You know it's yours and noone else

So this is my life. I usually wake up around 5 o'clock. About half the time N. cries at night and crawls in bed with us - sleeping with that baby is very difficult, because she tosses and turns a lot, and she likes to pull on my ears while she sleeps for some reason. Lately I have been making it a point to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep at night, I just can't function on less than 5 hours of sleep, it's not healthy, it ages you, and I am too groggy and irritable to be effective at my job. Around 5-5:15am the alarm on my phone starts to go off, and I hit snooze a couple of times. I then go upstairs to my bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work - I usually play news on the radio as I get ready in the morning.

We have been living at this house for almost month and we have not finished unpacking. I still feel like we're living out of boxes. Some of the rooms are partially set up - but I feel like we need to leave the kids at my mom's house or something for a weekend while K. and I finish unpacking once and for all because I can't live like this and also, just doing unpacking for a half hour a night is not cutting it. So it's around 5:30 - K. usually gets up at this time, and after my shower I usually change J. and give him his bottle while I put my clothes on and shave. Sometimes I have enough time in the morning to take the garbage out, or get N. ready if she wakes up, or take stuff out to the car so K. doesn't have to carry multiple bags plus two kids to the car. At 6:20 I'm usually out the door, K. will have to finish getting the kids ready and take them to daycare on the way to her work. Her schedule in the morning is just as tough as mine, if not more.

I kiss my wife and walk to the train station, which is only a block away from our new house. I take a train and a bus to my corporate job in the suburbs - my commute is very long, an hour and a half. It takes just as long coming home - we can drink on the train and sometimes after a long day I grab a beer from the liquor store and drink on the way home. I've been working this job for about a month and a half. When I first started I liked the commute - I could study for my certifications while in transit, also taking the train with the other corporate drones made me feel good for some reason. I still feel that way sometimes. I'm doing really good at this job, I've been given a team lead type position, and I have several people to manage now. Noone in the group I've started has risen so quickly. I am definitely working hard though. I work on average 60+ hours a week - and when I'm at work I'm unable to take any time for myself, I usually skip lunch and don't really have time to answer personal emails or calls. It's just constant work, a constantly growing set of responsibilities. I feel like I can't say no to things that are asked of me, because certain higher up people here have put a lot of faith in me and it's just in my nature to not want to let them down. So I try as hard as I can to do a good job.

There is also a dark side. Why is it that every job eventually devolves into internal political struggles, jockeying for interesting projects, leadership positions, status within the team? I feel like that is the main motivating factor at work, even more than money, at least on a day to day basis. I'm as guilty of succumbing to this as the next guy. It's interesting that I still fall into this trap here at a consulting position. I get so tense with all the work. I don't want to be the tense type A guy at work - so I feel like I have to struggle against this phenomenon all the time. So I have to put this front on that I'm nice easy going relaxed guy. Is this normal? At work whenever I have a spare moment I look at pictures of my wife and kids on my cell phone. I remind myself that I put up with all the stress of work because of love for my family.

I could go on and on about work, maybe I will later. After work I come home taking the reverse route. I usually get home 6-6:30. There's really only enough time at night to help fix dinner, do some chores around the house, play with N. and J., give them their baths, clean up after dinner - then read N. some books before tucking her in for the night. It's usually 9 o'clock or later by the time this stuff is done. At this time I'm really tired, and I lay down with K. and we usually talk to each other, or watch something like the Daily Show on Hulu before falling asleep around 10-11. There's no time to work out anymore, or play guitar. I have to start training for the marathon next month, I'm not ready. Also my clothes don't fit well because of my crappy diet and lack of exercise. I haven't played guitar in like 3 months or more. And I promised N. that I would play some complex classical pieces at her wedding. I don't know how I'm going to do it - the wedding is in 3 months.