mug shot just like the rest of the population. They might be mean or crabby or superficial or selfish or not into having a good time with you, so don't get all excited about a cover girl, until there is a reason to get excited. (Wry smile.)

Try Forward and Backward Visualizations to get over this one. When you are talking to people you are OK with, visualize they are REALLY PRETTY.

When you are with people you are nervous with (TYPICALLY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) visualize they are ugly Joe or Jane down the street.

Helpful?

;Don Diego Garcia;

;D;

Refocus on Inner Game

I'm going to start doing some other inner game stuff on a regular basis:
1. Church (already doing this) - every week sunday
2. Meditation, paired with nlp audio, huna book on how to meditate - nightly at least 20 mins
3. Yoga class at the gym or meditation meetup group - at least once a week
4. Continued therapy - weekly or biweekly
5. Continued reading - start/keep a reading list
6. More in depth cognitive distortion inventories - daily or every other day as
possible
7. Positive affirmations - research these and start incorporating them into your life, use them every day as much as possible

Crazy Guy @ the Mall + STRIPPERS

This is for 'The Style Life Challenge' day 19. Assignment is to 'seed' an upcoming fun event. You should 'seed' this event at least once today during an approach, the other 2 times can be with people you know. I overdid it and made 6 approaches today.

Date: July 19, 2006

Location: Mall, Schaumburg, IL

Solo Sarge


Pre approach seed: I practiced seeding on one of my colleagues at work - I seeded this free outdoor classical concert they have in the city. I didn't have to sell it too much, as he seemed really into it.

So I needed 2 more 'seeds' for today's assignment. My state was pretty lousy after a long day at work, by the end of the night I was in an ok mood though. I went to a mall and did 5 approaches. I seeded this rock music festival they were having in a different part of the city for these sets.

I did 5 approaches in an hour at the mall. They were pretty mediocre approaches, but I have caught up the day I missed and am still in the challenge at least. I got more comfortable after the 3rd one. I deliver the opener pretty well, I still have trouble going into disqualifiers, then dhv's then the seed. I forget disqualifiers most of the time.

APPROACH 1:
Opened a cute japanese girl at Urban Outfitters. She seemed a little scared when I approached her, then after I deliver my opener she tells me, in broken english, that she doesn't know how to speak English. I eject.

APPROACH 2:
I approach an HB6.5 brunette at the Apple store, who was looking at laptops. I was really nervous, I stumbled on the Village People opener, first time I've used it.

me: Hey can I get a quick opinion on something? I was having a debate with one of my friends and neither of us knew the answer to this, can you help?
HB6: ok
me: Remember the Village People? Was there a fireman? My friend says there were 5 of them, I thought there were 6? So far we've counted a construction worker, an indian, a cowboy, and a motorcycle guy. And a fireman?

me: Ok, this is a two part question? Can you name a song by the Village People other than YMCA or Macho Man?

I got a polite answer, but I eject because I was just too damn nervous and she was looking at me weird. But not before mentioning 'Hey have you heard of this cool street fair they're having in Wicker Park this weekend? They're going to have live bands and art exhibitions. Should be a fun time, me and my friends are gonna go.' Lousy approach, way too nervous, voice was shaky as hell. No disqualifiers other than, 'I can't stay long just a quick question...'

APPROACH 3:
I open a 2 set - HB7 brunette and HB7 blonde preppy girls. I open with the Village People, disqualifier was I can't stay long I have to get somewhere, pretty crappy disqualifier. I get a polite answer, throw in a seed about the street fair, then thank them and eject. Still nervous, they were sort of laughing at how ridiculous the question was.

APPROACH 4:
I open a 4 set - HB6 latina pushing a stroller, HB7 latina walking with some dude, probably her boyfriend, and a little kid. I walk with them, they laugh a lot at the ridiculous opener. I neg one of the girl's jewelry. I throw in the seed about the street fair, turns out they're from out of town. I eject, they are looking at me like I'm a crazy man, but I can tell they thought it was funny. Not nervous here, I didn't do the ringfinger routine or any dhv's other than throw in the fact that I lived downtown.

APPROACH 5:
I open a lone wolf HB7 redhead walking around the mall. Semi long set - turns out she is an expert on 70's disco music, since she knew a whole bunch of Village People songs. No negs, no dhv's. I had her laughing and felt pretty relaxed in this set. I throw in a seed about the street fair and eject. This one I could have possibly pushed through to comfort and possibly close, but of course I am an enormous puszy.

Date: July 19, 2006

Location: Strip Club, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 1 wing

I accompany a friend of mine to a local adult entertainment venue, obstensibly because they have 'free drinks', although I'm actually there for the bodacious tatas.

I run my full game - my entire repertoire of openers, negs, dhv routines, 'seeding', and Mystery's 'leading close' - during 4 stripper sets tonight. I throw the works at them - Village People, dogs vs. cats, jealous gf 2 part, i love you, ringfinger routine, the cube, 3 roads, etc etc. Might as well get some practice while I'm here. I figure every PUA has to have some stripper game every once in a while. Most of the sets went alright, I was definitely relaxed here since I didn't get so nervous having to approach. It was great to see their faces light up when I gave the ringfinger routine, or see them laugh when I open with 'thug lovin'.

Even though I am violating my rule of 'no hired guns', I am going to count these 4 stripper sets as 1 set - since I tried to close 1 of them, got denied, and it actually hurt a little since by the end of that (long) set, I actually liked the girl.

Style Life Challenge is Kicking My Ass

It's been awhile. I'm still doing stylelife challenge - it is kicking my ass. I come home at 9-10 every night doing these exercises. A lot of them are exercises in conversation and not really approaches.

I have done 7 approaches for stylelife since last time I wrote. They were using these new routines that style is having us use. I was very incongruent, and I didn't get a close or anything. So far I've just been trying to keep up with the assignments.

