Trouble

I have not posted in a while. I got in a bit of legal trouble, I won't go into it. Effect was there, it was pretty horrible. I've been kind of dealing with the emotional fallout, my relationships, lack of cashflow, etc. on top of all these emergencies at work and a really bad case of seasonal depression. I won't lie to you, my state is absolutely horrible right now. I'm a complete mess, it's not the worst I've ever been but it's pretty bad. I'm trying to meditate more lately, I need to find a way to stop myself from being so negative and pessimistic. I've been so depressed lately that I stopped trying for a while.

We went out a couple of nights in the past few weeks, for the most part I've been hiding in my apartment. I had a few approaches, a couple were actually not bad - but I ejected because of my chaotic state. One night I had 3 drinks and I started puking everywhere. I don't know if that was something I ate or if it was psychosomatic. I'm better now - I miss my friends and I want to go out in the field again.

John keeps pushing the idea of prescription meds, maybe I should listen to him. I'm still being a little bit stubborn about trying them because I'm scared of the side effects.

There have been a few positive developments: I have quit smoking again. It will be hard when I get back in the field but I'm going to try to keep it up. One bad side effect of this is that I've been eating a lot, it's been cold and I've been really down so I haven't been exercising as much as I should. I've been meditating more. Work is generally getting better, I had a few emergencies the past couple weeks that freaked me out but I'm done with those. I took out a personal ad and a few girls responded. I am still talking to a couple of them on the phone and email - they are both cute. One wants to hang out tomorrow or Saturday. I have also been playing a ton of guitar, and I've started another blog, this one about music.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I am thankful to have come in contact with you guys, I've learned a lot about life in the past year - I still have a way to go, but I'm glad that I've made some good friends at least.

242 approaches,