and the next thing you know you gotta hear it from your brother and the words they sting like a stump of old wasps

Working from home, have to look after N. I have a difficult time getting stuff done on my work from home days as N. is very demanding, I have to check email and do my work as I bounce her on my lap, feed her, change her diapers, entertain her. She's already pooped and threw up on me. So far I've been working for about two hours and I've only managed to check my email. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get stuff done as working from home is a really nice perk that I don't want to lose. N. usually goes to bed around 11-12 and I work the rest of the day til her mom gets home. I also discovered a new trick where I work on the laptop while laying around on the floor with her, playing with her stuffed animals. Seems to work ok for now, at least. I've been having a great week at work, did really well at some meetings early on in the week, boss is pleased. I'm kind of stuck on a problem right now, I hate it when that happens, which is frequently in my line of work. The trick is how resourceful you can be to solve them as quickly as possible.

K. got a fellowship at Yale this summer, full stipend and living expenses and everything - I'm planning to take some vacation and stay with her in Connecticut. It actually sounds fairly boring, although I've never been to Yale. We're both looking forward to Valentines Day and our trip to San Francisco in March. We reserved a table at the Melting Pot, which is a fondue restaurant downtown (K's idea). We should really book the hotel and flights today. What else - I fed N. chocolate sorbet last night, her mom was not pleased. Have been taking this real estate class on Tuesday nights, I've decided to get a real estate license. I want to be in a position where I can make an informed decision about buying investment properties. I think the state requires you take a series of tests, have to research this later after this class is over.

Working out is going badly. Still have not lost the extra 8 lb I gained over the holidays. I've been working out but every once in a while I do little 'cheat' workouts where I run in place at home for a half hour instead of runnning 3 miles outside in the 0 degree weather. This week I pledged to get more hardcore about it. I've been waking up at 5 in the morning to get to the gym, and the past couple of days I've started to get really hardcore about the diet. No more coming in at right around my daily caloric limit - I have to be well below my limit in order to see any meaningful weight loss. Starting to feel hungry and tired all the time, which is a good sign the weight's starting to come off again. The good thing is, I sleep like a baby and I don't stay up all night reading online message boards about hipsters.

Still without my damn laptop - hopefully it will come back in the mail in good shape today or tomorrow. It's difficult to use my desktop linux machine as the desk is uncomfortable. Some new developments with N. - she's getting really good at 'crawling' (well, not really crawling but sort of squirming and dragging herself around the room), she can get in the 'push up position', which is hilarious, her vocabulary is still mainly vowel sounds but she is getting very expressive and chatty. Tonight I have to go to the grocery store, I may bring N., then go to the gym, then our usual Thursday night tv lineup. Trying to keep the tv viewing down to a minimum, except for news - but K. and I have several 'regular' shows now - Lost, BSG, 30 Rock, Kath and Kim. We watch some reality shows whenever they're on but we don't schedule our time around them. This frikking sweater I bought last month seemns tight - I really have to get hardcore with the diet and exercise. I just remembered - not only do I have a 10k race in March, I also have a Junior High 25 year freaking reunion in June. Have to look good for that.

Animal Collective - My Girls

I didn't think I'd like this album as much as I do. I can understand how sort of hippyish people dig these guys. Even K. sort of likes them, or is at least tolerant of them.

How's this for some meaningful lyrics (who knew there were even lyrics to this music)?

Is it much to admit I need
A solid soul and the blood I bleed
With a little girl, and by my spouse
I only want a proper house

I don't care for fancy things
Or to take part in a precious race
And children cry for the one who has
A real big heart and a father's grace

I don't mean to seem like I care about material things like a social status
I just want four walls and adobe slabs for my girls


Animal Collective - My Girls

I find myself searching for old selves, while speeding forward through the plate glass of maturing cells

My mac died last weekend, I've been doing everything on my linux desktop machines, I had a little bit of adjustment to make at work. I should get it back sometime this week, probably in a couple of days. Apple says it's the power supply or logic board. I guess it was inevitable that that thing bit the dust, I certainly use it every minute of the damn day. It's actually nice to not be so tied to my 'security blanket'. I read two books this week, and spent more time playing with my daughter.

