Style Life Check

I'm thinking about the upcoming weekend and all the stuff we have to do for Style Life - something like 25 approaches. We have to close too. To be honest, I haven't # closed in a long time - more than a month. I've been telling myself that I'm just going to be process oriented and not results oriented, but it's hard not to be in this situation when it's either close or make a shit ton of approaches, and I really haven't been in the mood lately. I've been going out so much, I feel numb almost, emotionally drained. I don't really care about my approaches anymore except racking up numbers and making sure I get in a DHV.

I went out with Effect yesterday to do day 18 or day 19, I'm not sure - it's the 'seeding' assignment for the Style Life challenge. I got in my one approach with the seed, and seeded 2 more, one with this photographer guy who met us at Clarke's later on. Seems like a cool guy, a bit wacky. We did our early night gaming at the old reliable Wicker Park. The set I approached were thoroughly mediocre looking biatches. I did not care either way whether I succeeded with them, which is typical nowadays for me.

When we went out the other week with the lair and the lair guys were pushing me into sets, I felt like it was too much pressure. And now this pressure to close with the challenge. On top of this my inner game is still shit, I'm having a hard time getting back into it after last week. I don't know why I keep thinking about my ex, she pops into my mind at the weirdest times, and then this feeling of desolation because I know she is not the same person anymore and we couldn't go back to the way it was even if we wanted to, which I don't.

JayDog is actually getting more action than any of us - at least he has gotten to first base, although that wasn't really from an approach. He's also more in touch with his priorities than we are.

There are a few personal projects that I really should get started on, which I haven't had time to due to the Challenge. I believe in the idea of the challenge, but I really think that my problem is inner game, and a lot of fixing my inner game has nothing to do with being out in the field. On the other hand I told myself that I'd see this through. I'm pretty close to reaching my initial goal of 250 approaches a lot sooner than I had planned - I don't feel like I'm acquiring any type of mastery, I feel like I've improved greatly over how I was when I started, but I'm still not where I thought I'd be at this point in my career. Maybe this means I'm going too fast. Maybe this means I have serious inner game problems and have a longer road than most people. Maybe this means that something good is about to reveal itself to me. Rourke mentioned that he just kept plugging away at it, that his approaches just kept going nowhere and then one day he just started to click. I believe the same thing will happen for me, if I stay on this path, hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

183 approaches