Happy New Year PUAs!

I'd like to send a shout out to my playaz all over the world. We'll be keeping it real in 2007, G.

I was wrong about HBRussianGirl

I was wrong about HBRussianGirl. It was not over that night, I just thought it was. What happened was that I didn't call her for a week and then she started calling me and emailing me and such. Then we started dating again, it has been more than a month and we spent Christmas and New Year's Eve together.

And that is how I found myself waking up on New Year's Day with a hot naked blonde chick in bed with me. I will elaborate more on this girl - I don't have time right now.

250 Approaches - and your boy closes again

I set a six month goal of hitting my first 250 approaches sometime in July. I have not been going out as much the past couple of months - I've been trying to work on my career and finances more, get back in touch with my hobbies of programming and music and whatnot. So I was at 242 approaches for a month or two. Two weeks before Christmas, I went to a holiday party at this club called Trace with JCB, and I got 8 approaches in that night. My last approach was a number close - some redhead chick whom I went out for coffee with a week later and decided I didn't like. And that ends the saga of my first 250 approaches. Looking back, it has been a life changing endeavour. I have had some great times with friends, faced some difficult personal issues that I have been avoiding for a long time, learned a lot about myself. I like myself a lot more now, and am a lot more confident. I've also met some great women and had my way with them. I started this blog as a way of documenting my first 250 approaches, now that that's over with I've decided to continue it. More on that later...

250 approaches

Quote

This strikes me as very true.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
- James Baldwin

Another one bites the dust

I spent a weekend hanging out with HBRussianGirl and suffice it to say, I think this relationship, whatever it was, is kaput. I don't really want to comment on it other than to say I probably need to read up on LMR and how to build up an emotional connection.

So I spent all of yesterday in a sort of bittersweet state of despondency. I played guitar all day, which was pretty fun, I talked to my mom on the phone. I've been having major breakthroughs with my relationship with my parents, I think that it may be too private to discuss in this blog right now.

Last week HBRussianGirl took one look at me and said, 'you look stressed'. I told her I was a tormented person, and I didn't want to go into all of the things that were wrong in my life. Way to make a great impression. At least I was being real. You know, women can always read you like a book. I don't know who I think I'm fooling. If you want to be that successful happy go lucky playboy, then you first need to eliminate your problems, get back on track with where you want to be going in life - and if you don't know at this late point, then you'd better figure it out buddy - and get back in touch with the things that really make you happy.

Of course the first step - eliminate all the problems that are weighing on you - is the hardest to deal with. It's hard for me to relate what my problems are in this blog, suffice to say they are mainly financial problems brought on by my former gambling problem and financial chaos brought on by my severe depression and reckless disregard for my well being.

At least I know that meditation is beneficial. It is weird, I was in a great mood all day - maybe it had something to do with the fact that I took St. John's Wort for the first time in more than a week. I could feel a jolt from the increased seratonin levels in vertebrae, or it could be my imagination.

Today started off ok, I meditated in the morning, had a semi productive day at work. I am being really productive tonight - I have to get back to balancing my checkbook and figuring out how I'm going to deal with traffic court on Wednesday morning when I don't have any personal or sick days left. It is always a huge shock whenever I force myself to look at my problems. It is so unpleasant, like pulling teeth. All of a sudden life is not so carefree and I have to face up to the ugly consequences of my inability to handle life. All of my problems are always so ridiculous. They are never the result of not being able to handle anything, or not being able to pay for something. They are always the result of neglect brought on by depression which saps my motivation to do anything when I get out of work other than fuck all. They are always the result of missing a deadline because I didn't know there was a deadline, shit like that.

I have to get back to work. The next couple of months are going to be rough for me. I have to get up early tomorrow to go to the first of my traffic court appointments. Honestly I don't care about HBRussianGirl all that much. I have way more pressing matters to attend to, survival matters. I shouldn't even have gone out in my horrible emotional state of the last couple of weeks. It was nice though, I feel a little more alive than I have been the past few weeks.

Meditation

Starting yesterday I will be meditating twice a day. Even if I only have a vague idea of what I'm doing, all the literature I've read so far says that the experience is different for everyone and that you learn as you go. So I will just begin and pick up knowledge as I go along, as I want this to be a life long pursuit like playing music.

Day 2 with HBRussianGirl

Date last weekend with the exotic HBRussianGirl. I really like this girl, she's just a really cool person all around. This was just a nice sweet date, I had a really good time - even though I was worried I didn't make that great of an impression. I basically threw out all my C+F PUA shit out the window and just acted naturally. Which is probably a bad idea - because in my case, acting naturally means acting like a depressed guy who needs to be on prescription antidepressents.

I picked her up at 7 and we hung out til around midnight. I took her to my favorite bars in Wicker Park, and this vegetarian restaurant. It was a nice night so we walked around a lot. She is funny and sweet, I feel like I can really talk to her. She's also pretty hot.

It was also pretty interesting - there's this point in all my dates when my date looks at me and says something like: 'you're pretty depressed', or 'you look so sad', or 'you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders' (that's my favorite one, some teacher chick I went out with last spring said that). I'm not exactly Mr. Happy Go Lucky jokester, not surprisingly girls pick up on this pretty quickly. This girl turned to me and said 'hey you look stressed' - then she wanted to know what my problems were. My problems are so vague and nebulous - like how am I going to describe to her in a few seconds my long and convoluted relationship with my parents, or my recent troubles with the law? I just can't. I thought it was cool that this girl actually didn't hold it against me, and tried to be cheerful for both of us, and tried to relate to me even though I wasn't exactly Mr. Good Time party guy.

All I got was a kiss. But I called her up again today and told her I wanted to make her dinner at my place this weekend. She seemed excited about it, and told me she would bring cookies. So this weekend I will have this girl in my Seduction Location. Now I have to learn how to cook...HBRussianGirl