Work is sending me to San Jose, CA for a seminar on mobile programming. I'm pretty excited. For K's Valentine's Day/anniversary present, we're buying plan tickets so that K. and N. can fly down to meet me and we can spend a few days in San Francisco. Mom and dad are supposed to be going to the Philippines around that time for three weeks, I may have to work from home a couple weeks until they get back, if my boss will let me. Things seem to be going pretty well in general at work, I can't complain. The office is pretty laid back these days, I guess everyone's anticipating the move to the new building. I feel positive, I've been doing a lot of reading outside of work so I really feel 'in the groove'.

Was thinking of how my friend Paddock, when he wants to express friendship or affection, starts suggesting all the movies and albums he's been getting into. I really like that in a person. It's still unbearably cold, me and the family stayed inside all weekend - I was the only one to venture out for the past three days, to go to the gym and buy groceries. I cooked my wife some pretty nice meals - steak stir fry, chili lime tilapia, mashed potatoes, some good wine. For dessert pistacchio fat free pudding and fat free cool whip. We download movies off my friend's server and watch them in bed, eat, lay on the sofa, read books, pass the baby back and forth, videotape the baby and take pictures of her. K. wants to take a good picture so we can enter it into a baby contest of some sort - or is it just for submission in her hometown paper? I forget. I play guitar for them, they don't seem to mind. I'm actually really happy with my playing lately. We have plans to record some acoustic stuff with K. singing. Have to go, have to pull something out of the oven. God bless this world, I've been doing a lot of meditating and praying. Really determined now that I'm married with a kid, that from now on I live a good life.

Book a week 2009 - 4/52

I'm really going to focus on tech books this year. I'd really like to get better at Ruby and Objective C. This week's book is Programming Ruby: The Pragmatic Programmers' Guide - I sort of skimmed this one last year but I want to re-read or re-skim it again.

Bon Iver - Re: Stacks

Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago has been the big album of the past week or so, meaning my wife likes it as much as I do so we can both listen to it in the car. We listened to this all the way to Midway for J's party with K. and J.. I can't make out the lyrics very much, but they sound like a guy who's trying to reassure or comfort himself. Here's my favorite wintry desolate song on the album, Re: Stacks.



Bon Iver - Re: Stacks

Book a week 2009 - 3/52

I'm reading The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't , I started this last year but now I'm going to finish it. Fwiw, it's got some good information about why assholes in your organization are bad, but not a whole lot about dealing with assholes - except for quitting. Maybe I'm not far enough into the book, but it seems mainly for managers.

Succeed in Life as a Late Bloomer - wikiHow

How to Succeed in Life as a Late Bloomer

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Not all of us are quick off the mark and succeed early in life. Some of us are like slow-boiling pots, who need time to gather wisdom and make sense of the world around us. But watch out when a later bloomer finally gets it - late bloomers are often the driving forces in the world because they have spent a long time digesting ideas, information and knowledge just to come up with some amazing solutions to the world's problems.

Steps

1. Determine if you are a late bloomer. There are many ways in which your blooming could be delayed:
   
   • Educational late bloomer. This could mean that your grades at school were so-so until the end of your school years, when suddenly you blossom and outstrip all the clever kids in one set of exams.
     
   • Career late bloomer. It could also be that you have spent the first 15 - 20 years of your adult life wondering what career you want. Then you suddenly fall into it and do brilliantly.
     
   • Social late bloomer. When everyone else was racking up their firsts, the idea of making new friends and dating was foreign--perhaps terrifying to you. That is, until one day, you realize that talking to people isn't nearly as scary as it seems, and your social circle unfolds.
     
