I bomb at this one bar, my confidence goes down the toilet
We get to our destination bar. The place is jam packed, tons of dudes - about 60/40. Some smoking hot babes, though - I absolutely love Wicker Park girls. My wing automatically starts into a set - he gets in 4 sets within an hour, some of them large mixed groups. He gets shot down hard by that mixed set that called him 'creepy' when he tried to run the 'core values' test on them, but he disses them and goes on to open even more sets. One girl is being really friendly to him, clinking glasses and such, but he detaches for some reason. Another girl is giving him lots of convo - but she turns out to have a boyfriend - we wind up sitting with the boyfriend and his friend, making convo with them.
I'm frozen, I can't approach. I try to dance with this HB7 black chick, but I must have appeared too sullen or nervous, she wasn't having it. There was one redhead HB that was giving me major EC, but I lose my nerve and don't approach, and another brunette HB at the bar that was giving me major EC, but again I freeze. I did not obey the 3 second rule. I forgot: if you are not having a good time then you are putting way too much thought into the outcome of an approach and not in the MOMENT. I have been thinking about why I froze:
-the first time out on the bar scene really. The last time I went to the bars I did not go there for the purpose of approaching, just to observe as I did in my AFC days. Tonight I went there to approach, but when it came time to approach, I got intimidated by all the dudes and the crowd and the volume level. I'm hoping this bar intimidation factor will eventually go away with more experience.
-some drunk ******* trying to **** with me and my friend.
-I think I felt insecure/intimidated that my wing could open up so many sets - and *real* sets where he is actually face to face for 10 mins+, not my usual 'hi how you doing, great place, whatcha drinking, what's your name, can I have your number?' bullsh*t. He was actually doing a good job of building rapport, and applying theory. It was like I was transported back to my days in school as a socially awkward adolescent. I was not in the moment, I overthought everything, put too much pressure on myself and let that drag my mood down, did not try to elevate my energy level, after a while I just didn't even try. I felt insecure around someone who was obviously more of a PUA than I was. I also felt like I was letting him down by being a sh*tty wing. My mind was a mess, and I couldn't recover. After a couple of hours of this, my confidence is in the toilet, my wing has not closed anything, and we decide to leave.
Date: June 17, 2006
Location: Second bar, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL
Players: me + wing
We move to bar number 2, it is much later - the place closes in an hour or so. The place is less crowded, which is good. We're situated on a bunch of sofas, our feet propped up on ottomans. A mixed set of 2 HB8's - brunette with big butt and blonde with tattoo - and 3 dudes sits down at the couches close to us.
This set is problematic to me. I woke up today still thinking about it. I feel like this had potential to be a good set but it wound up being a disaster. I feel like my wing, in his semi drunken state, ruined a potentially good set for me and violated some basic rules of wingmanship:
-your wing is the coolest most interesting guy in the room
-social proof your wing
-do not break in when he is in rapport phase
-he had been 'coaching' me, giving me tips all night - but he *kept* coaching me, and very loudly, *while I was in the middle of the set* which made me even more nervous and ruined the set for me in the end.
This was a long set, and frankly, I don't want to go into detailing the entire conversation. The summary is:
The blonde HB8 sits down, she looks over at me and I can tell that I am getting some good EC from her. She says something about the ottoman where I am resting my feet. She opened me up.
I make convo, I ask her her name, where she's from, if she had a good time that night, what bars she went to, when the bars close, if she knows one that's open late, I ask her how her group knows each other (friends from HS with the guys, friends from college with the girl and the other guy), where she's from yadda yadda. My friend says (very loudly) 'she can't hear you, go sit next to her', which I do, but that was bad to be coached like that very loudly.
I move in closer to her and break into my 'cold girlfriend' routine:
'Hey I need your opinion - my buddy just texted me (shows her text message 'she's still not answering') - he told his gf last night that he loved her, now she's won't speak to him. He's called her 20 times already but she won't answer her phone - what is going on? etc.'