I've been looking back at the stuff we've done. I'm pretty much over my approach anxiety - man I remember approach #1. I was scared sh*tless. Now I can approach no problem. It is fitting in all of these different pieces - the disqualifiers, the DHV stories and routines - that I am having trouble integrating into my approaches. They all add up to solid game, but a lot of the time I am struggling so much during the set that I forget a lot of them.

If you can though - learn the 'ring finger routine' - that is just gold.

I will write more when I have time.

Disqualifiers @ the Mall

This is for 'The Style Life Challenge' day 10. Assignment is to approach 3 times using a canned opener from the list generated by the challenge participants. You should also throw in a 'disqualifier', or 'neg hit'.

3 sets at the mall, trying to stay in this style life competition. I'm not pressuring myself to SBAP. I am not trying to close, I am big into Mystery Method now, and I am concentrating more on transitioning smoothly to a2 and a3 now, instead of trying to close everything no matter how far I am into seduction. If I try to close before c2, it will be a weak close anyways, and I need to get the process down.

Date: July 10, 2006

Location: Mall, Skokie, IL

Solo Sarge

APPROACH 1:
Supposed warm up set of 2 sorostitute types in the parking lot outside of Nordstroms. HB7 asian and HB5 brunette with bad acne, would have been cute otherwise. I hit them with the 'dogs and cats - which make better pets?' 2 part opener. They seemed - or the brunette seemed - to be in a hurry to catch the bus. The asian got a kick out of it. I could tell they thought I was weird. Warm up set anyways.

Work on:
I did not stack the opener, although I did go for a 2 part opener, I did a disqualifier 'well I can tell you are busy, I gotta go anyways' - according to the style life guidelines. No DHV, no CF (although goofy). Semi relaxed, ok body language.

APPROACH 2:
HOT hot French milfy goodness. About 40, HB9 brunette wearing really expensive clothes. So sexy. OMG. I got this one lady sitting at a park bench, smoking. At first she couldn't believe I stopped and talked to her, then she gave me major attitude - with the accent, I thought she maybe couldn't understand English very well. So hot. Leopard print high heels and pink toenail polish, I'm a huge sucker for that type of shizt.

Anyways, I give her my neutral opener - dogs and cats 2 parts. She likes dogs, big dogs, and does not think it's masculine for a lady to have a big mean looking dog. Caught her checking me, but I honestly got so flustered by her huge attitude at the beginning, that I had a hard time just barrelling through to a2. Neg was - 'those are great shoes - what size are they, 9?'

Later, I saw her walking around with this older guy in a suit that had to be her husband. Didn't feel so bad about blowing myself out of the set after that.

Work on:
Plow through to a2, stack the negs, DHV.

APPROACH 3:
At Barnes and Nobles I approach my favorite of the day - brunette cheerleader type in a miniskirt, HB9. Major IOI's, a lot of giggling and smiling, EC. She liked me. I gave her the 2 part Jealous Girlfriend opener and she ate it up. Long set. I realized that she was probably way too young for me, had to have been freshman in college or even younger. I couldn't close this, I'm way too old. So I just thanked her and ejected. So cute though. I liked her as much as the Hot French milfy goodness.

I love the game. Every day is an adventure. I will master this goddamn game if it takes me the rest of my life. I love talking to women, just seeing the smile on this HB's face was enough to make my day, and I know I made her day too. It's really starting to get fun.

Retarded Mixed Sets

This is for 'The Style Life Challenge' day 9. Assignment is to approach 3 times using a canned opener from the list generated by the challenge participants. The sets should be mixed guy/girl.

I hate mixed sets. Definitely one of my sticking points. I did 3 really crappy approaches today, just to stay in the challenge. Not proud of these, but honestly I didn't run into any HB's in mixed sets today, and I just wanted to get these done. Women involved in these sets were HB's only by the wildest stretch of the imagination.

Date: July 9, 2006

Location: Grocery store, Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


APPROACH 1:
I walk up to a latino family - young father, young mother, little kid about 4-5, baby in a stroller, and a mother in law. I approach because the mom is an HB and from far away she looked like she could have been the teenage daughter of the family. I open with 'could I get a quick opinion on something? my friends and i were having a debate and I wanted to get your opinion. Dogs or cats - which make better pets?' The little boy loves it, he says dogs. I follow it up with 'This is a two part question? Do you think it's feminine for a guy to have a cat, and do you think it's masculine for a girl to have a large dog like a pit bull?' They answer me, I couldn't tell you what their responses were. The mom dad and mother in law were looking at me like I'm insane.

APPROACH 2:
I do a quick approach of a nice looking short guy and his girl in the soda aisle. I hit them with the 'dogs and cats' opener, they get a kick out of it and laugh. I wish them a good day.

Date: July 9, 2006

Location: Street, Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I need one more approach for the stylelife challenge, so I approach a guy/girl who are waiting at a red light on their mountain bikes. I open them with 'flossing - before or after you brush?'. They both say 'after', I thank them. The guy's looking at me like I'm crazy.

The Wing Who Could Not Wing

This is for 'The Style Life Challenge' day 8. Assignment is to approach 5 times using a canned opener from the list generated by the challenge participants.


Date: July 8, 2006

Location: Bookstore, Uptown, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


What I thought would be an easy warm up set, turned out pretty crappy. Huge biatch shield on this one, especially for an HB6 at best. Possible lesbo. I approach an HB6 black girl sitting on a couch reading magazines and ask her if she's read any good books lately. That was supposed to be a sort of 'pre opener' leading to fluff talk, leading to me delivering a canned opener. She gives me a biatch look and points to the stack of books next to her, then ignores me. I persist. She gives me one word answers to my questions. I detach. Whatever biatch. You're just another brick in my palace.