   
   
2. Don't fret if you are a late bloomer. It means you are a deep thinker and you are connected to the world in a way that is different from the "rush-rush, achieve-now" crowd. When your clever, fast colleagues are suffering from burn-out, you are just on the rise and are ready to take over the helm. People tend to make poor decisions when they're in a hurry to keep up with everyone else's timeline; be glad that you were spared that and, as a result, can make better decisions and fewer mistakes.
   
3. Know your strong points. These include reflection, consideration and patience. Use these to build up your self-confidence and to tide yourself through life's low points when you feel that you are swimming against the tide.
   
4. Keep an "Ideas Book" handy - perhaps next to your bed or in your bag. Whenever ideas strike you (and late bloomers have many ideas), write them down. You may be wading in indecisiveness at the time but that idea has significance and may be very useful later on when you come back to it.
   
5. Try not to feel left behind or envious of friends and colleagues who have already "made it" or seem better adjusted to the world than you. You are just taking longer than them and your results matter a lot to you. For you, the journey matters as much as the outcome. There's no point in comparing yourself to others. Accept that you are an individual human being going on an individual route at an individual pace.
   
6. Recognize that others may turn to you when they need to calm down. Use that skill to boost your self-esteem as much as to help them. Also realise that this is an important skill and maybe use it to your advantage in choosing a vocation, career or lifestyle.
   
7. Enjoy your eventual success and build on it. It took you a long time to get there but bets are, you know what you are doing far more than those who got there earlier and people will start to come to you as they have great confidence in your experience, knowledge and the fact that you have thought so deeply about everything and reached your own conclusions rather than parrotting someone else's.
   
8. Record your thoughts. Your process of getting to where you are will likely help someone else, especially other family members. Traits like this can be easily inherited and if your children or another family member can be helped by learning about what you have gone through, then you will have made life better for someone else.
   
9. Always tell yourself that it is good to be a late bloomer. Trust in yourself and your abilities, for you are getting there and you will conquer the difficulties in ways that others can only dream of. Instant achievement is not always a fairytale come true - think of the people who are so afraid of being discovered for being a fraud because they don't know what they're doing. Late bloomers avoid that feeling by making sure they do know what they're doing!
   

Tips

• Be strong and aware of your strengths.
  
• Be honest with yourself. Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself: "What am I doing that I want to stop? What am I not doing that I want to begin?" Even if you have no idea what your passions and gifts are, undoubtedly you're clear about something in your life. Start there.
  
• Don't feel blue about being slower to reach goals in life. Your journey is simply slower, more considered and probably you are gathering all the necessary experience to ensure that you get it right.
  
• Invest time in building friendships. Through friends you will grow more than trying to attempt life's journey by yourself.
  
• Be creative in overcoming obstacles. Don't let anything, even a lack of money or age discrimination, come between you and your dreams. If you're facing a wall you can't blast through, grab a shovel and dig under it or borrow a ladder and climb over the top! Better yet, just walk around the side. Take Evelyn Gregory, who became a flight attendant for US Air Express at age 71. After being rejected by three airlines, she accepted a job as a gate agent and let the corporate brass get to know her. Six months later, she was hired by US Air Express and flew for them for the next seven years.
  
• Remember that nothing you like to do is tiresome. From the outside looking in, it sounds daunting to go to medical school at 46, join the Peace Corps at 65, or become a flight attendant at 71. But the truth is that it isn't exhausting; it's exhilarating. It's far more tiring to do something you don't enjoy.
  
• Cultivate a sense of humor. Laugh often-especially at yourself. Researchers at Loma Linda University in California have discovered that laughter not only reduces stress and stimulates the immune system, but also lowers dopamine levels. (Dopamine governs our "fight or flight response.") In other words, a good laugh can ease the anxiety of risk-taking.
  
• Help other late bloomers to find their path in life. Reassure them that they are not left behind or less intelligent than other human beings. We're all worthy in this world and we all have a purpose.
  

Warnings

• On the downside, you can dither for life - avoid the temptation to drown your indecisiveness in drugs, alcohol or mere pleasure pursuits.
  
