The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Broke out of the pattern of the past 5(!) months of total depression and apathy about everything in
my life. Namely, I started cleaning up my apartment and began the long process of getting my life i
n order. This was number one in my prioritized list of things to do, followed closely by organizing
my finances and getting school/work together. I don't feel suffocated in here anymore. I cleaned
for four hours. I'm still not even close to having the place completely organized. I honestly have
about a week of four hour cleaning sessions before the place is completely organized. It will be w
orth it when it's done, but I'm really happy I at least took this first step after a long time of ju
st not caring but hating myself at the same time because I let everything in my life deteriorate to
such an extent. I feel like my mind is clearing. I am already getting excited about how I eventual
ly want this place to look, about having people over, having parties. I'm manifesting a new life fo
r myself.

Friday night hanging out with my shyness support group. A lot of new faces, I don't feel like I bel
ong in the group any more but I went to hang out with Jason. Afterwards, we went barhopping in Wick
er Park, making half ass attempts at meeting women. It was a really enjoyable night. I'd like to h
ave more of those types of nights in my life, good friends are hard to find. There were so many bea
utiful women out on the town too, it really inspired me. One of these days those women will be part
ying with me in my cool apartment and I won't have all this inner turmoil.