Date: July 8, 2006

Location: Heavy metal rock festival + Nightclub, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 2 wings


Another night out sarging. I'm becoming comfortable approaching during club game. We're out last night at the Cabaret Metro, which is a big concert venue in Chicago. We're here for the Emergenza festival, sort of a rock festival for up and coming metal bands. One of the sets took place at this nightclub called 'Smart Bar', which is attached to the Metro - if you buy tickets to a concert at the Metro like we did, you can come and go at will to this nightclub.

This venue was filled *to the brim* with hot hot hot rock and roll HB's, which was a shame because it actually turned out to be a horrible place to sarge - too loud, couldn't hear what anybody was saying, too dark, people were too preoccupied looking at the stage, hot and sweaty atmosphere, so I looked like sh*t too. I'm just there to rack up my approaches anyways.

APPROACH 1:
I yell something out to a group of HB's in line for drinks/food. I think I asked them what type of wine they were drinking. They totally ignored me and kept walking.

APPROACH 2:
I am out clubbing again with the **** blocking wing who cut into a really good set last time and started gaming my target. I approached a 2 set of HB8.5's, blonde and brunette, and lay the 'Can I get your opinion on something? My friends and I were having a debate and I was wondering if I could get your help? If you could work at a job you found fascinating, or another job that you found boring but paid twice as much, which would you take and why?' opener on them. I am in the middle of a2, vibing them, looking for openings to neg and dhv, when my wing cuts in and *stands in front of me and the targets* and starts giving them the 'best friends test'.

I hit the roof - this guy ruined two really good sets for me the last time we went out. He is in the middle of giving them the 'core values' test when I pull him aside and give him a big lecture about 'wingman rules'. He apologizes profusely but by that point the set is blown.

APPROACH 3:
We're at the nightclub, on the dance floor. My wing is trying to give me dancing lessons, we look really funny I bet. I notice an HB7 brunette sullen chick standing off to the side and try to open her with the jealous girlfriend 2 part opener.

me: Hi- can I get a quick opinion on something?
HB7: yeh
me: I'm trying to give my other friend advice on a relationship issue, I'm not really qualified to give advice in this area since I'm a guy - I was wondering if I could ask your help?
HB7: I'm the wrong person to ask for help.
me: My friend is going out with this girl, she's a bit of the jealous type. My friend is still friends with his ex, he talks to her still, and now his girlfriend is telling him he can't talk to his ex anymore.
HB7: Like I told you, I'm the wrong person to ask about relationships. I was with this guy for 2 years and he totally f*cked me over.
(I try to neg her here - sort of a weak neg. I do the 'hey you got something on your face' one.)

I should have transitioned to another opener here, but instead I run the jealous girlfriend 2 part opener into the ground here. I ask her a whole bunch of questions about how her ex f*cked her over and why. She winds up getting really sullen and bitter - I realize that she arrived there with a group of people standing off to our side and that the guy who f*cked her over is probably in that group. I have ruined the mood - brought her down instead of bringing her up. She is angry and sullen now, I detach. My first use of negs, still lousy at it though. No CF, body language and voice projection were weak. Loud clubs will continue to daunt me unless I take care of the voice projection thing.


Date: July 8, 2006

Location: All night diner, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Players: me + wing


Me and my buddy are eating at this all night diner, talking about how the metal concert was a lousy place to approach, and discussing game. I have to get one more approach for the style life challenge, so I turn to an HB7 blonde that is getting up from the table next to us and open her with 'flossing - before or after you brush?' She laughs, so does the rest of her table. I did not persist because at that point in the night I was mentally wiped out.

Wine Tasting Class + Good Club Sarge Finally

This is for 'The Style Life Challenge' day 7. Assignment is to approach 5 times using a canned opener from the list generated by the challenge participants.


Date: July 7, 2006

Location: Cafe, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I am at my wine tasting class. The class is done, and the group is mingling and about to leave. On the way out I ask the group - mixed group of 7 people, including 4 girls, only one of which is even close to being an HB. I don't know these people.

me: Guys, I just wanted to get your opinion real quick. Me and my friends were having a debate and I just wanted to get your help?

...

me: Dogs or cats - which makes better pets and why?

This leads to more discussion, we wind up fluffing for a few extra minutes.


-------


Date: July 7, 2006

Location: Various bars and clubs, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL

Players: me + 1 wing


Summary of a night out clubbing with my buddy, an rAFC.

I'm finally approaching at the bars, and using canned openers too. I am so into this stylelife challenge thing, that I forced myself to approach even though I am still pretty intimidated by the bars, to make it easier on myself I didn't put any pressure on myself to try to close - although at least a couple of them were pretty damn good sets and definitely closeable. I know, SBAP. I have this huge block when it comes to club game so I was just trying to overcome my AA at the bars.

APPROACH 1:
I'm at this wireless coffee shop/bar type place, waiting for my wing, when I open this HB8 brunette chick who was sitting next to me reading, with 'Hi, can you watch my laptop please? I have to go to the bathroom (pause) don't steal it!!!(wink)" After that, she loved me. Lots of EC, I wait a few minutes and try the 2 part jealous girlfriend opener on her. This girl is pretty cute, she is hooked. We vibe on the opener for a while, but I am not able to transition into a2 with either a neg or dhv. Later on I get a lot of smiles and EC, but my friend is there asking me about stuff on my laptop. She winds up leaving and saying bye to me before she leaves. I liked this girl a lot, so cute. I'm going to regret not being able to transition to a2 with this girl - I think a part of me is too nice, making it hard for me to neg. I did dhv by letting slip various details about my job and condo, though, during my convo with my friend. I felt really energized after this though - my first approach at a bar.

APPROACH 2:
We're walking to a bar down the street and a Jewish looking HB7 cutie is getting out of her car. She looks at me and says 'hi'. So I go in for the kill. I open her with the 'career opportunities' opener:

me: Hi. Can I get a quick opinion on something?
...
me: My friends and I were having a debate, and I was wondering if I could get your help. If you could work at a job that you find really fascinating, or another job that you find boring, which would you choose and why?

