Another lifetime

I worry a lot about my career. Sometimes I think I'm doing ok, sometimes I feel like I'm getting nowhere at my current job. The truth is - I work basically 40 hours at my job, no more, no less, every week. If there are outstanding things to be done they generally have to wait til the next business day. I honestly don't know how I'm regarded by my bosses - I feel like I've gotten a lot of stuff done over the past year but I'm not the 'go to' guy on my team. I feel like I want to take on more responsibility and keep growing in terms of my technical knowledge. But the reality of the situation is that I don't work enough to stay competitive with people - my peers, and my competition in the job market - who really take their careers seriously.

I started from behind, I had a solid 3-4 years, maybe 5, where I was extremely motivated and made some huge strides in my career and education. Then there was a period of about 2 years where I was just treading water in terms of my job. The past year I feel like I've been trying really hard, at least when I am at work, but haven't really put in that extra 10-20 hours a week that distinguishes the superstars from the average workers. I have a performance review coming up at work in a couple weeks, we'll see what kind of feedback I get from my bosses.

I've also historically been lousy with money. In the past 2 months I've did a lot of organization with my money situation, in order to achieve the type of financial goals me and my wife talk about I will have to not only stay on top of my money situation, but master my money situation to the point where it is self perpetuating.

Billy Corgan told himself that - from the ages of 20 to 40 - he would work as hard as he could and see where that gets him, he's almost 40 now and look at what he's done.

I've decided today that, from my age right now to when my daughter turns 18 - I'm going to work as hard as I can - that means putting in an extra hour or two a day at work or on work related research, or on my home business, or managing my finances. We'll see where that gets me.

I'd really like to look back on this blog entry in 18 years and say to myself, 'that's when I really started to take my career and financial situation to the next level'. I tell myself that I'm doing it for Nina and K. - my wife and child. What else is there in this world to motivate me? Am I just going to go the rest of my life without ever really trying to be the man I've always wanted to be?