• Be careful with money - when it takes longer to get somewhere, you need to be more spartan in your lifestyle and be penny-wise.
  
• Many late-bloomers are perfectionists, afraid to try or do something until they are good at it. If this is the major reason that you are a late-bloomer, you need to deal with it. Remember that it is better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly. Seek professional help if desired.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Accomplish a Goal
  
• How to Build Self Confidence
  
• How to Make a Decision Using a Quantitative Scoring System
  
• How to Accept Being Shy
  
• How to Solve a Problem
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Succeed in Life as a Late Bloomer. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Quote

"With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter, and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

-Barack Obama

Your poor intestines cant deny when the inky periods drip from your mailbox and blood flies dip and glide reach down inside

Blizzard conditions outside, I kept waiting for my boss to send out an email in the morning telling everyone to stay home. No dice - he's already given us 5 snow days and it's only January. This winter is going to be brutal - I really feel for K., who has to carry the babby out to the car every morning no matter what the temp. Had to help her shovel her car out of a foot of snow this morning. On the way to work, the windshield wiper fluid froze, blurring my visibility, and I had to put my hazards on and pull over to the side of the road on Lake Shore. Long day today, I stayed an extra couple of hours at work, as I had to go to this home ownership class at Chicago Neighborhood Housing Services - it's a 4 week program I had heard about at a home ownership fair at work. At the end of it you get a certificate that will help you qualify for certain types of loans, plus I was interested in learning more about the process of buying a home, even though I'm already an owner. When I bought my place, I felt like my parents and my aunt basically walked me through the process and did everything for me. Now I'm faced with the prospects of having to sell my house, despite its deflated value in today's market, and buy a bigger house to accomodate my growing family within the next couple years. Pretty good day at work, really interesting stuff - boss tells me they're sending me to California for a week in March for a work trip. Sounds cool. Been jamming to Arcade Fire all day - J. makes a persuasive argument that Funeral is the best written album of the past ten years. Upgraded rails on my workstation, ready to start the exercises in that Rails book. After this class I'm going to totally go for it and go to the gym.

Few things are related to the old times, when we didn't believe in magic and we didn't die

Got up early yesterday, made coffee, changed the baby and put her back to sleep with mom. Played guitar while they slept, and watched the news. They woke up and we made breakfast, watched a documentary on the dissolution of Soviet Russia while I played guitar some more. Ran through all the songs so far for this year's 'setlist' of 15-20 songs, worked on two new numbers in open C, my new favorite tuning. Cleaned the house, gave the baby a bath. Went to the gym - had to shovel my car out of like a foot of snow. Almost got stuck in deep snow at least 3 times yesterday, as the city still hasn't gotten around to plowing all the side roads. They're done with the expansion at my gym, it's really nice - computers and flat screen tv's hanging everywhere. It's amusing how everyone still seems to gather at the old, crowded cardio room when there's a brand new, modern cardio room available now. Hopefully this will put an end to 'signing the wait list' and bickering over treadmills and such. I'm on my first week of a 12 week training program for a 10k race in March, so this week is pretty easy, 3 mile runs mostly. It's been horrible weather lately so I've preferred to run inside. Came home, K. gave me a haircut, then mistakenly shaved a reverse mohawk into my head (she usually shaves my head at a number 2 and a half, she was some long hairs she had missed and had it accidentally set to number 1), it's really short now. I don't like it this short, but she claims to prefer it this way. We got dressed and took the baby with us to C's birthday party. N. was, of course, the hit of the party - everybody thought she was adorable. She was dressed in the pink down vest outfit with the corduroy pants with the embroidered kitties she got from her aunt V. C. and J. were there of course, along with J. and his wife V., E. who brought her sister, L. and K., some new people I've never met who turned out to be C's friends from out of town. N. did her dance for everybody, and we took a lot of pics. I don't know about taking N. to these adult parties - it's always really loud and she winds up freaking out at least a couple of times. Her mom loves to show her off though, and she claims it's good for her to socialize. J. was pretty hilarious last night, him and J. have a real comic rapport. On the way home we got vanilla cones at the McDonalds by Wrigley Field and watched all the people trudge through the snow to the bars. Then we went home and I fell right asleep the minute my head hit the pillow. Had a dream where I seek out various enemies I've made over the years and tried to make amends - some were indifferent, some still held a grudge, one threatened me physically, but this being my dream, I flew into the sky like Nathan Petrelli in Heroes and disappeared.