We actually wind up walking down the street with her and her friends for a few blocks, I am vibing her about jobs (she's in pharmaceutical sales and is a realtor part time) and the real estate market, which I'm actually quite interested in. My friend's jaw is on the floor, he can't believe my game.

Here is where I am a ***** though: We arrive at our destination. It is the bar that I avoid since I have had my worst night sarge night at this bar, it is a real meat market, real crowded and loud with a lot of AMOG's. I decide not to go into this bar with her, and tell her we were supposed to meet our friends down the street, even though she wanted us to go in the bar with her. We detach. I did not neg, but I was CF with her. Definitely vibing this girl, I don't know why I have such a complex about this one bar - I told my friend one of these nights we should go to this bar and stay there until we have at least 10 approaches. I have to get over my superstition about this bar, as it is filled with babes usually. Really good voice, body language, dhv's with this girl though.

APPROACH 3:
I stopped a 2 set of HB8 blondes on the street and ask them 'Hi can I get a quick opinion on something? Flossing - before or after you brush?'. They were walking the opposite way, and we were at a crowded cross street, not much to note about this one.

APPROACH 4:
I approach a 3 set of extremely hot sorostitute types - HB9s all the way - 2 blondes and an asian. I open with 'Flossing - before or after you brush'. Hottest girls of the night, they even hooked - they asked me and my wing where the cool bars are. Unable to transition into a2 with them - mental note to get my negs and dhv's ready, it's really hard to think of them on the spot.

Canned Openers @ the Mall

Date: July 5, 2006

Location: Mall, Skokie, IL

Solo Sarge


I decided to go to the mall after work and try to work the 'can you recommend me cool clothes stores' on some chicas. My first victim was an HB7 asian that I was standing in line next to at the food court. There is some dude standing next to her who I thought might have been talking to her, possibly her boyfriend. I pay for my food, and decide, boyfriend shmoyfriend, I'm gonna open this little honey.

me: Hi, can I get your opinion on something?
HB7 asian: yeah?
me: You look like you know a lot about fashion -
HB7: (gives me this skeptical look, she's wearing a t shirt and jeans and sandals)
me: I have this friend coming in from out of town, he's from Utah, and he's pretty fashion illiterate. He asked me to take him shopping. What stores do you recommend?
HB7: (eyes don't really light up, this routine doesn't really transfer to the mall, seems forced at the mall, maybe it's my wording) Oh I like Abecrombie. (I notice the dude next to her has bleached hair and is decked out in Abecrombie)
me: Oh yeah he needs a suit - any places that sell formal wear you'd recommend?
HB7: blah blah blah (I don't catch much of this, I try to play along and pretend to take mental notes - I do catch 'Benetton' and 'Bloomingdales')

We vibe a little about stores in the mall, I ask if she likes any other malls, she asks me where I'm from, we talk about Skokie and some of the suburbs around there. I can tell by her smirking expression she knows I'm hitting on her. They give us our food. The dude is really her boyfriend, I notice he's carrying her tray. I get boyfriend anxiety, thank her and eject.

Another brick in my castle. I walk away, the boyfriend is looking at me funny. I don't even care anymore. I actually think it's funny when I wind up hitting on some dude's girlfriend in front of him.


Date: July 5, 2006

Location: Mall, Skokie, IL

Solo Sarge


I'm walking into Bloomingdales and there's a 2 set walking in at the same time - HB9 blonde with a half shirt and a kicking body, and her, er, friend who is basically a 4. I open the door for them, they say 'thanks' and give me EC. I open.

me: Hi guys, can I get your opinion on something?
Both: yeah?
me: You guys look like you know a lot about shopping.
(I don't get the enthusiastic looks and smiling like I did at the thrift stores yesterday - but I notice the hottie is giving me EC and checking me out)
me: I have a friend coming into town this week - he's from Utah. He asked me to take him shopping - what stores do you guys recommend that sell men's clothes?
HB and friend: Oh Nordstroms.
me: Is that in this mall?
HB9: yeah it's on the other end of the mall.
me: (tired from walking) oh. What other stores? He needs to buy a suit for a job interview.
friend: There's this store...
me: yeah, Bloomingdale's is a little over his price range.
friend: There's also Marshall Fields.
me: What brands do you guys like?
Both: blah blah (I notice the cosmetic counter lady looking at us)
me: Hey do you guys know any other malls close to here?
HB9: There's not any close, other than Woodfield.
me: Oh Woodfield is far right? You have to get on 94 and go through the toll road.
friend: There's also Oakbrook mall.
me: How do you get there?
both: blah blah blah

I vibe them like this for a few minutes. The HB blonde is so hot. I did not try to close, it was a botched set. I was not thinking: open -> negs -> dhv -> C+F - > comfort and rapport -> isolate -> close. I did not know how to transition from the stupid 'clothing recommendation opener', mainly because I didn't want to neg the friend since she probably already had LSE anyway, and I couldn't pick anything out to neg the HB about. I should have just picked something, anything. I thank them and detach.

Key points:
AA is pretty much gone. I have to focus on the technique now. As with the other set - good EC, good voice, good body language (did a lot of arm gestures with this set, I found it helps keep me from fidgeting or folding my hands and going into a low value position). HB was so hot, goddamnit. I should have continued this set. I'm coming up with a cheat sheet and game plan, I'm giving myself a deadline of tonight to finish it and I'm going to stick with a structure from now on in my approaches.

I wasn't gonna post this one

F*ck it, I'm counting it. I basically opened up an UG. It was a good set, and I didn't notice the UG-ness until I was already into the set.

Some Bullshit

Date: July 4, 2006

Location: Walgreens pharmacy, Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I needed one more approach for the Style challenge day 4 assignment. I picked a 2 set of HB6 middle age russian ladies at the pharmacy and ran the 'clothing store recommendation' game on them. They were not from the area and had no recommendations.