This gets a very good response, lots of convo at this point about relationships. This opener is golden, I'm going to keep using it. There's a lull in the convo, my wing leans in and says - again very loudly - to give her the 'cube'. People hear this, it makes me look bad to be so obviously 'coached'. He *cuts into my set* and starts giving her the cube!
I go to the bathroom. When I get back he is sitting where I was, giving her the 'cube'! I'm looking like a shmuck at this point, and sitting there totally cut off, twiddling my thumbs. I don't know why he did this, he must have been semi drunk, only thinking about approaching as many people as much as possible. All I know is - if my wing was in the middle of rapport, then ejects - I wouldn't sit in his place and bust into the 'cube'. He just c*ck blocked me, I don't think he even realized it.
Well, the girl is bored with the cube and cuts him off. She starts talking to the other people in her group. My friend is left sitting there. Then this peacocking guy in a red shirt who obviously knows her from before approaches the group and she is all over him - must have had something going with this guy from before. At this point, me and my wing are both cut off from her. We get up and leave.
Again, I'm still conflicted by this set - but I didn't say anything to him about it. He already admitted he doesn't know the 'basic rules of wingmanship' as I asked him earlier if he's read about it. He also wasn't using common sense.
A learning experience night. I'm not angry with him for cutting in because, frankly, I had run out of stuff to say - mental note to build up some material for the next time I have to 'stack routines'.
Positives:
This chick opened me up, she liked me, I could just tell. I got some kino and some really good EC from her. I don't know why my wing thought he should move in, other than I was struggling with the conversation, but at that point he should have social proofed me and not cut into my set.
Negatives:
Chalk this one up to experience. I don't think either of us was going to hook with this chick after the peacock guy appeared out of nowhere.
Mixed feelings about going out with this wing. It was an opportunity to watch someone better than me in action I guess - which was a semi intimidating experience. But that's how you learn - by breaking out of your comfort zone. And now I'm more determined now than ever to master the bar game.
We get to our destination bar. The place is jam packed, tons of dudes - about 60/40. Some smoking hot babes, though - I absolutely love Wicker Park girls. My wing automatically starts into a set - he gets in 4 sets within an hour, some of them large mixed groups. He gets shot down hard by that mixed set that called him 'creepy' when he tried to run the 'core values' test on them, but he disses them and goes on to open even more sets. One girl is being really friendly to him, clinking glasses and such, but he detaches for some reason. Another girl is giving him lots of convo - but she turns out to have a boyfriend - we wind up sitting with the boyfriend and his friend, making convo with them.
I'm frozen, I can't approach. I try to dance with this HB7 black chick, but I must have appeared too sullen or nervous, she wasn't having it. There was one redhead HB that was giving me major EC, but I lose my nerve and don't approach, and another brunette HB at the bar that was giving me major EC, but again I freeze. I did not obey the 3 second rule. I forgot: if you are not having a good time then you are putting way too much thought into the outcome of an approach and not in the MOMENT. I have been thinking about why I froze:
-the first time out on the bar scene really. The last time I went to the bars I did not go there for the purpose of approaching, just to observe as I did in my AFC days. Tonight I went there to approach, but when it came time to approach, I got intimidated by all the dudes and the crowd and the volume level. I'm hoping this bar intimidation factor will eventually go away with more experience.
-some drunk ******* trying to **** with me and my friend.
-I think I felt insecure/intimidated that my wing could open up so many sets - and *real* sets where he is actually face to face for 10 mins+, not my usual 'hi how you doing, great place, whatcha drinking, what's your name, can I have your number?' bullsh*t. He was actually doing a good job of building rapport, and applying theory. It was like I was transported back to my days in school as a socially awkward adolescent. I was not in the moment, I overthought everything, put too much pressure on myself and let that drag my mood down, did not try to elevate my energy level, after a while I just didn't even try. I felt insecure around someone who was obviously more of a PUA than I was. I also felt like I was letting him down by being a sh*tty wing. My mind was a mess, and I couldn't recover. After a couple of hours of this, my confidence is in the toilet, my wing has not closed anything, and we decide to leave.