Quote

The only willful choice one has is the quality of attention that one gives to a thought at any moment.

-Dr. Jeffry Schwartz

Quote

The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp it.

A minute to ourselves

We've been good at going to church lately, now I've been trying to incorporate the daily habit of saying prayers. It's usually short and simple, I don't kneel or anything, just close my eyes, give the sign of the father and say an Our Father, then have a short conversation, usually asking him to 'bless my family, take care of my dad, please help the Israelis and Hamas come to a peace agreement', stuff like that.

+/- Plus Minus - Snowblind

A little mini epic of a song that goes from chiming, glitchy lullabye to gently rocking emo finale in the space of a few minutes. I was jamming to this on the treadmill at the gym tonight. By the time I got home, I was sick of it. Mentally filing this away for when my wife's in the car with me.


+/- Plus Minus - Snowblind

That was just a dream, I thought you were real

I got up early yesterday, had to make it to work by 7 for this off site testing that we've been conducting all week. Huge snowstorm last night - about 3-4 inches of snow on the roads, Lake Shore was ok, all of the other streets I have to drive were unplowed. The minute I stepped out the door I immediately thought of K. and N. and felt sorry I wasn't around to help them get ready. Did my testing, once testing was over I desperately needed coffee but forgot to bring cash to buy coffee at the cafeteria, so I had to put my coat on, go back outside, and drive to Starbucks in the snowstorm for a venti coffee and a biscotti. That's how serious I am about my coffee. I worked on a fix for another project that took about five lines of code, then coasted the rest of the day. Slow day, J. and P. had work from home days. Hung out with P. and D., talking about music. I think I surprised them with the breadth of my knowledge as I don't really come off as the 'raging hipster' to people I work with, but I've been a huge lifelong music fan. Filled out my weekly project summary report and submitted it, drove home listening to my iPod, and played around with K. and N. for a little while. K. cleaned the house while I got groceries at Trader Joe's for the next 4 days, worked out at the Y (ran 2.5 miles), and picked up a set of pics at Walgreens. Afterwards, I made dinner (chili lime chicken, wild rice dish, blue cheese/cranberry/almond salad with vinagrette, these toasted mushroom things as an appetizer, dessert of sliced pears and Weight Watchers ice cream bars. We watched a documentary on autistic children while I practiced acoustic guitar for two hours. I've been playing around with songs in the open C tuning lately. Then we went to bed - K. read N. a bedtime story, then we watched videos on youtube for a while until K. went to sleep and I eventually dozed off. A really good day. Today we have auntie C's birthday party at 8, which should be fun.

I never saw it coming, waiting for something for nothing

Facebook is blowing my mind. Ever since I reconnected with A. all of these ancient people from when I was barely older than N. have come out of the woodwork. I just received a friend request from a woman who I used to go to preschool with, our parents used to carpool. It has been almost 30 years since I last saw her. I had a crush on her all through grade school and high school, I used to walk her home from school all the time - and now look at us, we're middle aged, with our own children. It's actually sort of wonderful - and yet I think about all the things that have happened over the years, and am overcome with sadness and regret over the past.

