A man, extremely lazy, exhumes the cooked pigeon, his words indignant because it was cooked wrong

Brain extremely fuzzy, difficult to concentrate. The only immediately goal I'm going to give myself is the completion of this blog entry in my frenzied state. Playing Two Librans as I type this in my hotel room at the Hyatt Santa Clara. I have not seen warm spring weather in what seems like ages - the last time I noticed it was warm enough for children to go swimming in the pool my baby was not even born. That was another lifetime ago. My legs are weary as I ran six miles last night, I'll run another 4 miles today and it will be an adventure to fun outside in the spring weather in a city that is unfamiliar to me. Have been noticing that I look slim in clothes, even though I feel fat sometimes when I contemplate my naked body.

I cooked dinner for my mother in law and wife, and fed N. a vanilla cupcake for her six month birthday while K. and her mom took pictures. Something about the new brand of baby wipes gave her a rash and we had to bathe her in the sink. N.'s personality is developing - she is funny, teasing, jokey, energetic and very curious. Many people comment on her beauty. She seems beautiful to me but I'd feel the same regardless if it were true. I take some pride in it regardless. I write to pass the time, and I notice the Tracey Jordan Google video link is my most popular blog post. I write to entertain myself and to entertain my future self who may one day read these words and take satisfaction that I bothered to write down certain things that might otherwise be forgotten.

I fall asleep immediately, and am assaulted by vivid dreams that feel like episodes of deja vu. I think I am dreaming the same episodes repeatedly but I forget most of my dreams upon waking. I am having vivid sex dreams involving nature and especially bodies of water. I dreamt of sitting at my desk, working on a particular project at work many months before actually experiencing it. I dreamt that I had an almost preternatural skill at playing the piano - it was as if anything my hands did on the keyboard produced perfectly formed musical ideas - this is of course not the case in real life, but my wife interprets this to mean that I am in control. This is of course not the case in real life - BUT I'M GETTING CLOSE. One thing I thank God for is the gift of music, and the audacious idea he planted in my head years ago to stick with it despite the apparent futility of learning another instrument and getting involved in music again. The other day I attempted to play a piece of music that seemed almost impossible for me to play a couple of years ago and I realized that it was easy for me to play, and I thought that I must be good if this piece was easy for me, and I thought that I am at least as good if not better than people making music that gets played on the radio. I take great pride in my guitar skills, it's a great source of joy for me and I think my wife also enjoys it.

I am always tired due to the constant training, and yet I am still unsatisfied with my body, I wonder if this is the human condition. I wake up early almost instinctively and pack for my 8 day trip to the developer conference in San Francisco - actually Santa Clara, San Jose airport, and Silicon Valley. I pack, drink coffee, and K. drives me to O'Hare and gives me a kiss and waves to me as I check my bags at curbside checkin and board an American Airlines jet bound for California. On the 4 hour plane ride I drink 2 glasses of red wine, read two Newsweek magazines in their entirety and half of a novel. I watch the snowcapped mountains and verdant green suburban expanse of Northern California unfolds beneath the plane as we make our descent. I walk through the San Jose airport, which is indistinguishable from the airports I passed through on my last 3 business trips. I take a cab to the hotel, check in, and drink some more at the hotel bar, call my wife, then go back to my room and take a short nap. I awake to the sight of the industrial office park wasteland that is Santa Clara outside my window. Yahoo, Google, Apple, Cisco, Nortel, Citrix, Brocade are all here. I'm about to throw on some shorts and go jogging, but I'll check in later. I know I'm going to miss my family but they will meet me here eventually.