Thrift Store Approaches on the 4th of July

The following approaches were done as part of my Day 4 assignment for this boot camp type thing I'm doing called 'The Style Life Challenge', hosted by Style. The Style Life Challenge Day 4 assignment involves approaching attractive women and asking them to recommend a cool clothing store.



Date: July 4, 2006

Location: Urban Outfitters, Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I walk up to an HB8 blonde looking at t shirts and delivered my canned opener.

me: Hi, I wanted to get your opinion on something?
HB8 blonde: yeah?
me: I have a friend coming into town and she wanted me to take her shopping. I was wondering if you could tell me if there are any cool stores in the area, like this place, but for women?
HB8: Well um. There's that store across the street, I was just there.
me: Cool what's it's called?
HB8: Not sure.
me: Are you familiar with the Lakeview area?
HB8: Yeah why?
me: You know any cool women's stores around there?

Some dude comes up and stands next to her. HB8 look at the dude and asks:
HB8: Honey do you know of any cool stores for women?
Dude: No we're kind of new around here.

I thanks them and detach.

Work on:
I was pretty nervous here, delivering a new canned opener, body language probably wasn't that great. I wuss out whenever there's a dude involved, these guys looked like they were married though. There were a couple of open sets, but I felt so nervous that I walk out of the store without opening them, I should have. It would have probably calmed me down.


Date: July 4, 2006

Location: Used clothing store, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


Outside of this used clothing store, I walk up to an HB7 brunette and was about to open her, but I wuss out at the last minute. I catch her giving me a weird look. I walk into the store and look around a little. I walk up to an HB8 blonde hottie looking at sunglasses and deliver my canned opener.

me: Hi.
HB8: hi.
me: I just wanted to get a quick opinion.
HB8: yeah
me: You look like someone who knows where all the cool stores are.
HB8: (eyes light up, smiles widely)
me: I have a friend coming into town and they asked me to take them shopping at the cool thrift shops, do you know any?
HB8: No (smiles) we're not from around here.
me: Where you from?
HB8: Naperville.

I start gaming her, talking about the usual - what you in town for? Naperville? cool!, etc. Man, I had her smiling, or maybe she is just a naturally happy person. But then the HB7 brunette I didn't open outside comes up and says something to her, so I thank her, and detach.

Work on:
I should have stayed in the set, it was a split second decision, I got a little nervous because the HB7 friend interrupted, but I should have pushed on. SBAP. This canned opener is *awesome* - I'm going to use it all the time at thrift shops, and I'm going to adapt it to stores at the mall too.


Date: July 4, 2006

Location: Head shop/bondage shop/clothing store, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I spot the winner for today - this HB9 brunette rocker chick, as I'm flipping through posters at this one shop called the 'Alley'. I was about to turn around and open her, when her long hair boyfriend comes up to her and starts talking to her. So I walk around the store and look at stuff a little more. I'm looking at little buddhist statues and bongs when I spot the HB9 brunette rocker chick by herself again, looking at miniature japanese plants.

me: Hi I just wanted to get a quick opinion on something?
HB9 rocker: hi yeah?
me: You look like someone who knows where all the cool stores are.
HB9: (eyes light up, smiles widely - they love that line) yeah?
me: I have a friend coming into town - he asked me to take him shopping at the cool thrift shops. You know of any?
HB9: (launches into a *long* spiel about all the cool thrift shops in the area, including which stores are the most expensive, while I nod and pretend to take mental notes about all the different stores and where they're located, stopping her at various points to ask her to give specific directions)

It was then that I notice the long hair cro magnon boyfriend standing behind, me, glaring at me. I thank her, and abandon set due to boyfriend intervention. I was vibing her. If she was alone I would have continued the set.

Key points:
Good smile, EC, body language. Nervousness under control.

Work on:
No negs, DHV, C+F. I didn't think of these things as I was in the set. I am working on a cheat sheet right now, should probably practice a little by myself before I go sarging to get these things down. It really helps to have a set routine, although I find the situational opener better in daytime sarging situations.


Date: July 4, 2006

Location: Used clothing store, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I'm at another thrift shop when I spot a 2 set - HB6 brunette with a shaved head, HB6 with long hair, altogether borderline in looks, but I had to finish this day's assignment, so I decide to open them.

me: Hi
HB's: hi
me: I just wanted to get a quick opinion on something?
HB's: yeah?
me: You guys look like you know all the cool thrift shops in the area.
HB's: (eyes light up, smile widely - goddamn, this opener is awesome)
me: I have a friend coming in from out of town, she asked me to take her shopping at the cool thrift stores. You guys know of any? I only know this one because I drive past it all the time.
HB's: Ohhh yeahhh. well there's blah blah blah up the street on Belmont. In fact Belmont has all the really good blah blah, and there's also one in Hollywood Square.
me: So this one is the best? Where's Hollywood Square?
HB's: well blah blah blah and it's up on blah blah and blah ...

5 minute set, man they were smiling. They loved me at the end of the set, I could have stayed in the set gamed them, but to be honest - looks were marginal, and they were possibly giving off the lesbo vibe. I was tired from walking around all afternoon anyway, so I detach.

Key points:
Not nervous during this set, great voice projection, body language, EC, smiling.

Work on:
No C+F, no negs. Wasn't really an opportunity in this situation.

Recommended clothing stores: thrift stores in the Belmont/Clark area

No Habla Ingles @ the Gym

Date: July 3, 2006

Location: Gym, Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I was using the squat machine at the gym when this happened. I turn to the HB6 latina chica who is using the leg curl machine next to me and open.

me: Hi, how is that leg curl machine different from the seated one?
HB6: (she mumbles something. The only things I can make out are 'they're the same')
me: Well I noticed that you were using both - is this one better?
HB6: (she mumbles something. The only things I can make out are 'they're the same')

I realize that she doesn't speak very good English. Maybe she knows enough to keep the set going, I continue.

me: So you are doing both leg curls? That's a lot!
HB6: (she mumbles something. The only things I can make out are 'they're the same' and 'they're good')
me: How many sets do you do?
HB6: 5.
me: Wow that's a lot! I only do 3 sets of 10.
HB6: (she mumbles something. The only things I can make out are 'they're the same' and 'they're good')

We're both getting frustrated by the language barrier. I abandon this set due to language problems.