Wash away what we create, my sins like funny calls you make

I've been slowly transferring all the (hundreds of) DVD's I've burned over the years onto my new TB hard drive. I've been rediscovering so much good music that I thought I had lost. Probably the most amazing thing that I found that nearly sent me jumping up and down was this disk with a backup copy of my Master's thesis. It's a full accounting program done in Swing and CORBA, I spent so long on it and was nearly heartbroken when my old computer crashed and thought I had lost the only copy. What a great find, this is definitely going back on the 'software samples' disk I sent out with my resume. Another random thing I thought of: somehow in conversation with my parents, my dad's yearly salary was revealed. It was a lot, but it was smaller than I expected it to be. I'm not saying this is how my parents live, but I think a lot of people out there just leverage good credit to maintain the appearance of being more successful than they really are. My entire adult life, I've thought that my dad made almost double than what he actually made annually. Why did I overestimate that, when doctor's salaries are pretty guessable by even my wife.

Radiohead - House Of Cards

Song of the moment, spent the past couple days listening to In Rainbows while running errands in a snowstorm, and shoveling my car out of snow. Radiohead are a great band, I don't know why I ever lose faith in them. Hail To The Thief was a minor let down but then they come out with In Rainbows, which was unexpectedly great. Spent some time last week watching all the Scotch Mist and the Live From the Basement performances, both awesome.


Radiohead - House Of Cards

In the world so many useless bodies, so much traffic

New Years Eve passed quietly, we kept my dad company in the hospital, then I went home to cook dinner for K. The next day we took N. shopping at Water Tower Place, I think it was her first time shopping downtown, she loved all the people and lights. Sunday of the first weekend of the year, I spent running errands for my mom, who was preparing for my dad to come home from the hospital - I had to run back and forth from Home Depot to get some supplies for this shelving system she was building with my uncle to surprise my dad upon his return. K. stayed home with N., preparing for her first day back at school. K. has been working out a lot lately, I'm pretty happy about that, it will be interesting to see my wife when she's back in her triathalon shape. I remember being very stressed out and anxious that weekend, but trying to keep it inside, as I've described previously in my journal. I think everyone in my family was on edge, waiting for my dad's test results to come back from the hospital. They finally came back the day I went back to work - I got a call from my mom at work, she told me that they found some more cancer in my dad's body, that this was due to his anti-rejection drugs after his heart transplant, and that he has to see an oncologist now and will most probably need chemo. I still don't know how to deal with this piece of information myself - I'm worried for my dad, he's already been through so much with all the operations he's had in the past year, I don't know how he'll manage to go through chemo. I'm worried for my mom. There's a real possibility that my time with my dad is very limited, and yet I still don't communicate with him very well. I think about my long and convoluted relationship with my dad - all our disagreements over the years, all the times I've let him down as a son, and I get so choked up. It feels like nothing I can do now will ever make up for all the bad times. And yet our relationship has been improving so much the past few years. I try my best to show him that I love him, hopefully he knows that. Hopefully he looks at the baby granddaughter every day when she's staying at his house and knows that I love him.

Friendly Fires - Paris (Aeroplane Remix)

I downloaded the Pitchfork top 100 of 2008, I've basically had that playlist on 'random' for a week and a half now. My wife's sort of scratching her head that I'm listening to so much disco lately, hehe. This has been the big song of the past couple of nights, I really like this band - sort of a really slick, dancey, indy British band. This remix is killer - reminds me of St. Etienne.


Friendly Fires - Paris (Aeroplane Remix)

Book a week 2009 - 1-2/52

I'm going to start reading a book a week again. I just reread this excellent Steve Pavlina post about developing a book a week reading habit, and it really inspired me.

I'm reading 2 books the first two weeks of 2009 -

What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful

and

RailsSpace: Building a Social Networking Website with Ruby on Rails

A couple of points from Steve's post that stuck with me - reading is like exercise, you are conditioning your mind to take in more information, and you improve at this the longer you develop this habit, he says all you need is to devote 30-60 minutes a day. We'll see, seems like that's not enough time to read a book a week, I'm also kind of concerned how this type of reading program will work with technical books like RailsSpace. My plan is to read a chapter through and then do the exercises at the end of each chapter afterwards.

Some miscelleneous thoughts - I love how well thought out and complete Steve's blog, and the largeheartedboy blog are. The difference between me and all these other bloggers is I devote a part of each day on things other than blogging - mainly music and training for my races.