Live blogging the Oscars!

I dunno how long I'm going to last, but here goes...

I love how Hugh Jackman is like this manly man with hair on his back, but he's also big into musical theater.

The guy who plays Nixon looks older than dirt, him and Peter Gabriel look about the same age.

That was actually a great opening number. Jackman's really funny, I'm glad it's not, like Whoopi this year.

Haha Mickey Rourke looking fly! I have a feeling tonight's all about Rourke.

Tilda's dress is not so good.

I have this irrational antipathy for Penelope Cruz, mainly based on her goddamn accent.

Amy Smart is a way hotter Pam from the office.

Argh she won! The accent is like nails on a blackboard for me. I would totally do her though.

The only guys with huge sculpted physiques like Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhall that you see in real life are either gay guys or roidhead personal trainers (or both). Totally not believable in 'everyday guy' romcom roles.

Tina Fey sporting the asymmetrical halfway up do. She's hotter with glasses. Steve Martin is the man, everyone should recognize the genius of Bowfinger and the Pink Panther.

The best screenplay winner gave a really touching speech.

Aniston looking older, but still way hotter than Jolie.

Love the girl from Mama Mia, hate hate hate the guy from Twlight.

Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist was insufferable.

Ben Stiller as Joaquin - awesome. Portman looking HOT.

Seth Rogan will finally lose the weight, and all the girls who say that he'd be cute if he lost weight will admit he looked better as a chub. Kind of like Ben Gibbard. And me.

I'm actually enjoying these musical numbers. Jackman is multi faceted. Beyonce's all about huge thighs.

N's idol Vanessa Hudgens is on with Zaquisha.

Fucking Rourke. That guy would be shirtless if they'd let him.

Whoa Walken. That's a crazy looking guy.

Fuck this documentary guy with the magic tricks and the scarf.

I just realized that Indiana Jones is totally getting shut out, deservedly so.

Hoping M.I.A. wins this, she's not here anyways. Well, she lost.

Reese looks really ordinary. Compared to Portman and Biel, she looks like any girl you'd see in the grocery store. I'd still do her.

Marion Cotillard bringing sexy back as usual.

Good god Sophia Loren looks like a leather handbag. I'd still do her.

I'm glad Kate Winslet won an Oscar, I like her. She looks old, a lot older than I expected. Still hot, hotter than Angelina. Why is she out of breath?

Noone will top Marion Cotillard's acceptance speech from last year. 'You rocked my life!'

Michael Douglas looks pretty good for an old as hell guy.

Man I'm really hoping Rourke wins this. Look at that huge pinky ring and the hand tattoo. And the gold tooth. And the sunglasses inside.

Wtf does that mean 'elect and elegant man president'?

Going to bed. I don't even care what wins Best Picture.