Date: June 17, 2006
Location: Second bar, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL
Players: me + wing
We move to bar number 2, it is much later - the place closes in an hour or so. The place is less crowded, which is good. We're situated on a bunch of sofas, our feet propped up on ottomans. A mixed set of 2 HB8's - brunette with big butt and blonde with tattoo - and 3 dudes sits down at the couches close to us.
This set is problematic to me. I woke up today still thinking about it. I feel like this had potential to be a good set but it wound up being a disaster. I feel like my wing, in his semi drunken state, ruined a potentially good set for me and violated some basic rules of wingmanship:
-your wing is the coolest most interesting guy in the room
-social proof your wing
-do not break in when he is in rapport phase
-he had been 'coaching' me, giving me tips all night - but he *kept* coaching me, and very loudly, *while I was in the middle of the set* which made me even more nervous and ruined the set for me in the end.
This was a long set, and frankly, I don't want to go into detailing the entire conversation. The summary is:
The blonde HB8 sits down, she looks over at me and I can tell that I am getting some good EC from her. She says something about the ottoman where I am resting my feet. She opened me up.
I make convo, I ask her her name, where she's from, if she had a good time that night, what bars she went to, when the bars close, if she knows one that's open late, I ask her how her group knows each other (friends from HS with the guys, friends from college with the girl and the other guy), where she's from yadda yadda. My friend says (very loudly) 'she can't hear you, go sit next to her', which I do, but that was bad to be coached like that very loudly.
I move in closer to her and break into my 'cold girlfriend' routine:
'Hey I need your opinion - my buddy just texted me (shows her text message 'she's still not answering') - he told his gf last night that he loved her, now she's won't speak to him. He's called her 20 times already but she won't answer her phone - what is going on? etc.'
This gets a very good response, lots of convo at this point about relationships. This opener is golden, I'm going to keep using it. There's a lull in the convo, my wing leans in and says - again very loudly - to give her the 'cube'. People hear this, it makes me look bad to be so obviously 'coached'. He *cuts into my set* and starts giving her the cube!
I go to the bathroom. When I get back he is sitting where I was, giving her the 'cube'! I'm looking like a shmuck at this point, and sitting there totally cut off, twiddling my thumbs. I don't know why he did this, he must have been semi drunk, only thinking about approaching as many people as much as possible. All I know is - if my wing was in the middle of rapport, then ejects - I wouldn't sit in his place and bust into the 'cube'. He just c*ck blocked me, I don't think he even realized it.
Well, the girl is bored with the cube and cuts him off. She starts talking to the other people in her group. My friend is left sitting there. Then this peacocking guy in a red shirt who obviously knows her from before approaches the group and she is all over him - must have had something going with this guy from before. At this point, me and my wing are both cut off from her. We get up and leave.
Again, I'm still conflicted by this set - but I didn't say anything to him about it. He already admitted he doesn't know the 'basic rules of wingmanship' as I asked him earlier if he's read about it. He also wasn't using common sense.
A learning experience night. I'm not angry with him for cutting in because, frankly, I had run out of stuff to say - mental note to build up some material for the next time I have to 'stack routines'.
Positives:
This chick opened me up, she liked me, I could just tell. I got some kino and some really good EC from her. I don't know why my wing thought he should move in, other than I was struggling with the conversation, but at that point he should have social proofed me and not cut into my set.
Negatives:
Chalk this one up to experience. I don't think either of us was going to hook with this chick after the peacock guy appeared out of nowhere.
Mixed feelings about going out with this wing. It was an opportunity to watch someone better than me in action I guess - which was a semi intimidating experience. But that's how you learn - by breaking out of your comfort zone. And now I'm more determined now than ever to master the bar game.
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