Work on:
nothing to be done about this shiat.

Hot HB9 Number Close @ Yuppie Coffeeshop

Date: July 2, 2006

Location: Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I am informed that the wireless network at the internet coffee shop that I'm at is not working, but that I should be able to 'steal' wireless from one of the neighboring stores and apartment buildings. I take a seat and try to finagle a wireless connection from some of the ones listed in my airport display. All of them seem to be either impossible to connect to, or WEP password protected. After a couple minutes of this, I look across the small room and notice 2 HB9 brunettes - 1 taller one with a banging body with a mac laptop and 1 with cat eye glasses with awesome legs with a windows laptop. I yell across the room to them and it begins.

me: Hey are you guys getting a connection?
HB9 windows: yeah, I got one.
HB9 mac: Well I did have one, but now it's not working?
me: Which network are you guys using? I've tried them all I think.
Both: default.
me: Really? I'm not seeing 'default'? How did you get it?
HB9 mac: You have to enter it under 'other'.
(HB9 mac comes over, sits next to me, and fiddles around with my airport connection on my laptop, manually typing in 'default' under 'other', it seems to connect)
me: Ah, a hacker!
HB9 mac: (giggles)
me: Thanks.
HB9 mac: no problem. (goes back, sits down with her friend, they start talking about something or other)

I start trying to bring up websites in a browser, and all my connections time out.

me: (to HB9 mac) Hey it's not working again.
HB9 mac: It just came back for me.
me: Really? Maybe it's where I'm at.
I move to a table closer to them, making sure that I'm not directly facing them like I previously was.

me: (fiddles around with airport settings again) Now it's working.
HB9 mac: Yeah, now mine just went out! (laughs)

I pretend to work again, I put my headphones on and type some stuff out. The HB's are talking about how hotmail sucks, and how one of them has 357 spam messages.

me: So you guys know of any other wireless coffee shops? I really have to send this email out.
HB9 windows: Well...
me: I usually go to this one coffee shop but their connection was out, so I went here instead!
HB's: (laugh)
HB9 windows: We're not from around here.
me: Oh yeah? You guys in town for Taste of Chicago?
HBs: no. hehe.
me: Yeah I was going to go this year, but it's too crazy. So many people last year.
HB9 mac: Yeah we weren't planning on going.
me: So where you guys from?
HB9 windows: We're from the western suburbs - Northbrook.
me: Oh really? I've been there. That's a pretty cool town.
HB9 mac: It's boring!
HB9 windows: Do you live around here?
me: No I live more in the Lakeview area.
HB9 mac: Cool.
me: What are you guys doing, shopping or something?
HB9 windows: Well we have a friend that lives around here. She's in a nursing program at DePaul.
me: Is that where you guys went?
HB9 windows: No I went to Wash U.
me: (to HB9 mac) What about you?
HB9 mac: I went to U W Madison.
me: Ah, that's cool.
(They notice my 'Northwestern' shirt)
HB9 windows: So you go to Northwestern?
me: No I just graduated. I got my Master's there. It's just a shirt.
HB9 windows: Really? What did you study?

..... long convo ensues. We talk about schools, how HB9 windows was a Bio Chemical Engineering major and just got a job in Phoenix. We talk about Phoenix, how HB9 mac will probably visit her a lot there. How HB9 mac was a journalism major and is currently unemployed, and how you're allowed to slack the first couple of years after college. I should have given them the best friends test, I wasn't thinking.

HB9 windows: So what do you do?
me: I'm a software engineer.
HB9 mac: So you're the hacker!
me: hehe, yeah I was just being facetious.

I detach for a while, and pretend like I'm doing work. They start talking about soccer, I cut into their convo and talk about Germany and Argentina. I detach again and pretend to do work. They start talking about how HB9 mac needs renter's insurance for apartment. I had just gotten homeowner's insurance last year and I advised them to see if they can get a package deal on renter's insurance from the same company they get their car insurance from. DHV = 'homeowner's' insurance.

I detach again. They start talking about their nursing student friend. I've been there for an hour at this point talking to them, and I decide to leave before they do.

me: So where have you guys gone this weekend? Know of any cool clubs?
HB9 mac: We went to Soundbar.
me: Oh I went to Spybar a couple weeks ago - that's right across the street. How's Soundbar?
HB9 windows: It was crowded, a friend had a party there and put us on the list.
me: Cool. Hey I'm going to be at a club tonight, you guys want me to put you on the list?
(they look at each other)
HB9 windows: Yeah cool.
me: So how can I get hold of you?
(they look at each other)
HB9 mac: Well you can call us.
me: Cool, can you call my cell phone so I can save your number?
(she calls me, I save her number)
me: Well I have to go, I'm late. Nice meeting you. I'm nonchalant.
(We shake hands)
HB9 windows: I'm HB9 windows.
HB9 mac: I'm HB9 mac.
me: Cool, I'll call you later (looking at HB9 mac, the really hot one, although they're both totally smoking)
HB's: (as I'm walking out) byeeee

Halfway down the block, my heart is racing. I stop and call my wing and tell him we have to set up some type of guest list at a club. I walk a little more, my heart has stopped pounding in my chest a little. A little more down the block I look in a shop window and smile at my reflection in the glass, and I say to myself "Way to go, pick up artist".

Key points:
Almost no nervousness in this one. Good positioning of myself perpendicular to them. Good voice projection, body language. Use of DHV's. I'm going to keep using the "how can I get hold of you" close. Works awesome.

Work on:
No negs. I have a hard time working these in, probably because I'm a nice guy by nature.

