By the pain I see in others

We debated for a while about whether it was alright to tell my parents about our engagement with my dad sick in the hospital and everything being so crazy. In the end we chose to tell them and it was the right decision. I think it made everybody happy, and gave everyone something nice to focus on for a change. The first thing my dad said was 'I want grandkids', and he made us promise that we name his first grandson 'Jerome'. My mom was delighted as well, clearly she loves weddings, especially those of her sons.

We went out to eat at Elephant and Castle the night we told my parents, I kept holding K.'s hand to look at her ring. My brothers are my best men. They've been talking about taking me to Thailand for my bachelor party, which is cool as hell, except I'm not too crazy about Thai women. I mean they're ok but Vegas sounds better.

Right now K. and her mom are obsessing over where to hold the reception, where the ceremony's gonna be, what the date will be. Of course I'm shutting down like a turtle in his shell, I don't want to think about anything right now - wedding plans, Christmas shopping, New Years Eve, my financial situation, my car's electrical system breaking down - I don't want to deal with any of that until we find out what's going on with my dad. He is in really bad shape. L. calls me from the hospital daily with reports of his pacemaker going off in the middle of the night. They have to fix him asap. I worry about him constantly, but I choose to spend my days at work instead of taking 2 weeks of vacation to spend at the hospital with him like my brothers did - I feel guilty but this is better for me, I can focus on something else for 8 hours a day so I don't go crazy thinking about it.

The good news is he's passed all his tests necessary to get a transplant except teeth and eyes, which seem like formalities. And he is type AB, so he is a 'universal recipient'. The bad news is his heart is really weak and he needs a new heart asap. It's been kind of a crazy time, I'm extremely happy with K., but there's this thing with my dad that is always at the back of my mind.

I've been playing K. a lot of Christmas songs on guitar. Her favorites are 'O Holy Night' and 'All I Want for Christmas Is You' - she also makes me do this Rascal Flatts Christmas song. Work is going really well - they're moving me to a better office which is cool I guess. I've really been throwing myself into it, which I should've been doing all along.

Tonight I'm going to the hospital to give my mom her birthday gift. It looks like my dad will be spending the holidays at the hospital. I may have to cancel or cut short my trip to Michigan to visit K.'s folks. I still have a few presents to buy too.