Coffee Shop Chick + Drive-by Bullshit

Date: July 28, 2006

Location: Coffee Shop, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


This is actually an older approach that I haven't posted yet. utahPlayboy on mASF irc told me 'hired guns do not count!'. perd on mASF irc told me that this one counts, so I don't know who to believe. I did not know that this was a carved in stone rule, so I will post this approach and not post my hired gun approaches anymore, unless I lay them or they're HB strippers.

I walk up to the counter at this coffee shop and order a large decaf. There is an HB7 metal chick with a lip piercing at the counter, looking bored out of her skull. She starts pouring the coffee into a ceramic mug. I decide to try to replicate my 7-11 chick pickup routine on her - I smile mischievously and hold EC for an unnaturally long time. She smiles at me and eventually looks down. It is working again.

me: Oh, can I get it in a paper cup?
HB7 metal chick: Yeah sure. (smiling)
me: I usually get it in a to go glass so you guys don't have to wash dishes later.
HB7: It's no big deal, we're really slow today.
me: (it's a new place, just opened) How's business been?
HB7: It's been really slow.
me: Hey those are awesome tattoos.
HB7: Aw thanks. I drew them myself.
me: Yeah they're traditional but they're still unique. So you do tattoos?
HB7: No I got them at XXX - there's this chick there name XXX that does good work.
me: What's that one. (pointing, kino)
HB7: Oh that one was messed up - there's blurring here. I'm going to get it covered up.
me: What are you going to put there?
HB7: I want to cover it up with this design - (she pulls out a sketchbook with some type of tribal sh*t)
me: You going to the same place?
HB7: No I'm going to the Tattoo Factory in Uptown.
me: That's close to me - did you see they moved?
HB7: Yeah, their new location is a lot nicer.
me: Yeah their old place looked really seedy. I was looking for tattoo shops online, and theirs had the best artwork.
HB7: Yeah check out XXX. She's really good.
HB7: What are you going to get?
me: You know that group Led Zeppelin? I'm going to get that guy with wings done with a lot of detail and color on my back, or arm maybe.
HB7: That sounds nice.

-convo continues: about how sometimes band tattoos are a bad idea, my friend who got a Pearl Jam tattoo on his calf and now regrets it, how her ex got a Sepultura tattoo on his stomach. I made her laugh a couple times. I detach, drink my coffee and surf the internet a little. I come back to the counter about an hour later and order some food.

I start talking to her about how I am going around trying out all of the coffee shops in the city with free wireless internet, and how theirs is by far the best, smoothest coffee - it's actually the truth and not a line. Then I start asking her about the vegetarian menu, and about their vegetarian breads and how they make them. She offers me samples of their pastries. I start talking about her lip piercings. I find out that she is part owner or mangager (something like that?) of the place.

I get my food and hang out for a while, surfing the internet. A half hour or so later I decide to leave and walk up to the counter again on my way out. I tell her that the food was excellent and that I thoroughly enjoyed it there. She asks my name. "Hi I'm nonchalant", we shake hands. "I'm HB7 metal chick". This is where I should have SBAP'd. She gives me an IOI: "I hope to see you back here again". I'll be back. As I'm walking out the door she calls out "byeeee" fairly loudly.

Key points:
Convo was fairly natural, hardly any nervousness. Probably due mostly to the hired gun factor and the fact we were talking about things that were dear to my heart - namely, tattoos, bands, and coffee. I am learning the value of cutting a set off at a high point, then returning to it later on to build it up even more. Good use of kino. Good body language, good DHV.

Work on:
SBAP. I did not SBAP, mainly because I'm fairly sure I have found my favorite wireless coffee shop (and my favorite coffee shop barrista), and at the time I was thinking I didn't want to mess that up. I'm kind of regretting the lack of SBAP. If I got dogged then I would have a hard time going back there, and I want to go back there again. I have been thinking about how I'm going to go back and either a) work this HB again and SBAP or b) work her again and make her my pivot so that I can take dates there and have social proof. Still I deserve to be chastised for my lack of SBAP. No negs, not very much C+F.


Date: July 2, 2006

Location: Gas Station, Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I wake up, throw on a hat, and drive down to the gas station on my way to the gym, to grab a cup of coffee and fill up the tank. When I get there, I find out that they are out of coffee and all they have is the stuff in the capuccino machines. There are 8 flavors of capuccino, I'm standing there trying to decide which one to get - I choose the one that says 'extra caffeine'. I notice that there is an HB7 blonde behind me, waiting for me to finish filling up my cup. I turn around, smile and try to get some EC.

me: hi
HB7: (smiles)

I finish filling up my cup and walk over to where the sugar is. She starts filling up her cup.

me: Hi.
(she turns around)
me: Do you have to put sugar in these?
HB7: No. They're pretty sweet.
me: Yeah. I've never gotten these before.

I was about to ask her if she's ever gotten the Horchata flavor when some dude walks up and starts talking to her. I abort.

Work on:
It was early, I looked like sh*t. I guess I could have 'engaged the group' and been like 'so how do you two know each other?' but I didn't feel like it.


Date: July 2, 2006

Location: Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I was out running, I'm walking now during my cool down phase. A little up the sidewalk an HB7 black hottie with a huge afro is walking towards me. I look like sh*t and am sweating bullets. Not my best look, but I figure maybe she is turned on by male sweat. I was wrong.

me: hi (definitely loud enough to hear, even with all the traffic going by)
HB7 black chick: (no EC, keeps walking)

Some drunk dudes in a Camaro drive by, blasting the hip hop. They shout some sh*t to me because they saw me say hi to her. I realize that they were probably shouting sh*t out the window to the HB7 when she was up the street a little bit. I hear them start to shout sh*t at her behind me. So these dudes ruined it for me.

Another brick in my castle.

Too old match.com chick, number close HB9's

It's been an interesting weekend so far. Some chick on match.com messaged me, and then started calling me all the time. She wanted to hook up last night but I was already out when I got her call. I have some more approaches to post, including some positive results finally - but I'm still writing them up. This chick is starting to call a lot though, it's a turn off - too bad because I was semi interested a couple of days ago. It seems like an easy hook up though, about an HB6/7. But she seriously might be crazy stalker material.

I just had my second # close and best set yet. Mama mia, hot hot hot girls, 2 HB9's, I want to touch my pee pee just thinking about them. I'm really close to saying - f*ck online game. It's bullshyt. Will post more FR's in a bit.

Gaming a cop, more hardcore street sarges

Date: June 30, 2006

Location: Hyde Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I tried to open a female cop. She was short and stocky, I couldn't see her face very well due to her hat and her dark glasses, but her booty was looking solid. Brunette, about a 7 from what I could tell. Pretty good for a female in her profession. I spotted her behind me in line at the gas station. I figured what the heck.

me: So you guys gonna be busy this weekend?
HBcop: (eyes me warily, like a coiled jungle cat) um, yeah.
me: You going to be working the Taste of Chicago?
HBcop: no.
me: I went last year, that was crazy.
HBcop: Yeah, I try to stay away from there.
me: There were so many people last year, it took forever to walk anywhere.
HBcop: I haven't gone there in years.
me: So you work mainly around here?
HBcop: Yeah Hyde Park mainly. Campus.
...

Set lasted 2 mins max. It's my turn to pay. She goes back into hardass mode. I pussed out and didn't try to close her or anything. Was I really going to ask a cop for her phone number? I guess I could have, but it's a little more intimidating when the target is packing a .357 magnum.

Work on:
SBAP. This wasn't a serious set, but just on principle. SBAP.


Date: June 30, 2006

Location: Ukranian Village, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I'm walking down the street looking for this wine bar where my wine class is being held. I walk past this HB8 short hair blonde girl walking her dog, this huge mean looking thing. I make some EC and smile. She says 'hi' to me first, I say hi back and it's on.

HB8 w dog: hi
me: hi
...
me: Cool dog.
HB8: Thanks.
me: What kind of dog?
HB8: Boxer pit bull mix.
me: Oh cool.
HB8: (dog pulls her around) whoa.
me: hehe strong dog.
HB8: Yeah. He's a sweet heart though.
(dog growls at me)
me: I'll take your word for it.
HB8: He's a sweetheart.
me: So where did you get it?
HB8: Oh I got it from the humane society?
me: Really - I heard that when you get dogs from the humane society sometimes they have psychological or health problems.
HB8: Yeah I heard that, but we haven't had any problems...

-really long set ensues. About 10 minutes. We talked about: dogs, pit bulls, how pit bulls and rots aren't allowed in my apartment building, how much exercise her dog requires, the difference between Ukranian Village and Wicker Park, different places in the city she's lived, restaurants in the area, all kinds of crap. I did 'body rock', and 'time constraints' for the first time ever - 'well I gotta get going soon, late for my class'. I tried to play it off like I was lost too, I don't know why I keep doing the 'excuse me do you know how to get to?' routine.

So I decide to SBAP (stop. being. a. *****.) - and try to close.

me: So, you wanna get some coffee sometime?
HB8: (smiles widely) nah, I don't even like coffee.
(as if it's even about coffee, whatever)
me: Ok. Have a good day.
HB8: bye.
me: bye.

Key points:
Convo was good, some nervous body language but I did manage to position my body so I wasn't directly facing her. Starting to get the nervousness under control.

Work on:
I thought I was getting IOI's from this one, she definitely said hi first and gave me a lot of EC and smiling. Maybe she is living with someone, who knows. I would have done the 'can I play with your dog routine' except her dog was a vicious looking pit bull who was growling at me the whole time. I didn't use a canned opener, should've. I didn't neg, I have a difficult time working negs into the conversation. No C+F. Maybe if I worked it a little more I could have got the close. Closing on the street is tough to work into the convo smoothly.


Date: July 2, 2006

Location: Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


Aborted, badly planned cold street approach. I should really get my directions straight before attempting the 'excuse me can you tell me how to get to?' routine.

I'm walking to this restaurant and a very hot and milfy HB9 artsy chick, scantily dressed in leopard print, is walking towards me. Step one foot back, put on my casual face, and open.

me: hi
HB9 milf: hi
me: Do you know this place Argo Tea?
HB9: No, never heard of it.
me: yeah I've been walking around looking for it for 20 minutes.
HB9: What street is it on?
me: It's on Armitage. Do you know how to get to Armitage?
HB9: um, we're on Armitage.
me: (looks up) well I'll be.

-I thank her and abort. I look like an idiot. Have to plan this **** out better. She didn't seem very friendly anyways.

Quote from Mastering Your Hidden Self, A Guide to the Huna Way: Study Guide

“Determination, an unswerving will, is actually the continuous, conscious directing of attention and
awareness toward a given end for a purpose. And this is accomplished by continuously renewing the
decisions or choices made to reach the given end, in spite of apparent obstacles and difficulties. A person with such a will, that is, such an ability to keep renewing a decision, does not get discouraged by mistakes, and failures. If one method used to reach his goal does not work after repeated tries, he tries another, and then another, until he finds one that does work, even if it means he has to change himself. A person with so-called ‘weak will’ is simply someone who uses the same conscious will power that everyone has to change his mind about continuing toward a goal. In other words, he just makes a different decision, a decision not to continue, while the first person makes a decision to continue”

King of my castle

Well no masturbation is pretty tough, but I'm going to try it again starting today. I'm also going to quit smoking again starting today - which is going to be difficult since I am at the bars a lot nowadays.

Really good breakdown of the Mystery Method

Really good breakdown of the Mystery Method

http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com/2005/10/mystery-method-2-approach.html

I am becoming more sane

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

-I took this test a year ago, and I scored either High or Very High in every category. Therapy seems to be working. I should be relatively well adjusted in a year or so.